A disagreement is a good time to listen for unspoken beliefs.

Issue #274 of the Better Humans Newsletter. Subscribe here for inspiration and knowledge. [Tony Stubblebine](coachtony?source=email-c7f27b30bfea-1661958368618-newsletter.subscribeToProfile-7038e003d060------------------------f9fe71f3_3686_46fd_a0fd_859b030deeae--------de6e5ad096a9)[Tony Stubblebine](coachtony?source=email-c7f27b30bfea-1661958368618-newsletter.subscribeToProfile-7038e003d060------------------------f9fe71f3_3686_46fd_a0fd_859b030deeae--------de6e5ad096a9) in [Better Humans](   ∙  4 min read   ∙  [View on Medium]( A disagreement is a good time to listen for unspoken beliefs. Issue #274 of the Better Humans Newsletter. [Subscribe here]( for inspiration and knowledge. ··· I’m not sure how you feel, but I am feeling like this newsletter is still in a strange spot. I still remember how to write the old format but I think the new format should focus more on my new work. How often does a coach get to take over as CEO of a significant high profile company? It’s a really unique experience that I’d like to write about. So, consider this a bridge issue. It’s about misunderstandings, which is a good tie in to [last week’s issue on listening](. Medium is a ten year old company and there are some old, unspoken ideas floating around that I’d never heard before I joined and, it turns out, I don’t exactly agree with. There’s one in particular that’s been a source of recent misunderstanding. It’s an old short hand for the goal of the company: to be the YouTube of written content. Our actual mission is to make people smarter; this YouTube framing an older aspiration about what success might look like for us. As a phrase I don’t exactly disagree with it. We do want to be a place where everyone can go to publish their writing in the way that YouTube is a place where anyone can go to publish a video. But… it turns out that people have attached other meanings to this goal. One that came up yesterday is that YouTube has a dominant position in long form video, especially if you exclude video shorts like TikTok and TV/Movie streaming. It feels like YouTube controls 80% or more of all online video (I didn’t look it up). So I was asked: is it even possible for Medium to get to that position for writing? Implicit in the question is that doing this might be required for survival. This is a goal that had never even occurred to me. The ecosystem for publishing tools is already rich and diverse, i.e. WordPress, Ghost, SubStack, ConvertKit, MailChimp, SquareSpace, static HTML. All I aspire for Medium is to be the top blogging platform and thus to be a significant choice for anyone wanting to publish online. So I was surprised that someone thought our audacious goal would be to replace the entire publishing ecosystem. (To me, the audacious goal is the subscription, but that’s a longer, different story) It was an “Oh!” moment for me because it tells me something subtle. There are things I’ve said that are lost because I don’t understand people’s unspoken beliefs. This feels very similar to habit building where people[get sidetracked by hidden beliefs](. The way we uncover those beliefs in habit coaching is through failure. Try to start a new habit and pay attention to what trips you up. It’s very hard to uncover these beliefs preemptively and so getting sidetracked is the thing that finds them. There’s something very practical to this just-in-time approach to problem solving: you don’t waste any time addressing theoretical problems. I’m finding that at work too. Disagreement is the thing that uncovers these hidden beliefs. A good question to ask whenever you hit a disagreement is “Why do you believe that?” I should ask this question more often. And that’s the connection back to listening. Being a good listener includes being able to ask curious questions, especially when you disagree. Now a few more short snippets on listening and misunderstanding. ··· From a reader: When it comes to listening, this WAIT framework might be even more fundamental and useful than the SHUSH framework: I normally use WAIT (Why Am I Talking) to remember to listen and keep quiet unless I have something important to interrupt. ~ JP ··· Listen with curiosity instead of judgement. I can listen to someone with all my attention when they are saying something interesting, different, impressing, etc. but not when they are saying something boring I have already heard many times… I can also listen to someone with all my attention when they are sincere, honest, and humble, but not when they are false, dishonest, or proud. Should I listen to everyone the same way? To start with the question, “Should you listen to everyone the same way?” There’s no should here but there’s a can. You can listen to boring, dishonest people with the curiosity. The key is to recognize your judgmental mindset: is this true? is this interesting to me? do I want to do what they are trying to get me to do? Instead use a curious mindset: why do they believe this? why is this interesting to them? why do they want me to do something? ··· This comedy clip has stuck in my head about one way that the political spectrum misunderstands each other. Both sides think the other side is running a con. But is there an underlying belief system there? You decide: [con men vs. con artists](. [Reply to this story](mailto:tony+newsletter@tonystubblebine.com?subject=Re: A disagreement is a good time to listen for unspoken beliefs.)[View story]( Sent to {EMAIL} by Tony Stubblebine on Medium [Unsubscribe]( from this writer’s Medium emails Medium, 548 Market St, PMB 42061, San Francisco, CA 94104[Careers]( Center]( Policy]( of service](