It’s me, hi 👋🏼 (I’m the problem)

been waiting forever to use this Taylor Swift GIF ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  Next week I’ll share how Email Stars is going. I super-duper love this small-group iteration of the program! Tons of early takeaways to share. I’ll also be taking deposits for those who already know they want to join the alumni round in March (I’m taking 10 alum and 10 new students). "I hate all of these bitches," I muttered to myself. The worst is Mckenzie. Or maybe it’s Madison? I can never remember her name, but it is something annoyingly bougie. Mckenzie-Madison is always demonstrating flips, aerial splits and wraps at the front of the class. What a teacher’s pet, jeez. I extra-hate her. I’m standing in what looks like the Black Box of my high school theater program—the site of so much adolescent humiliation. There are thirteen colorful silks dangling from the ceiling and everyone seems to know what they’re doing. They are all so pretty and muscled. And bendy! "Tarzan, you are being such an asshole," I scold myself. "These are probably really nice people who have dinner with their grandmas every Tuesday and volunteer at the safe injection site downtown. Stop being so judgmental." That’s when I realized: [clip of Taylor Swift music video for "anti-hero" and she sings "it's me, hi, I'm the problem it's me"] I was really uncomfortable. This was something I’d never done before and I wasn’t sure if I’d be good at it. What if I’m terrible at aerial silks? I was mud sliding headlong into one of life’s most unbearable questions: "Do I really belong here?" Belonging is one of my favorite words in the English language. Anytime I hear this word my heart pings my brain with longing and I take a deep inhale. It is such an intense human need. I have edited myself down, bent myself into a pretzel, and exiled many parts of myself again and again in order to belong in the various spaces I inhabit. I long for a safe place where all of my identities can co-exist. Backcountry camper. Single mother. Vaccinated former anti-vaxxer. Cult survivor. Amateur circus artist. 7- turned 6-figure entrepreneur. Surprisingly good singer. Divorcee. Ketamine lover. Intermittent Queer. Person in recovery. That is just a small sample of my complicated identities. There are few places in the world where all of those parts get to exist out in the open. One of them is right here, in these emails. My style of email marketing has evolved a lot over the years, and it doesn’t work for every business. It’s best suited to personal brands, boutique online businesses, coaches, service providers and (much as the word makes me gag a little) thought leaders. I wouldn’t go pitching my programs to SAAS businesses or ecommerce companies. Much as I believe every business can and should tell more stories in their email marketing, especially the kind that lead with brand values, this style of email marketing isn’t for everyone. It’s also true that if I spent more time writing about business, sent more sales emails and wrote more campaigns, I would make more money. Quite a bit more, probably. But this is the part of my job that I love the most: telling you my stories. I love having a business that teaches email marketing because it's a way for me to have a career as a writer. I don’t need to squeeze more revenue from my business right now, especially if it means less time to write what I want to write about. I’m really (like, really) happy with my business model right now, so I’m going to stick with it. Whatever you’re doing with your email marketing, I hope you’ll remember that it’s YOUR special place. It gets to be whatever you want it to be. Safety is not built in, not for you or for your customers, but it can be created. It’s a trust-building exercise and it takes time. Time, and lots of mistakes. Sometimes I have to remind myself when I’m working on one of my weirdo emails: "Tarzan, you worked really hard to get here and you are safe on this shore." I’m really proud of that. Eventually, my anxiety over the silks melted away and I found the part of me that felt safe enough to show herself on my first day of aerial silks class. It was pretty great, as you can see. [Tarzan hanging from a purple silk, one leg kicked out and one arm in the air in a gesture of praise. She has a huge smile on her face. In the background you see other students hanging from colourful circus silks that hang from a 16ft ceiling.] I left feeling so good about myself. I even smoked in the parking lot after and didn’t worry about who might be judging me. May you feel the same joy the next time you hit publish on one of your weekly emails. I know I do. XOT P.S. To all the Madisons and Mckenzies reading this email, I really do think your name is fabulous and special and that your parents were really smart to call you that. I bet you’d crush at silks. Want to access your fave emails on the go? Subscribe to the [Tarzan Reads Her Emails]( podcast]( to, well, hear Tarzan read her emails. 🤷‍♀️ [New recordings released every Tuesday and Friday. Exclusively for my email subscribers]( Enjoy the email? Why not share it with a friend? [Facebook](  [Twitter](  [Linkedin](  [Email]( Inbox getting a little crowded? Looking to reduce the number of emails you receive? I hear ya, {NAME}! 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