Best of the Week: Terrible taxis, underwhelming upfronts and a Peachy problem

[View web version]( BEST OF THE WEEK And another thing... “I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed - but can you ever just be whelmed?” The above quote is, of course, from the iconic (don’t even bother disagreeing with me), 10 Things I Hate About You, released in 1999. Now, almost 20 years later, ‘whelmed’ feels like the only word that can be applied to how I feel looking back on the week that was. (I suspect other alternatives would trigger your spam filters). Tuesday’s taxi trauma On Tuesday night I was attacked in a taxi on the way back from Nine and News Corp’s Your Money launch. (Honestly, I don’t know what it is about me and Best of the Week. Last time I was basically communicating with you from beyond the grave due to a seemingly-never-ending chest infection, and now you get me at my cripplingly anxious best. I’m not usually this dramatic). On top of everything else, my phone had run out of battery - which will resonate with those of you who know me and are all too familiar with my standard response of “I’m tired and I need to charge my phone” when asked how I am - compounding the difficulty of the situation I was in. I haven’t actually revealed to anyone the full extent of what happened and why I was found out the front of my building doubled over and hyperventilating, preferring instead to drip feed different parties different elements of the story so I can manage the narrative without having to spend too long retelling and analysing it at any one time. Given that this newsletter wasn’t created for us to all work through my issues via pop psychology - wouldn’t that be great though? - I’ll spare you the minute-by-minute breakdown of what happened. The incident, however, did raise two serious issues relevant to adland. One, is the taxi industry’s horrendous branding and image issues. 13 CABS and Adam Ferrier’s Thinkerbell can do everything in their power to reposition the brand, attempt to sell it as a fairer, more reliable and safer alternative to the likes of Uber, and transform the legacy business which struggles with consumer loyalty - but it means f*ck all if the reality out on the streets is giving users a different experience. I was so incensed and shattered by the time I was helped inside, that the only thing I could think to do was send Adam an angry email about the disconnect between the company’s rebrand and repositioning, and my actual experience. (Sidebar: How much Mumbrella / adland Kool Aid have I consumed for branding issues and advertising campaigns to be one of my first thoughts after a traumatic experience?) It must have been such a bizarre email to receive. Sorry, Adam. I almost didn’t send it, as it really wasn’t Adam’s fault or issue, and I knew that the more rational Vivienne who awoke the next morning would only have more fuel for her anxiety. But send it I did. And this is where the brand jumped into action. Adam had responded by 5:24am and Simon Purssey, 13 CABS’ head of client services, had called by 10:05am. Even more impressive is that even after it subsequently emerged it wasn’t a 13 CABS taxi involved in the incident, both the company and Adam continued to check in to see if I was okay, and apologise for the conduct of someone who didn’t even work for their brand. In one sense, my incorrect conclusion that the driver was from 13 CABS shows the all-penetrating strength of the 13 CABS brand - in that I automatically assumed the taxi, any taxi, I was in was the responsibility of 13 CABS. It also presents an almost-insurmountable challenge for 13 CABS though: they become tied to brands which aren’t their own, and are held accountable for the conduct, experience and offerings of the industry as a whole. Various circumstances led my traumatised brain to believe it was 13 CABS. So I ran with that in the moment. I did my Honours thesis a decade ago on history and memory, and the interaction between telling and retelling stories, and how this can create and then re-enforce inaccurate recollections of experiences. Essentially, every time we tell a story, it alters our memory of what actually happened - and years and years down the track, the way we retell a tale of trauma, hilarity, the mundane, the mediocre and the monumental can be very far removed from what actually happened. We can alter our own memories accidentally via storytelling, and genuinely believe that something which didn’t happen, did. Brands have this to contend with this quirk of humanity and the folklore and misconceptions it can create. If I hadn’t lost my mind at Adam via email, which prompted Simon to call me, and us to ultimately realise I was laying blame with the wrong company, I would be telling everyone who would listen (and even those who wouldn’t) about my horrendous 13 CABS experience. It would become true by my telling and retelling, and 13 CABS would suffer as a result. It’s likely, however, that most consumers would have fallen into that trap. I guess that is one of the perils of being a market leader and trying to mount an industry pushback against a challenger. Every message you send out will be compared to the new kid on the block (Uber) and the reality on the ground, and everything the industry as a whole does, can be seen as a direct reflection of your own, separate, brand. It’s a challenge I’m sure Adam and Simon will continue to battle with, and one without an easy solution. Beyond the image and branding challenges instances like this generate for the taxi and ride-sharing industries, the second issue this highlighted is the continuing and often underestimated risks that come with this job for me and many other women. Evening events come with the territory. So, how does one best get home? I am frequently lambasted by people in the industry when they realise I intend to walk back to the closest station and get the train home instead of the seemingly more practical and efficient taxi/ Uber. The general vibe that is forced back upon me varies from “Lol are you poor?” to “Eww, why would you get the train?”, with a little “Stop being a weirdo and just jump in this cab”, thrown into the mix. Here’s the reality though: after years and years of late-night suburb hopping as a woman in Sydney, I feel safer on the train. I’m so sick of (but simultaneously grateful for) texts from people in the industry which pop up on my phone less than 120 seconds after I shut the door of a car and prepare for a stranger to drive me home: “Let me know when you get home safe”. One Friday night I smoke bombed on Commercial Radio Australia’s Julie Warner, and then yes, my phone once again, ran out of battery. I didn’t charge it until well into the Saturday afternoon, and then found a string of increasingly concerned texts, culminating in “Seriously, are you alive?” Laugh as we do about it now, the reality is we all know in the back of our minds that there is the possibility something had happened. It’s horrendous to recount how many times I have been at risk on my way back from adland events, and indeed, occasionally at the events themselves. So I get the train when and where I can. Not only does it give my busy brain time to decompress (“Why did you have to look like such a d*ckhead trying to scoff that spring roll into your mouth while talking to ‘insert executive’s name here’?”, “Did you have to go back to the cheese board SO many times?”, “When that person said ‘Oh, I LOVE Mumbrella’, were they being sassy and sarcastic?”, “Should I have spoken to more people?”, “What stories did I miss tonight?”, “How much is this company going to hate me when I write about that stuff-up on stage?”) while digesting TOFOP or blasting Sam Smith - but I feel safer and, thus far, have made it home without incident. Long may that continue. Underwhelming upfronts If you saw me at the Seven Upfronts on Friday with a large scratch down my nose and little cuts all over my hands, they weren’t actually from the above incident - instead they’re a result of me aggressively scratching my own skin while I sleep, which happens when I’m overwhelmed. I also grind my teeth and have to wear a mouth guard. I really am a sight to be seen post 11pm. Granted, you may not have seen me, as I blew in late due to terrible planning and the too-late realisation that I wasn’t willing to jump in a taxi or an Uber to get there on time. When I reached for my phone to book a car to take me from Bondi to Everleigh, my hand started shaking, my heart rate climbed to levels I normally only experience when the lift at my apartment building breaks down and I’m forced to take the stairs, and a stress-rash broke out on my chest. (Honestly, my well-honed poker face and efforts to modulate my voice when under pressure are both so totally pointless - my sensitive skin always gives me away when I’m stressed, overwhelmed or my fight or flight is kicking in). So instead, I walked the 18 minutes to the station, jumped on a train (that’s a lie, it was more of a resentful step/leap) to Redfern and then tried to navigate my way on foot through the ever-confusing Australian Technology Park. I was ‘whelmed’ by the whole experience. After the Nine Upfronts last week, my content director Tim Burrowes wrote about how ‘boring is better’ during television’s upfronts season - it shows a programming slate which is working, scheduling consistency and a network which knows its brand identity, audience and future direction. Indeed after the Nine event, a media agency CEO said to me that everyone - not just Nine - will be very much sticking to their lanes this year, and we shouldn’t expect to see too much change, innovation or repositioning from the networks. I am such a sucker for a show-reel and anything involving a montage. Seriously, whack an inspiring song over some well-cut footage, and you can get me to buy into almost anything. So it’s a bit of a surprise that I was so whelmed by Seven’s event on Friday. The network is indeed, very much sticking to its lane. Next year, [consumers will be treated to more My Kitchen Rules, more House Rules, and more My Kitchen Rules (that’s not a typo, consumers will be treated to even more MKR next year)](. Seven was keen to push the 10th-anniversary milestone of its flagship reality program, MKR, at the upfronts (or ‘Allfronts’ as it prefers to call them). To me, this raised two issues: is the network worried it will do what Ten did to Masterchef - that is rely on it too heavily, screen it too frequently and damage the brand to the point consumes tire of it before they need to? And it is a great strategy to be reminding audiences just how many years of their lives they have spent in front of the program? This isn’t an issue unique to Seven. I am horrified every time I realise just what season Nine’s The Block is up to (conservative estimates put it at 157). And I am equally dismayed when I think about how many hours I have wasted in front of The Bachelor, The Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise over on Ten (“What am I doing with my life?”) Seven, I’m sure, is aware of this brand risk - but it’s sticking to its lane. Many of its recent launches - Australian Spartan, Take Me Out and Dance Boss - haven’t performed to expectation, and the main channel has struggled with programming in the tail end of the calendar year compared to its more successful first six months, so it’s no surprise it’s sticking with what works. Even a lot of its ‘new’ programming gave me a dizzying sense of deja vu. Wife Swap. I’m sure I used to watch that circa 2004. The Proposal, described by Seven itself as “The Bachelor on steroids”. Here’s me thinking Bachelor in Paradise was “The Bachelor on steroids”. It was also interesting to hear a network position a new program by so directly relying on a show which screens on a rival network. Ms Fisher’s Modern Murder Mysteries. A spinoff of the ABC’s Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. The Super Switch. Like Seven-Year Switch, only super. Australian Gangster. Unlike anything we’ve ever seen, except of course, Underbelly. There were, however, a few moments which seriously caught my attention at the Allfronts, and which I can’t wait to track as 2019 and 2020 progress. (Firstly, Julia Zemiro was a fabulous MC who kept me entertained and engaged, despite being overwhelming whelmed by the content). Kurt Burnette, Seven’s chief revenue officer, said the 2020 Tokyo Olympics would be bigger than Sydney 2000 due to its time-zone friendly location and the multi-platform offering Seven will bring to local consumers for the event. A promotion for House Rules said the show was about to undergo “The biggest transformation of a television show Australia has ever seen”. That is a BOLD claim. It better follow through. Seven also [announced the launch of 7news.com.au](, in the wake of its breakup from Yahoo. (Currently, if you type 7news.com.au into your browser, you are redirected to au.news.yahoo.com, complete with Yahoo!7 branding). Clive Dickens, chief digital officer, said: “We confidently predict this will be the number one online news service within six months of launch”. That’s a lofty, lofty goal. To give you an idea of what that means, Nielsen’s Digital Content Ratings for September put the current Yahoo7 site on 4.365m unique audience members. This was behind the Daily Mail Australia (6.016m), ABC’s news websites (8.139m) and News.com.au (9.435m). It’s also almost four million unique users behind rival Nine.com.au (8.351m). We certainly held Nine to account when TV entertainment boss Adrian Swift told my colleague Zoe Samios he would “dance a jig” if Family Food Fight debuted with over 800,000 viewers - with 400,000 of those from the key 25 to 54 demographic. The show instead debuted with 614,000 and fell from there. I’m positive Nine rolled their collective eyes every time we brought it up in our daily TV ratings stories, reminding readers that Swifty was not dancing. It will be interesting to see how Seven ultimately defines “number one online news service”, but regardless of the parameters they put around how they define its success, six months is not a long time. If he succeeds, I have no doubt we will ask Clive to dance a jig. A peachy problem Speaking of Upfronts, there is mounting speculation that one of Ten’s big reveals at its upfronts on Wednesday will be the rebranding of Ten’s multi-channels Eleven and One to Ten Boss and Ten Peach. It’s fair to say the market reaction to this proposition has been negative, with everything from “This proves that ‘there’s no such thing as a bad idea’ is completely wrong’”, to various corners of the industry being concerned about the gendered connotations of Ten Boss being targeted at men (boys are strong and bosses and in charge and in control) and Ten Peach at women (girls are delicate, fragile fruits, etc.) As I said on [this week’s podcast](, I truly hope this is incorrect speculation, and Ten blows us out of the water with something innovative and not based on outdated and frankly ridiculous gendered stereotypes. I can only hope that we’re all drawing incorrect conclusions based in incomplete information. Perhaps though, this is all part of the plan? One industry stalwart speculated to me on Thursday that the Peach and Boss branding - and the predictable associated negative gendered connotations - could all be an elaborate ruse. Ten could be playing us. It generates the negative publicity and confusion in the marketplace with carefully placed stories about ‘Boss’ and ‘Peach’, only to reveal something much more palatable at its Upfronts on Wednesday night, and thus surprise and impress the market - a bit like how the Coalition attempted to water-down expectations in the electorate about the Wentworth by-election results, so that anything which wasn’t an absolute bollocking was seen as a positive for the embattled party and candidate Dave Sharma - or so the conspiracy theory goes. Let’s see what emerges on Wednesday. I hope it’s peachy. That’s it for now. And thank goodness for that. My anxiety and ensuing lack of motivation made this one very difficult. It’s Friday night and I’m off for dinner with my concerned mother (#rockon). If you have a few more minutes to spare, please do me a favour - and yourself, there's money to be won - and [fill out our State of the Industry survey](. The findings will help marketers, agencies, publishers and service providers plan for the decade ahead, better cater to their clients and partners, and know where they sit in the ecosystem. Plus, did I mention the money? I’m blessed with running the newsdesk this weekend - which is fortunate for two reasons: it gives me something to do other than get anxious about my anxiety, and it gifts me a day off on Friday, which means I can spend the afternoon having wine with one of my best gal pals before we head to Taylor Swift - so please send any news tips, ideas or stories we may have missed this week to vivienne@mumbrella.com.au to help keep me occupied and my brain distracted. (Unsolicited criticism about my terrible taste in popular culture will be met with sass, scorn and Swift memes). May you have a thoroughly whelming weekend, Vivienne Kelly Editor - Mumbrella Mumbrella | 46-48 Balfour Street Chippendale NSW 2008 Australia [Unsubscribe](| [Manage Subscriptions]( [Facebook]( [LinkedIn]( [Twitter](