Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Wed, 01 Feb

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Wed, 01 Feb, we hope they provide you with a few fleeting moments of respite from the calamity continually unfolding around us. Thanks again for subscribing! [Girlfriend successfully watches entire TV show without asking who anyone is]( Your girlfriend has managed to watch an entire episode of the procedural crime drama you like without once asking who someone is, according to reports this evening. [Read more »]( [Man who successfully completed Veganuary spending today eating his own body weight in meat]( A man who gave up eating meat for January is today trying to eat an entire dead pig to himself. [Read more »]( [Black History Month kicks off with the now traditional ‘wailing of the c*nts’]( Black History Month has officially begun across North America with the ritual social media harping of predictable fuckwits making tedious comments as to not having a month for other ethnic groups or how Britain abolished slavery. [Read more »]( [Man left red-faced during 20-minute queue for Costa Coffee drive-thru after realising he owns kettle at home]( A man has been left red-faced today after queuing for twenty minutes at a Costa Coffee drive-through, before suddenly realising that he actually owns a kettle at home. [Read more »]( [People who did ‘Dry January’ not feeling so smug this morning, reveals study]( People who abstained from alcohol throughout January are today feeling like shit warmed up, a study has revealed. [Read more »]( [Daddy Pig ‘deeply hurt’ at being called a Gammon]( Hardcore Remain campaigners have caused Daddy Pig 'considerable upset' after levelling abuse at him in public - including calling him a 'Gammon', which he found deeply insensitive. [Read more »]( [Wages to be recalculated based on how useful you will be after the apocalypse]( Your value to the post-apocalyptic world will determine your wages from now on, according to reports this afternoon. [Read more »]( [A selection of NewsThump T-shirt designs]( Have you checked out the latest NewsThump T-shirts? Click the image to see the full range! Copyright © 2023 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](