Someone Lonely Considers Me a Friend. Should I Stay in His Life?

I pretend to like him. [View in browser](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P4Q2AWh0dHBzOi8vbWVzc2FnaW5nLWN1c3RvbS1uZXdzbGV0dGVycy5ueXRpbWVzLmNvbS90ZW1wbGF0ZS9vYWt2Mj9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIyMTIyNCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04MTAzMyZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcHJvZHVjdENvZGU9TUEmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyMDc2MCZ0ZT0xJnVyaT1ueXQlM0ElMkYlMkZuZXdzbGV0dGVyJTJGZTMxMjAzOTQtN2Q5OS01ZmM5LTk0YjgtOGFkODc5NjFlY2UyJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY6H74qZj_Z9Pl1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA)|[nytimes.com](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0S-aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjIxMjI0Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTgxMDMzJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTIwNzYwJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpjofvipmP9n0-XUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~)[Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-ad-marquee) ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0RtaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9MTYxOTY2JmxpPU1BJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1NQV8yMDIyMTIyNFcDbnl0QgpjofvipmP9n0-XUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~ [The New York Times Magazine](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TOaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vc2VjdGlvbi9tYWdhemluZT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIyMTIyNCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04MTAzMyZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyMDc2MCZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY6H74qZj_Z9Pl1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) December 24, 2022 [[Article Image] Illustration by Tomi Um](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TlaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMC9tYWdhemluZS9mcmllbmRzLWV0aGljcy5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjIxMjI0Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTgxMDMzJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTIwNzYwJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpjofvipmP9n0-XUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [THE ETHICIST Someone Lonely Considers Me a Friend. Should I Stay in His Life? The magazine’s Ethicist columnist on the obligations we have to friends who are struggling. By Kwame Anthony Appiah](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TlaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMC9tYWdhemluZS9mcmllbmRzLWV0aGljcy5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjIxMjI0Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTgxMDMzJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTIwNzYwJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpjofvipmP9n0-XUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) A person I’ve known for many years considers me a friend, even a good friend. Although I pretend to like him, spending time with him is seldom enjoyable and is actually often quite difficult. He is, I believe, profoundly depressed and has few friends, if any. He is invariably negative, and when questioned about seeming unhappy, is unwilling to consider any different perspectives, possible changes or therapy. This person contacts me every couple of months to get together, and I put it off. Eventually I respond out of sympathy and guilt. When I see him I’m not gushingly friendly, but I try to be supportive and make him feel both liked and appreciated. And I believe he finds me entertaining. In short, he seems to have a good time. [Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-universal-0) ADVERTISEMENT ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0RtaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9MTYxOTYzJmxpPU1BJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1NQV8yMDIyMTIyNFcDbnl0QgpjofvipmP9n0-XUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~ He has remarked that I am always direct and honest about my feelings. I do normally detest phoniness, and have harsh feelings about two people in my own life who professed to be close, loving friends while secretly trashing me behind my back. I feel for this person, and would like to help him. But is friendliness a charitable act if it’s insincere? When someone is lonely and depressed, is it better to be a phony friend or not a friend at all? [Read the Ethicist’s response here](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TlaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMC9tYWdhemluZS9mcmllbmRzLWV0aGljcy5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjIxMjI0Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTgxMDMzJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTIwNzYwJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpjofvipmP9n0-XUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~). Subscribe Today We hope you’ve enjoyed this newsletter, which is made possible through subscriber support. [Subscribe to The New York Times with this special offer.](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TaaHR0cDovL3d3dy5ueXRpbWVzLmNvbS9zdWJzY3JpcHRpb24_Y2FtcGFpZ25JZD05OVE5OSZjYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIyMTIyNCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04MTAzMyZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyMDc2MCZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY6H74qZj_Z9Pl1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-universal-1) ADVERTISEMENT ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0RtaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9MTM1MzM5JmxpPU1BJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1NQV8yMDIyMTIyNFcDbnl0QgpjofvipmP9n0-XUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~ IN THE MAGAZINE [[Article Image] Philip Montgomery for The New York Times](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TmaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMy9tYWdhemluZS9qYW4tNi1jb21taXR0ZWUuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIyMTIyNCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04MTAzMyZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyMDc2MCZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY6H74qZj_Z9Pl1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Inside the Jan. 6 Committee Power struggles, resignations and made-for-TV moments — the untold story of the most important congressional investigation in generations. By Robert Draper, Luke Broadwater and Philip Montgomery](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TmaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMy9tYWdhemluZS9qYW4tNi1jb21taXR0ZWUuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIyMTIyNCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04MTAzMyZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyMDc2MCZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY6H74qZj_Z9Pl1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [[Article Image] Photo illustration by Pablo Delcan](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TwaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMC9tYWdhemluZS90aWt0b2stdXMtY2hpbmEtZGlwbG9tYWN5Lmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [How TikTok Became a Diplomatic Crisis A Chinese app conquered the planet — and now the U.S. is threatening to shut it down. Can the world’s biggest virality machine survive? By Alex W. Palmer](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TwaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMC9tYWdhemluZS90aWt0b2stdXMtY2hpbmEtZGlwbG9tYWN5Lmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [[Article Image] Illustration by Max-o-matic](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TmaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMS9tYWdhemluZS9jaXZpbC13YXItamFuLTYuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIyMTIyNCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04MTAzMyZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyMDc2MCZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY6H74qZj_Z9Pl1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Was the Civil War Inevitable? A historian of the conflict traces the path to disunion in the 1850s — and the lessons it holds for our own era of deep division. By David W. Blight and Max-o-matic](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TmaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMS9tYWdhemluZS9jaXZpbC13YXItamFuLTYuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIyMTIyNCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04MTAzMyZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyMDc2MCZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY6H74qZj_Z9Pl1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TzaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMC9tYWdhemluZS9jaGFybGVuZS1yaWNoYXJkLWNhanVuLXNhaW50Lmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [The Miraculous Life and Afterlife of Charlene Richard She died in 1959, at age 12. But for Catholics in her Louisiana community, that was just the beginning of her incredible story — and a decades-long fight to make her a saint. By Nathaniel Rich and Stacy Kranitz](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TzaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMC9tYWdhemluZS9jaGFybGVuZS1yaWNoYXJkLWNhanVuLXNhaW50Lmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) MORE FROM THE MAGAZINE [[Article Image] Chris Simpson for The New York Times. Food stylist: Maggie Ruggiero. Prop stylist: Sophia Pappas.](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TuaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMS9tYWdhemluZS9zYXZvcnktcGllLXBhcnR5LXJlY2lwZS5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjIxMjI0Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTgxMDMzJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTIwNzYwJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpjofvipmP9n0-XUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [A Holiday Surprise From Yotam Ottolenghi It’s party season! Bring some fun to your next gathering with a savory pie that conceals a cheesy filling of butternut squash and chard. By Yotam Ottolenghi](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TuaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMS9tYWdhemluZS9zYXZvcnktcGllLXBhcnR5LXJlY2lwZS5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjIxMjI0Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTgxMDMzJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTIwNzYwJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpjofvipmP9n0-XUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [[Article Image] Illustration by Niklas Wesner](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TzaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMC9tYWdhemluZS9kcmVhbS1qb3VybmFsLXJlY29tbWVuZGF0aW9uLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION Keeping a Dream Journal Helped Me See My Worries in a New Way When the concerns I was recording became repetitive, I followed this free insight into my subconscious. By Marie Solis](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TzaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMC9tYWdhemluZS9kcmVhbS1qb3VybmFsLXJlY29tbWVuZGF0aW9uLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [[Article Image] Photo illustration by Alicia Tatone](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0T2aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMS9tYWdhemluZS93aGl0ZS1wYXBlci1wcm90ZXN0cy1jZW5zb3JzaGlwLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [How Do You Protest in the Face of Censorship? An Empty Sign. In China, Russia and the United Kingdom, unmarked sheets of white paper have become a potent symbol of defiance. By Jody Rosen](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0T2aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMS9tYWdhemluZS93aGl0ZS1wYXBlci1wcm90ZXN0cy1jZW5zb3JzaGlwLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [[Article Image] Illustration by R. O. Blechman](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TkaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMi9tYWdhemluZS9wb2VtLWRvb3RsaXpoLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [Poem: Dootł’izh The Navajo word can mean both green or blue. In this poem, it is perhaps a metaphor for the mixture of elusive emotions that can coexist within humans. By Esther G. Belin and Victoria Chang](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TkaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMi8yMi9tYWdhemluZS9wb2VtLWRvb3RsaXpoLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [[Article Image] Illustration by Louise Zergaeng Pomeroy](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P4QHAWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm55dGltZXMuY29tLzIwMjIvMTIvMjIvbWFnYXppbmUvanVkZ2Utam9obi1ob2RnbWFuLWNvbnRyb3ZlcnNpYWwtY2hyaXN0bWFzLWdpZnRzLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [Judge John Hodgman on Christmas Gifts for the Unborn Should a family expecting in January treat Christmas like a baby shower? By John Hodgman](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P4QHAWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm55dGltZXMuY29tLzIwMjIvMTIvMjIvbWFnYXppbmUvanVkZ2Utam9obi1ob2RnbWFuLWNvbnRyb3ZlcnNpYWwtY2hyaXN0bWFzLWdpZnRzLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) Stay in touch: Follow us on Twitter ([@NYTmag](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TAaHR0cHM6Ly90d2l0dGVyLmNvbS9ueXRtYWc_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~)) or check us out on [Instagram](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TBaHR0cDovL2luc3RhZ3JhbS5jb20vbnl0bWFnP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjIxMjI0Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTgxMDMzJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTIwNzYwJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpjofvipmP9n0-XUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~). Appreciated this email? Forward it to a friend and help us grow. Loved a story? Hated it? Write us a letter at magazine@nytimes.com. Did a friend forward this to you? Sign up [here](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TSaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vbmV3c2xldHRlcnMvbWFnYXppbmU_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) to get the magazine newsletter. Listen to narrated versions of our articles every week. [Download Audm for iPhone or Android](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0S7aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuYXVkbS5jb20vP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjIxMjI0Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTgxMDMzJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTIwNzYwJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpjofvipmP9n0-XUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~). [Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-tracking_unit-2) Need help? Review our [newsletter help page](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TpaHR0cHM6Ly9oZWxwLm55dGltZXMuY29tL2hjL2VuLXVzL2FydGljbGVzLzM2MDAwMTQ4ODI2Ni1OZXdzbGV0dGVycz9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIyMTIyNCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04MTAzMyZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyMDc2MCZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY6H74qZj_Z9Pl1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) or [contact us](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0ToaHR0cHM6Ly9oZWxwLm55dGltZXMuY29tL2hjL2VuLXVzL2FydGljbGVzLzExNTAxNTM4NTg4Ny1Db250YWN0LXVzP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjIxMjI0Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTgxMDMzJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTIwNzYwJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpjofvipmP9n0-XUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) for assistance. You received this email because you signed up for The New York Times Magazine from The New York Times. To stop receiving The New York Times Magazine, [unsubscribe](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P4RCAWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm55dGltZXMuY29tL25ld3NsZXR0ZXJzL29wdG91dD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIyMTIyNCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04MTAzMyZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcHJvZHVjdD1NQSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTIwNzYwJnRlPTEmdG9rZW49NDFlYmRkZWM5YjRiNDQ4Y2NkNDgwMDk5NGU1Y2JhZTM1MGE3Mjg0NzU0NzdjNjdkN2ZmOWVhMDNkMjUxOTg0NWM4Yzk4Yzk3MmVmYTlhOGVmNDU2MDc5MTZiMTlmNjgwJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY6H74qZj_Z9Pl1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA). To opt out of other promotional emails from The Times, [manage your email preferences](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P4Q3AWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm55dGltZXMuY29tL25ld3NsZXR0ZXJzL21hbmFnZT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIyMTIyNCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04MTAzMyZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyMDc2MCZ0ZT0xJnRva2VuPTQxZWJkZGVjOWI0YjQ0OGNjZDQ4MDA5OTRlNWNiYWUzNTBhNzI4NDc1NDc3YzY3ZDdmZjllYTAzZDI1MTk4NDVjOGM5OGM5NzJlZmE5YThlZjQ1NjA3OTE2YjE5ZjY4MCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~). [Subscribe to The Times](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TbaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vc3Vic2NyaXB0aW9uP2NhbXBhaWduSWQ9OVJYNzgmY2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~)[Get The New York Times app](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TYaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vc2VydmljZXMvbW9iaWxlL2luZGV4Lmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) Connect with us on: [twitter](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TAaHR0cHM6Ly90d2l0dGVyLmNvbS9ueXRtYWc_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [instagram](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0THaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuaW5zdGFncmFtLmNvbS9ueXRtYWcvP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjIxMjI0Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTgxMDMzJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTIwNzYwJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpjofvipmP9n0-XUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [Change Your Email](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TSaHR0cHM6Ly9teWFjY291bnQubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vbWVtL2VtYWlsLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~)[Privacy Policy](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TzaHR0cDovL3d3dy5ueXRpbWVzLmNvbS9jb250ZW50L2hlbHAvcmlnaHRzL3ByaXZhY3kvcG9saWN5L3ByaXZhY3ktcG9saWN5Lmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMjEyMjQmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODEwMzMmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjA3NjAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmOh--KmY_2fT5dSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~)[Contact Us](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TaaHR0cHM6Ly9teWFjY291bnQubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vbWVtYmVyY2VudGVyL2hlbHAuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIyMTIyNCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04MTAzMyZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyMDc2MCZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY6H74qZj_Z9Pl1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA)[California Notices](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0TXaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vcHJpdmFjeS9jYWxpZm9ybmlhLW5vdGljZT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIyMTIyNCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04MTAzMyZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyMDc2MCZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY6H74qZj_Z9Pl1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [LiveIntent Logo](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0ReaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubGl2ZWludGVudC5jb20vcG93ZXJlZC1ieT90ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIyMTIyNFcDbnl0QgpjofvipmP9n0-XUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~)[AdChoices Logo](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRliWf7P0ReaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubGl2ZWludGVudC5jb20vYWQtY2hvaWNlcz90ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIyMTIyNFcDbnl0QgpjofvipmP9n0-XUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) The New York Times Company. 620 Eighth Avenue New York, NY 10018