Everything I know about breaking habits

A few nuggets to explore your own potential... “A nail is driven out by another nail. Habit is overcome by habit.” ~ [Erasmus](. I want to try something new — a most weekdays daily burst of inspiration, insight and practical work that you can use to explore your own potential. To start, I have a lot to offer you on breaking habits. If you’re only vaguely familiar with me — the thing I do that is rare is that I collect success stories from a lot of places. Millions of people have changed habits with my habit tracker at Coach.me, the habit coaches I trained at Coach.me, my own coaching, and the advice we’ve published at Better Humans. My spelling and grammar isn’t always perfect, but that collection of experiences puts me in a position to move past theory and get to the heart of what works and what doesn’t. To your benefit, I hope. BTW, I'm emailing you, but you can also email me. If you want to email me back, can you use newsletters@coach.me so that it's separate from the rest of my work email? Or message me on Twitter, [@tonystubblebine](. I'm going to try to write each issue as a set of quick tips and insights and then end by offering you a proper 🚀 life changing exercise 🚀. The exercises are all well tested across thousands of coaching clients, but they also have the downside of requiring you to work. But that's life. Reaching your potential is more work than you want, but less than you fear. Ok. Onward to breaking habits. --- 📗 Coaching Lingo: You break bad habits by replacing them with good habits. We call the strategy replacement habits. File this away as the strategy you can use any time you want to break a habit. --- Pedantic but important point: a habit is defined by the cue that triggers it. Importantly, if your “bad habit” has multiple cues then you’re really talking about breaking multiple habits. Want to give up sweets? The following are all different cues and technically different habits to break: your birthday, the waiter asking if you want dessert, donuts at the office. --- What other smart people say about breaking habits (I trust these people): [James Clear]( [Gretchen Rubin]( [Darius Foroux]( [Leo Babauta]( --- A bad idea that works for some small number of people: My friend Maneesh [sells the Pavlok watch]( for self-inflicted aversion therapy. This is the absolute last strategy I would use. Do every other strategy first. But I have tried it and there’s something weirdly satisfying about shocking yourself. I had a habit of getting sweets at Walgreens so I shocked myself every time I walked past one. I only had to do it a few times to make the point to myself. But again, this is a last resort strategy. For most of us, this is a terrible idea and the people on Shark Tank [weren’t afraid to tell that to Maneesh’s face](. --- A twenty day sequence to break a bad habit: #1 of 20. Here’s where it gets long and also requires you to do actual work. Below is the start of a sequence of exercises that I’ve used with thousands of clients to successfully break almost any type of habit. If you want to do all of the exercises, make sure you subscribe to my newsletter. If you want help and advice, make sure to join my [accountability coaching group, Heavy Mental.]( The first exercise is only somewhat obvious. You have to pick a habit to break, duh. But it's also important to be clear with yourself what you'll get out of breaking it and, surprisingly, what you get right now because you haven't broken it. Part 1: Pick the habit Your first step today is to pick the habit you’re going to give up. In some cases, you may want to reduce a behavior; in others, you’ll want to quit altogether. That’s up to you. Just be specific about your goal here. Specificity is part of all goal setting, i.e. it’s the S in SMART goals. Don’t think you have any bad habits? Try reviewing [this list from the folks at Pavlok](. I’ll bet you’ll find something there! When I send an exercise, trust that I'm doing the exercise alongside you. So for today, I'm choosing to break the habit of taking my phone into the bedroom at night. It’s a simple change that I think will lead to both more reading and better sleep. Remember, I’m writing this all as an actual exercise for you to actually do. Pick your habit to break and write it down. If you want coaching and accountability, join the accountability group. Or just email me: newsletters@coach.me. Park 2: Habit Assessment Do a quick assessment of the current frequency and severity of your indulgence in the habit you’re deleting. Examples: - I smoke a little over a pack of cigarettes every day. (I don't actually) - I overeat about four days a week, usually having double the number of calories I want to be eating in a day. - I check Twitter constantly, every day, countless times. Part 3: Benefits fo the Habit: what is this bad habit doing for you? That’s right. What is the benefit you get from your bad habit? Understanding this is key. Bad habits always have some benefit — that’s why they’re so seductive. Biting nails can sooth jangly nerves. Sleeping through an alarm can provide much-needed rest. Sugar gives us a rush. Rage releases pain-killing brain chemistry and provides energy. Overspending gives us the shopper’s high of “retail therapy”. Nicotine helps some of us be more alert and focused. Jot down the benefits that your bad habit is bringing you now. Part 4: What it’s Costing You? This is easy: you just need to make a list of what this bad habit is costing you. You probably already have at least a background awareness. Here’s some ideas of costs associated with many bad habits: - Decreased health. Name them all as they apply (you may have to do some research): increased cancer risk, increased heart disease risk, early death, poor immunity, risk of injury and bodily harm, etc. - Social and relationship impacts: unattractiveness, lost friendships, inability to participate in activities, lack of confidence, hurting those you love - Financial costs: expense of the habit itself; expenses due to consequences; reduced income due to lost productivity or work time; property damage, medical costs; insurance costs - Self-esteem: how the habit makes you feel about yourself and about how others see you - Discordance: how this habit doesn’t fit the person you see yourself as; how it is incongruous with your self-identity Make a list of what this habit is costing you. Feel free to expand upon this with more writing. The more you clarify and bring these feelings to the surface, the better chance you have of bolstering your emotional commitment. Look again at the “benefits” of the habit you listed earlier. If it’s a bad habit, the costs of it probably outweigh those benefits. And I’ll bet you can think of more healthy ways to get the same results. (We’ll be talking about that more in future exercises.) --- In summary, the first habit breaking exercise in the sequence (out of 20): - Decide on the behavior you will stop as of tomorrow and commit to making the change. - Assess the frequency and severity of the habit: how often do you indulge, and to what extent. - Make a list of the benefits you’ve been getting from this bad habit. - Make a list of what this bad habit is costing you. - Share any of this (that you are comfortable sharing) in the Q&A --- Closing Tip: Perfection vs. Now: Why to start right away I want you to start giving up this habit immediately, as in right now or tomorrow morning. For many of you, you’re going to be hearing an inner voice that wants you to put it off and quit later. But I’m going to challenge you to start right now. A unique thing about the way I approach behavior design is that I know how to help you handle failure. Failing early and learning how to solve those failures is one million times better than the analysis paralysis that comes with being a perfectionist. Copyright © 2021 Lift Worldwide, All rights reserved. You're receiving this email as part of your account for Coach.me. Our mailing address is: Lift Worldwide 3171 Ross Rd #804Graton, CA 95444 [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](.