A Cyanide & Happiness Newsletter That Doesn't Suck: Springtime Edition

Greetings and salutations, citizens! It’s me, Man Bat. You know, the beloved Cyanide & Happiness character. Everyone knows who I am. I’m here to fill you in on the monthly crap, because who else is going to do it? I don’t even have hands or any idea of how this is going to work, but what else do you have to do with your lives – just read this newsletter and pretend you have interesting hobbies. I’m not your mom, I’m just a bat with a man’s face. Comic of the Month! March’s comic of the month comes from Kris, the youngest and handsomest of the C&H boys. Don’t be sad, Rob and Dave, one of you will win it next month I’m sure! Go check out all the daily comics you missed in March over at [Explosm.net](. A few words from the boys: Kris's Foolish April Update Happy April Fool’s month! I hope you’ve set up your festive fool tree and dawned it with your favorite cheats and pranks. Be sure to lie to all your loved ones, and celebrate the rich history of when Jesus arose from the cross and said “sike, bitches!” Rob's Weather Update The weather is pretty fucked, folks! High chance of it being too cold or too hot, and in some areas dangerously mild. UK readers are encouraged to take their tea indoors. If you’re Australian you’re basically already dead. You’re straight up cooked. It’s not good here in the states, either. Yesterday I went outside to try a Natasha Bedingfield (feel the rain on my skin) and a tornado sucked me right off  the ground, it was INSANE! Wait, why’s there a line break there? That’s weird. This was all meant to be one paragraph. Anyway, that’s the weather report. Oh wait, there’s also a solar eclipse in the USA today, does that count as weather? Don’t stare at it or you might get elected President.  What Dave's Listening To This month I’ve been listening to the various bowel movement symphonies of Norwegian black metal bands like Emperor and Glkokojkgkgh. At least that’s what I think their logo says. The low riffs and guttural singing make my tummy rumble in a sort of pavlovian way, prompting my lizard brains to pucker my anus and prepare me to evacuate. But, it never comes, much to my butt’s disappointment. “Stupid butt,” I say to my butt. “It’s just black metal. It’s not diarrhea.” Then I laugh so hard it echoes throughout my big empty house, because I just tricked my butt.  Did Rob say he got sucked off by a tornado? What Dave's Playing I’ve been enjoying the fantastical sights and sounds of Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth, and will be sorely disappointed if they don’t name the next installment “Afterbirth”. ­ Holy merchandise, kids! We’ve got so many great things to buy and then buy again to give to your friends, family, or greatest enemy. In this issue, we’re featuring our plushies! Grab one and throw it into oncoming traffic, see what happens! ­ [GET A PLUSHIE!!]( ­ ­ Hope you enjoyed our first of possibly many (infinite?) newsletters. If you have any feedback, we love to hear from our fans on [Discord](!  Love, Man Bat.  P.S. Forward this to 10 people and you’ll grow two extra arms and become better at video games. This email was sent to {EMAIL} You've received this email because you've subscribed to our newsletter. [Unsubscribe](