Ritual Abuse and Garden Variety Trauma

On the Path... [View in Web Browser]( Hi {NAME}, I personally know a few people who were victims of ritual child abuse, and now, late in their adult years are still working toward an understanding of how those experiences have prohibited them from experiencing the peace, prosperity and confidence that so many around us seem to have. These are certainly extreme cases and they know the trauma has held them back, but they haven't yet see the whole picture clearly, and are still emotionally governed by the imprinted patterns of fight or flight, distrust, and shame. Again, extreme cases. But surprisingly, the depravity or intensity of the trauma one may have experienced in their youth is somewhat inconsequential. That is to say, trauma is trauma, and even those who've endured 'garden variety' trauma are very much living out the same experience, which is marked by a cyclical return to the same negative emotional patterns and insecurities which subtly and not so subtly repeatedly sabotage their attempts at living a 'normal,' happy life. Working one-on-one with coaching clients over the last couple of years has shown me that most people who are struggling in their adult life find that the emotional cloud which accompanies their repeated failures and disappointments can be traced back in familiarity to their childhood and whatever traumatic experiences they had to cope with in their developing years. They may feel like the frustration, overwhelm, anxiety, fear and doubt are unique to their current circumstances and situation, but when we go back a year, five years, ten years, and even all the way to the beginning, the set of feelings is the same as it has always been, and it's revisited over and over again in new contexts. This is quite a potent catch for my clients when they realize it, because it means that they can stop trying to resolve, or even heal the trauma from the past, and instead focus on the recurring feelings of the present moment. It's a new key to an old lock, and they can finally abandon the fantasy of going back in time to somehow release themselves from events that they can never change. [Access your FREE 15-minute insight call with Dylan]( So, what is garden variety trauma? Well, it's the stuff that happens to pretty much all of us when we are young, incredibly impressionable, and when our survival is absolutely dependent on whatever dysfunctional situation we just happen to have grown up in. Their father may be financially successful, but he was also a hyper-critical workaholic who failed to provide emotional security. Perhaps there was an abusive relationship between their parents, and as a child they had to sit alone in a dark room at night listening to the screaming and yelling. Sexual abuse in mild or extreme forms is extremely traumatic and emotionally programming. Criticism from mothers and siblings that never stopped is another way in which trauma can be imprinted. They were just never good enough. Being involved in an accident, being the victim of a crime, or experiencing an extreme loss can certainly set one up for a lifetime of recurring of negative emotions. The experience of being bullied, ostracized, ridiculed, and singled out can also leave a lasting damaging impression on one's sense of self. Emotional neglect, growing up with passive aggressive parents, living in a household with alcoholic or drug-addicted parents or siblings, or having parents who were just never home can hardwire the same sense of insecurity, rejection, and abandonment that many people carry with them throughout their lives. Finally coming to the understanding that the events have long passed and that the healing process does not require these events to be revisited or reconciled in some magical way is exceptionally empowering, because it means you only have to examine the present, and when you do just this, there are many ways of disassembling the cloud of feelings that has always underscored their lives. In the book, [The Body Keeps the Score](, author Bessel Van Der Kolk looks deeply at PTSD and how trauma holds people hostage in perpetuity until they learn to assess and reconfigure the present moment. The book is worth a read for anyone feeling held back by the past. Highly recommended. The most useful definition of trauma I've heard was from Dr. Gabor Maté, who said in an interview that trauma is an experience which overwhelms one's coping mechanisms and permanently alters the way their brain works and reacts to the world. The trauma I experienced as a child was about being in a very unpredictable and unstable environment. There was routine fighting, yelling, screaming, and a very real threat of being physically or psychologically abandoned. There was also some physical abuse which even sent me to the emergency room on a couple of occasions, and while I tried for years to forgive, forget, and move on, it wasn't until I really understood the emotional fallout and it's recurring pattern of recreating this chaos that I began to truly heal and move on from it. In my humble experience and opinion, the key to overcoming trauma is dealing with the fallout emotions you feel in the present. Anyhow, these are some thoughts I had for you on this beautiful Sunday morning. I'm up in the Blue Ridge mountains surrounded by trees and birds, typing in my garage, and reflecting on how I want to feel this week as I set out to conquer my own challenges and make joyful progress in my life. As always, if you'd like to know if my personal coaching may be of value to you in these strange times, book a FREE 15-minute call with me [HERE](, and we can chat for a bit to see if it may be a good fit for both of us. Peace and Power, [_Dylan Charles]( [Dylan Charles - Self-Mastery and Self-Sabotage Coach]( Dylan Charles Editor, [Waking Times]( Host of [Battered Souls]( [Self-Mastery Coaching](On [TikTok]( [Dylan Charles - Self-Mastery and Self-Sabotage Coach]( Dylan Charles Editor, [Waking Times]( Host of [Battered Souls]( [Self-Mastery Coaching](On [TikTok]( Oh, here's a great gift idea for someone you love. Block EMF's and reduce stress. A win win! [CLICK HERE for MORE INFO.]( [Unsubscribe]( | Sent by Full Life Media, LLC PO Box 19754 • Asheville, NC • 28815-1754