Fark NotNewsletter: Fark's situation is even worse than we expected

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1586379405-3215-57065 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Facebook"](3D") [=3D"Twitter"](3D") [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [ 3042](3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message = from Drew Curtis: ____________________= ____ Tl;dr sign up for [TotalFark](3D" and [Bar= eFark](3D" if you can. This one's hard for me because I'm usually the= one who keeps things positive. An unintended side effect of that is = that I often appear to be unconcerned. It's not that I'm unconcerned, it's = just that for me personally I find that fear and panic get in the way = of good decision making. The guy at the top has to hold everyone else= together. I want to say Fark's going to be fine, that we're going t= o get an SBA loan or that the paycheck protection program won't run out of = money before our application clears. But truthfully, I don't know tha= t any of that will happen. Here's the bad news: Th= e first week of April's ad revenue is in the books. I'm not going to = lie: it's dire. For the first week of April, Fark's ad revenue was down ove= r 50% from last year. This is much worse than what the [IAB predicted in a survey](3D") l= ast week, which seemed to indicate a 33% drop, which still would have been = brutal but obviously way better than the 50% we're now seeing. T= his is industry-wide by the way - it's happening to every digital media pro= perty simultaneously. Additionally, that 50% revenue drop Fark saw last wee= k would have been even lower except Fark's traffic lately is up quite a lot= - especially on weekends, where traffic has nearly doubled. Before t= he pandemic, traffic on weekends would drop in half - a pattern that has he= ld steady for 20 years. This is no longer the case. The = somewhat good news is that last week, a bunch of you signed up and sponsore= d others for [TotalFark](3D"=) and [BareFark](3D" accounts.= That is hugely helpful - thank you so much! And a speci= al thanks to everyone who submitted sponsorship threads, including [= Warthog and the LP gang](3D"), [null](3D"), and= [I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That= trong>](3D"). Even with that amazing and generous showing, we stil= l need more subscriptions if we're going to survive this. Please sign= up today if you can. I hate to ask because I know that other = folks are worse off. Your local newspaper is probably not going to ma= ke it either. They're even more dependent on advertising than Fark is, they= probably have way more employees than we do, and they're in exactly the sa= me boat. If you can, subscribe to your local news websites. Also if y= ou can, order from your local restaurants doing takeout. If you're super lu= cky, hopefully you can order beer or cocktails to go as well. For example, = I heard from one friend in Nashville that they've seen pickup trucks with k= egs of beer cruising neighborhoods and selling growler fills. Meanwhile, I'll be doing everything I can to keep things going on our= end. Because (and only because) we're running out of options, s= ometime in the next two weeks, we're going to test blocking ad-blockers for= a 24-hour period to see what impact that makes on revenue. If it's m= inimal, we'll retain ad-blocking, because I get it no one (including me) li= kes ads, and I know some readers need to use ad blockers for accessibility = reasons. If the impact of the test is substantial, I'll update in a future = Fark NotNewsletter what we decide to do. We don't have the luxury of = having a choice in the matter anymore. Signing up for [TotalFark and](3D" would be a fantastic alternative to ad blockin= g, however. [BareFark](3D"=) in particular because it removes all= ads from Fark. We're also experimenting with new projec= ts to capture new audience share - I'm live streaming a not-so-serious dail= y news summary Tuesday - Friday that is worth a look. The main host s= ite can be found at [twitch.tv/drewcurtis](3D"https://=), but w= e'll be simulcasting across YouSpace and FaceTube and the rest here shortly= . Videos of previous streams can be seen at [my= Twitch channel](3D") as well, and eventually on the other SpaceTubes, too. M= y dad likes it. That's a huge endorsement right there. We're hoping t= o do an evening stream this Friday during which I will be drinking the enti= re time. So heads up politics tab - it's been a rough week. = Speaking of other initiatives, in this week's [Fark and Schnitt podcast](3D"), Todd gives = us an update from inside the Manhattan hot zone. We've got a discussi= on about the world's oldest profession moving from offline to online, branc= hing out into therapy even. And we discuss what America 2.0 may look like.&= nbsp; Check it out - it's more serious than usual, but it's good. [Download from iTunes](3D") = or wherever you find your podcasts I hope you all are safe and well.= We're all in this together. ________________________ We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter. ____________= ____________ Top Comme= nts Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments = from the past week Funny: Farking Clown Shoes = strong> showed [how we felt on March 1s= t versus how we felt on March 31st](3D"https://=) jim32rr ex= pressed [condolences and hope to anothe= r Farker](3D"=) 6nome shared [a sexy poster from the 70s and 80s](3D" Giant Clown Shoe= felt like [an entirely diffe= rent but superficially similar person](3D"ht=) coronavirus = ong> reacted to [an opinion about pande= mic modeling](3D"https:/=) Dead for Tax Reasons noticed somethin= g about [a contaminant that caused Zant= ac to be pulled from the market](3D"=) oldernell was prep= ared for [the sudden rush of people buy= ing out seeds to grow their own food](3D"=) Thong_of_Zardoz = g> [prepared for the milkocalypse](3D") Grumpy Cat had a name for [what Dean Cain and most of us look like now](3D" Demetrius = strong> [did not react to a photo of a man w= ho hosted a "corona potluck"](3D"=) Smart: brantgoo= se argued that [viruses can= 't be killed](=3D" Xai explained [why efforts to flatten the curve on COVID-19 transmission i= s not just "hiding infections in the future"](3D") That Guy What S= tole the Bacon shared a story about [parents having strange beliefs about where they'll be safe right no= w](3D" GoOutBlazing plans on [earning that nickname, hopefully a long time from now](3D" Jerry Curlan's Horsey shared a story about [people who know better but do the dumb thing anyway](3D")= > nmrsnr pointed out [the significance of a sentence buried in an article claiming that half = of people infected with the novel coronavirus are asymptomatic](3D" question_dj figured that [a former COVID-19 skeptic's belief that the news media was using the panic= to distract us from something else wasn't without precedent](3D" Bootleg apparently didn't p= ay enough attention in history class DrewCurtisJr = came up with [a solution to the problem= of people having coronavirus parties that should satisfy everyone](3D"=) CSB Sunday Morning: [That time boredom struck and you chose poorly Smart (tie):](=3D") Redh8t described [what happens when construction crews get bored after = hours](3D") Smart (tie): The adults in silvervial= >'s family learned what happens when [you release kids into the woods after they've been snowed in for five days=](3D" Smart honorable mention: TexasPeace = g> and some friends [explored actual Na= zi tunnels while attending third grade at a U.S. Army post in Germany](3D"htt=)Funny: ytterbium learned as a little kid that&= nbsp;[sometimes the only person you can coun= t on is yourself](3D") CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a threa= d where Farkers share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly t= opic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please [co= ntact Farkback](3D" ahead of time, or just [submit it](3D" on Saturday af= ternoon/evening. If you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out fi= rst so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies. Please note: While sub= mitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit,= there is no guarantee they will be. TotalFark Discussion:= Note: This section can only be accessed by [TotalFarkers= a> Smart: rcf1105 had excellent advice= for](3D" video conferences = while working from home](3D"=) Funny: MissFeasance = g> shared some important information about [practicing safe sex](3D" Funny: ThomasPaineTrain = showed someone who was [feeli= ng defensive after an earthquake in Idaho](3D" Smart: lo= veblondieo [did some very smart th= ings](3D"https:/=) Funny: croesius explained [how to make a copy of a YouTube video](3D") Politics Funny: OptionC had questions about&= nbsp;[Donald Trump invoking the Defense Prod= uction Act](3D") Dead for Tax Reasons had a message for a= [train engineer who intentionally dera= iled a train because of a conspiracy theory](3D") Polezni Durak = strong> [made an illustration more illustrat= ive](3D"=) Jack Sabbath recalled [Dr. Anthony Fauci's first career](3D") brap = shared [one of Trump's nonsensical twe= ets](3D"=) Politics Smart: edmo had reaso= ns for [not buying the official story f= or why the captain of the Theodore Roosevelt was relieved of his command](3D"=)= > kbronsito suggested [a new role for Brett Crozier](3D" PluckYew wante= d [the news media to handle any golf ou= tings Trump has in a certain way](3D") arrogantbastich r= eacted to ["Four things only libertaria= ns can see about COVID-19"](3D"=) skozlaw [defended a Fark headline comparing U.S. deaths from COVID-= 19 to deaths on 9/11](3D") Top= Contest Entries Some of the top-voted contest entries fr= om last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshop= s: The first NINE winners are from [Add a Sesame Street char= acter to a famous work of art](3D"): hail2daking found p= roof that [chocolate chip cookies were = actually created by God](3D"=) PhotoshopCrazy showed us&n= bsp;[what Beaker does when he's not working PhotoshopCrazy proved](3D")[we don't always see ourselves as others see us](3D" Yamm= ering_Splat_Vector found [Vin= cent van Gogh's most obscure self portrait](3D" opalakea = > showed that [sometimes Rowlf acts jus= t like other dogs](3D"https://w=) Herb Utsmelz let us see [what this artist's mother really looked like= a> noazark ran into](3D")[the problem of birds' ears not having external parts](3D" hail= 2daking gave [Oscar the Grouc= h a new place to eat](3D"=) DarkJohnson captured [the Swedish Chef in a reflective moment](3D") This Is Bold Text [was no= t proud of this](3D" Captions: From [Caption this confrontation](3D" Albert911emt = strong> knew [what squirrels want to ta= lk about](3D"=) TheSteelCricket heard [an angry warning](3D") RedZoneTuba cou= ld tell [these two were fighting over w= ho's more masculine](3D"=) Fartist Friday: [Make a mask from things you have on hand](3D") LucyBrew made [a mask from 99% natural materials](3D" This week's Fartist= Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: For our = Fark Artists of all skill levels, this week's Fartist Friday theme: "C= upboard & Cabinet Creations": Raid your stashes and showcase your favor= ite social distancing provisions! Difficulty: the only provisions allowed t= o be showcased are cans, cartons and paper goods like TP (if you're lucky e= nough to have any). Dress up your refreshing can of Fresca in a crown. Pres= ent your bog roll stash (pre-used, please) with pizzazz. Toss that can of w= ater chestnuts aside and put your Spaghettios decorated front and center in= a masterpiece d'resistance. You get the gist. Ignore what the grownups say= : Play with your food! But, carefully please - no use crying over spilled c= anned milk. About Fartist Friday: Fark's working on ways= to keep you entertained during this time of social distancing. To start, w= e're posting weekly "art" contests with different themes and media, wh= ich we're tentatively calling Fartist Friday - let us know if you have a su= ggestion for a better name. We ran our first Fartist Friday contest two wee= ks ago, [MSPaint your pet or your dream pet](3D"=). The winners of th= e Fartist Friday contests will be named in the following Fark NotNewsletter= , where we'll also announce the theme for the next contest. Fartist Friday = contests will be submitted Thursdays with commenting closed until an hour b= efore they show up on Fark's main page on Fridays, and will close to both c= omments and voting at the end of the day (midnight Eastern) on Sundays= . All times are approximate because we're all drunk. We're asking each pers= on to limit their entries to three per contest. We might change things= up depending on feedback. Please contact Farkback to let us know wha= t you think, and feel free to [submit your own Fartist Friday ideas](=3D". Farktography: freakingmoron won Fa= rktography Contest No. 778: "[Apocalyps= e Now](3D=)" with [these young sprouts](3D"https:/=)= > Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would li= ke to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact [Els= inore](3D". Fark Wei= rd News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy= >) Another good time on the Quiz last week, with two people making i= t into the 1000 club, where they will remain social distant while watc= hing a reply of the 1978 World Series Game III on the big screen. general tso takes top honors with 1015, followed by = Bruce Campbell vs Army of Farkness in second with 101= 4 and urethra_franklin in third with 973. Tex= a$ took fourth with 936, and Mztlplx rounds = out the top five with 931. The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was= over what you get when you adopt a pet from Midwest Animal Rescue and Serv= ice. Only 22% of quiztakers knew that a furry friend will also net you a ni= ce supply of Busch "beer" - enough to have about two cans a day for t= he next three months, or throw one good party that will make your friends t= hink less of you. The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over&nbs= p;Nicolás Maduro and the narco-terrorism charges brought against him= by the US. 87% of quiztakers knew that he was the president of Venezuela. = although for how much longer is anyone's guess. The hardest qu= estion on the Easy Quiz was about the New Bob Dylan song "Murder Most Foul"= . Only 38% of quiztakers knew that it was 17 minutes of Dylan rambling on a= bout the assassination of John F. Kennedy, although with Dylan, we're going= to have to take his word because good luck trying to decipher the actual l= yrics. The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the Falkland I= slands and which country had offered them assistance. 93% of quiztakers kne= w that it was Argentina that offered the coronavirus tests and medical help= , and who is in a long dispute about the ownership of the Islands with the = UK. No word if they get BBC programming there or their stance on Brexit. Congratulations to the winners, and be sure to check out [this week's Fark Weird News Quiz](3D"). --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") from newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click her= e to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1713, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1586379405-3215-57065--