Fark NotNewsletter: All the Trials - All of them

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1715201019-69362-12617 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [(3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message= from Drew Curtis: ________________________ He= y everyone hope your week's been well. The May TotalFark subscripti= on drive continues this week. Last week we got 93 ne= w subscribers! Which is pretty amazing considering I only mentioned i= t in [last week's newsletter.](3D") As for w= hy that is, well I'm bad at self promotion - but not to worry I've got a fe= w more things coming in the next few days, many of which you won't see if y= ou [subscribe to TotalFa= rk](3D")! Some folks aren't in a position to be able to subscri= be to anything, and I totally understand that. However, there are a f= ew TotalFark subscribers who love to gift subscriptions to folks that impre= ss them one way or the other. So on Friday, for those who wis= h to participate, we'll be having another discussion thread [(under the heading by the same name)](3D" w= here you can tell us why we should sponsor you for TotalFark. Ther= e's no requirement for anything you say to actually be true, just be funny = and/or interesting (or both). Thanks to the TotalFarkers who suggeste= d we try this, can't wait to see how it goes. Remembe= r, if we hit 1000 subscribers in May, I'll fight Mike Tyson (*Mike= Tyson has not actually agreed to do this yet). Thursday 4pm = et it's the [Fark News Livestream](3D"=) with me and Di= ll. Lucky's still out and Christine is still on jury duty - she swear= s she's not on the Trump jury but I'm starting to have my doubts. Any= how last week we tried a format change and it worked! So we'll be doi= ng that again. Come join the fun as I make Dill read the most off-col= or headlines of the week. And much as I am reluctant to do so, we're = gonna have to delve into politics a little - so if we have to go in a littl= e, we're going all the way in. Is this a reference to a certain NYC t= rial? I deny all wrongdoing. ________________________ End Drew transmission ____________________= ____ Top Interactions = n> Some of the best interactions from the past week. Do note: th= is takes priority over being placed in "top comments." - [vudukungfu](3D")accidentally reminded [Winterlight](3D"), [arrogantbastich](3D"=), and [HighlanderRPI= a>](3D") that a galaxy far, far away is the perfect place to go off the = grid. Top Comments= an> Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past w= eek. If your post isn't here, assume that NotNewsletterMonkey = strong>couldn't think of a tagline. (The [Smartest](3D" and [Funniest](3D" for the past month are found elsewher= e.) Funny: - RoyFokker'sGhost[won= ders what X-men timeline we're in.](3D") - MrSplifferton= ong>[: "Typical guy."](3D") - mofa[highly recommends= electric chainsaws.](3D") - sirrerun[knows why you = don't wear green in photos.](3D") Smart: - p= atcarew[shared an ancient hobby: listening for distant AM radio st= ations.](3D".=) - Dryad[knows the source of anti-anima= l sentiment.](3D" - Ghostwheel20[thought about the= logistics of having a university divest from an industry.](3D") - Gyrfalcon[knows what to do when you find an abandoned baby a= nimal.](3D"http=) [Politics](3D"http=) Politics Funny: - mrshowrules[Oh, that's not the only thing that'll get messy.](3D"https=)= > - fiddlehead[discovered that, yes, some social m= edia users are in danger of mangling their genitals.](3D" - = EdgeRunner[created an amusing interpretation of a comparison betwe= en the Gestapo and the Biden administration.](3D"https://w=) - bzdrumme= r[is surprised this hasn't happened in the TFG case(s) yet.](3D"=)= - LurkLongAndProsper[... Why does this read like a= movie plot?](3D" Politics Smart: - Devolvi= ng_Spud[can't imagine listening to TFG ramble for over an hour. We= already get enough of him on here!](3D".=) - vudukungfu= g>[knows how to tell if a lawyer & legal team aren't panicking about th= e case.](3D") Monkey's Pick I felt t= hese posts were exceptionally funny or smart, even though they didn't get m= any votes. Warning: Unsorted, may contain politics. Funny= m>: - MBooda[noticed an unfortunate acronym for an= intelligence service.](3D" Smart: - Hyjamo= n[knows not to park in a driveway when delivering pizza.](3D"=) = - Iczer[spotted a way this bill could be misinterpret= ed to ban gendered restrooms. (Quote: "hysterically teabagging.")](3D=) -&= nbsp;pup.socket[: "Don't people read what they quote?"](=3D" eurotrader[hypothesized a potential, political, = venn diagram.](3D" [CSB](3D" Morning theme - "[That time you were mistaken for some= one famous](3D" This week, Farkers were challenged to = share times others thought they looked like a famous person. [Funny](3D"): - gonegirl[was mistake= n for Snape. Nevermind being a different gender, and ~30 years younger.](3D")= - SloppyFrenchKisser[was told they looked like th= e killer in Psycho. They played along.](3D" - KingKauff= ong>[realized that, no, that really was the rapper - not their lookalike.= a> - oldfarthenry](3D")[keeps getting mistaken for a hom= eless person, somehow.](3D" - MBooda[metamorphosize= d from Matt Damon to Rush Limbaugh.](3D") [Smart= >](3D"): - Lorelle['s dad drew in the (once) head coa= ch of the Chiefs by looking like a famous golfer.](3D" - kev= inatilusa[shares a first AND last name with a famous mathematician= . And also works at a university. Guess.](3D"=) - Rene ala Car= te[created a dinner reservation for "George Clooney" and "Brad Pi= tt." No, this is not a repeat from Ferris Bueller's Day Out.](3D".=) - = Patmaniac[, as a Greg Allman lookalike, did a lot of t-shir= t art for the Allman Bros. band.](3D"ht=) Top Contest Entries Some of the top-voted [contest](3D" entries from last week. = As always, everybody gets one - and they're sorted by how likely they are t= o still be open. [Photoshops](3D" - EvaDewer= trong>['Wish You Were Here, helping me cook'](3D") - RedZoneT= uba[had to find a suitable counterweight for all the hamberders.= a> - Yammering_Splat_Vector](3D"=)[rickrolled the mixers= .](3D" - I_Am_Weasel[delivered UBird Eats.](3D" -= Thoaar[put a schoolbus's worth of musicians on the T= itanic.](3D=) - bathbone[knows who should be held by= an officer and a gentleman.](3D" - whatsupchuck[co= uldn't carry a bundle of sticks for this Led Zeppelin album, so they settle= d for an overlarge tamale instead.](3D") - SonOfSpam= [designed a cannon that can level a tree.](3D") - Mr. Shabo= oboo[visited Cameron Howe's house. (Ferris Bueller not included.) - p51d007](3D"=)[replaced the St. Louis Arch with a b= etter one.](3D" - hammettman[is a lot more scared,= now that they're all grown up.](3D" - markie_farkie= >[attempted to cheat with the world's first cybernetic dog.](3D") - = SubsequentDamagechose an unfortunate place to meet with D= arth Vader. - west.la.lawyer[combated PS1 wo= lves with an electric guitar. (That's probably not Lara Croft - not pointy = enough.)](3D") - Blipvert[hosted the Late Night sh= ow, Viking-style.](3D" - jdh[reimagined a Metallic= a cover, using a natural pattern.](3D" - Mock26[saw= - or rather, heard - Hercules, disappointed in how far his strength had fa= llen.](3D") - Mojongo[picked out a MUGA hat.](3D" = - Stephen_Falken[postulated what zoo exhibits might l= ook like in the far future.](3D" - jaylight2003[kno= ws what the cacophony of summer birdsong needs: a conductor.](3D") - = James_Corn[replaced Donkey Kong with a more repugnant ape.=](3D"h=) [Captions](3D"https:/=): "Caption this press conference= " ([image](3D")) SBinRR[: "All I'm saying is it would be ni= ce to hear 'That guy from Corvette Summer' on occasion. Too much to ask?"= a> Aetre](3D" a reporter.](3D"=) "[Caption this happy time at the barbecue](3D")" ([image](3D" = RedZoneTuba[knows where that baby's going.](3D"https://=) Walker= strong>[realized where the shot dog went after.](3D") "[Cap= tion this captain and first mate](3D")" ([image](3D" ketkarsa= ng>[knows it's a dog-eat-man-eat-dog world out there.](3D") Mojong= o[thinks they saw a real party animal.](3D"=) RedZoneTub= a[: "You should have taken care of that before we left the dock, = Willie."](3D"=) "[Caption this guy c= ontemplating life, the universe, and everything](3D"https:=)" ([image](3D" RedZoneTuba[wonders if they should buy a boat.](3D"https:/=) The= Swizz[knows exactly what's in this dude's head.](3D"=) [Farktogr= aphy theme:](3D") "A Study in Contrasts" = This week, Farkers were challenged to show us images with a clear contrast = between two things in the same photo. (Light vs dark; tall vs short; smooth= vs rough; simple vs complex; etc.) - MorningBreath= >[found a seemingly-unbalanced lamp, except each pair of lights is equally= -sized, and an equal distance apart.](3D") - Elsinore= >[lit ice on fire. How.](3D") - Lovesandwich[notice= d an island that remained dark, even with sunlight streaming down from the = clouds.](3D") - EvaDewer[... That's a vampire.](3D" [Upcoming Fark Parties](3D".=) It's easy to p= lan for a Fark Party - you're effectively saying that "I'm going to be here= at this time, come hang out." [Submit one!](=3D" Still planning the OCT. 12TH, 25th Anniversary Fark Party = (Lexington KY). We'll have a thr= ead for it when we figure out the venue. Fark Headlines of the Week A selection= of some of the top headlines from last week. [Thieves make off= with a hundred pounds of smoked salmon, as police say the burglars must ha= ve picked the lox](3D") [Massive crowd gathers on San Francisco= pier, asking questions, and looking for a reasoned discussion](=3D") = [Biden for= gives $6 billion in loans for over 300,000 Art Institutes students, because= it's not like any of them are ever going to have any money anyway](3D") = [CEO sentenced to six years in prison for selling millions in count= erfeit Cisco equipment to the US military. Procurement officials became sus= picious when the delivered equipment worked right the first time and rarely= crashed](3D") [The bridge was hu= ngry today, my friends. Like an old man trying to return a Ryder truck in D= urham](3D"https:/=) ["Homeless man under house arrest." How?](3D"=) On this day in histo= ry, in 1993, the World Wide Web launched in the public domain. This has mad= e a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move = [Woman's front porch col= lapsed, trapping her legs. First responders quickly found her, thanks to he= r wearing bright red shoes and quirky striped socks](3D") ["Running home for Christmas", or "Objects in the r= hea view mirror may appear closer than they are"](3D") [China att= empts to be the first country to return samples from the dark side of the m= oon, apparently unaware of how long that album's been out](3D") [= Banana phones put on silent as Chiquita trial begins](3D") [Drunk and constan= tly throwing shade on yourself is no way to go around town, son](3D") ['Social media should be a human right,' says prisoner strangely not i= n the Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane](3D") [Woman goes all-in on jailhouse romance. Boyfrien= d folds (possible nsfw content on page)](3D") Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy) Another fun time on the Quiz last week, where w= e learned German chocolate cake was actually named for a British chocolatie= r who lived in the US and whose chocolate was used in the recipe creat= ed by a Texas homemaker. To celebrate, I decided to make one for the 1000 c= lub, but I'll have to eat it myself since no one made it in. On the Quiz it= self, TheMothership came out on top with a score of 981, f= ollowed by bud jones in second with 924 and jerr= ysloan21 in third with 921. Dead for Tax Reasons made= fourth with 913, and MinorThreat1 rounds out the top= five with 911. The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz= was about where to find the highest concentration of Farkers in the US. On= ly 29% of quiztakers caught the article about the highest percentage of the= population considered excess drinkers by the CDC and knew that Gallatin Co= unty, Montana, the home of (most of) Yellowstone National Park, was the dru= nkest county in the US according to the latest statistics. Survey responses= included "Leave me alone, I'm keeping warm" and "there's literally nothing= to do here except watch mooses attack tourists, which is always funnier wh= en you're drunk". The easiest question on last week's Easy Qu= iz was about which country's navy the US decimated back in 1898 in Manila B= ay, Philippines. 83% of quiztakers knew we took over the island archipelago= from Spain without giving the Filipinos living there much say in the matte= r. This pretty much ended the Spanish-American war since the Spaniards had = nothing left to fight with, and brought about a quasi-independence of Cuba.= Fun fact: the war also gave us a 3% excise tax on long distance phone call= s that Americans paid all the way to 2006 - the cessation of which led phon= e services to stop billing "local" and "long distance" calls seperately and= future generations not understanding the "Bob Wehadababyitsaboy" commercia= ls. The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about which f= ast food joint's British division was offering a perfume to celebrate = their limited time menu item "the Ultimate BBQ Burger", Only 35% of quiztak= ers caught that only KFC would call their perfume "#11". The "burger" in qu= estion is actually an Original Recipe fillet with BBQ sauce, crispy onions,= cheese, creamy burger dressing and lettuce, I'm guessing they've admitted = defeat in the Chicken Sandwich Wars and have now declared their chicken san= dwich a "burger" to save face. The easiest question on last w= eek's Easy Quiz was about which actor was considering an eighth child with = his current wife, even though he's 66 and this would put him 85 at the kid'= s high school graduation. 92% of quiztakers knew that Alec {NAME} was form= erly married to Kim Basinger and had a child with her, who he might need to= call up for some free babysitting. I dunno, maybe the guy just likes chang= ing diapers and making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. If= you missed out last week, now's a great time to [catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz](3D" now t= hat you know a few of the answers. Congratulations once again to the winner= s, and we'll do it all again on Friday. --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") f= rom newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click here to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1291, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1715201019-69362-12617--