Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Mon, 20 Feb

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Mon, 20 Feb, we hope they provide you with a few fleeting moments of respite from the calamity continually unfolding around us. Thanks again for subscribing! [New think tank created to find more things to blame on foreigners]( Following the success of blaming foreigners for problems with the economy and the NHS, a new think tank has been created to blame all sorts of other things on foreigners. [Read more »]( [Middle-class man successfully avoids making eye contact with his plumber]( 37-year-old Simon Williams managed to get through the ordeal of a 2-hour heating inspection without making eye contact with his plumber once, he has revealed. [Read more »]( [Joe Biden pretty sure he’s in the UK]( US President Joe Biden has announced his delight at being in the UK, just minutes after arriving on a surprise visit to Ukraine. [Read more »]( [Liz Truss wins Bafta for her comedy documentary ‘My Tory Government’]( Former prime minister Liz Truss has secured a Bafta for her hilarious comedy documentary about her time in Downing Street. [Read more »]( [Man celebrates winning argument against wife with victorious night on sofa]( A local man has spent a victorious night on the sofa after roundly defeating his wife in an argument about chores. [Read more »]( [Johnson tells Sunak to keep Brexit deal shit]( Former Prime Minister, corrupt crook and appalling fat bastard Boris Johnson has intervened in the debate over the Northern Ireland protocol, telling PM Rishi Sunak to ‘keep the Brexit deal shit.’ [Read more »]( [Radicalised dipshits hugely excited to be quoting Magna Carta again]( The nation's morons have announced their delight at being able to quote Magna Carta again, less than two years after they incorrectly used it to protest against masks being used in Tesco. [Read more »]( [Man worried he might have turned ‘Woke’ after happily using a gender-neutral toilet without realising]( A man has today revealed to close friends that he is worried he has become 'dangerously woke' after using a gender-neutral bathroom without even realising. [Read more »]( [Elon Musk confirms that Christmas Day will be celebrated by hackers on 19th March this year]( Elon Musk's Twitter has announced the end of text-based two-factor authentication on free Twitter accounts on 19th March this year, setting hackers across the world on high alert for their impending 'Christmas Day'. [Read more »]( [Arsenal release updated club crest showing wheels have completely come offÂ]( Arsenal have revealed their brand new club crest which they will be using for the rest of the season, where the wheels have completely fallen off the club cannon. [Read more »]( [A selection of NewsThump T-shirt designs]( Have you checked out the latest NewsThump T-shirts? Click the image to see the full range! Copyright © 2023 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](