Barking Up The Wrong Tree
August 11th, 2020
---------------------------------------------------------------
Before we commence with the festivities, I wanted to thank everyone for helping my first book become a Wall Street Journal bestseller! To check it out, click [here](.
---------------------------------------------------------------
The Lazy Way To An Awesome Life: 3 Secrets Backed By Research
([Click here]( to read on the blog)
We all want things to just be normal again.
But in this year-that-will-not-end, life has felt like some sort of gypsy curse. A quantum superposition of malaise. The spring was all of us just standing around slack-jawed, wondering what the universe had planned as a third act for this prank show we call âNowadays.â
And currently weâre still a herd-and-a-half away from herd immunity, understandably restricted from many things like socializing which we count on for happiness. Weâre frazzled, thereâs a low hum of anxiety underneath everything we do, and we canât even go to Olive Garden.
Luckily, we are starting to acclimate, accepting it all as just another episode of the COVID-19 Variety Hour. Problem is, many of us are not acclimating in a good way. Our positive daily routines are screwed up and COVID is throwing Miracle-Gro on our bad habits. Doomscrolling online, endless TV binges, aimless web surfing or far, far worse things are replacing constructive activities that promote true joy and productivity.
Iâd argue that the limitations of COVID and lockdown are mimicking depression: we engage in fewer rewarding activities, ruminate on stresses we can do nothing about, we donât see friends as frequently, and often unconsciously replace good habits with short-term soothing behaviors that keep us stuck in a rut. Now itâs not actual clinical depression -- filled with more melancholy than a Lana Del Rey breakup -- but our current limitations mimic characteristics of depression, and weâre all feeling the effects. Itâs like having your soul deep fried.
In one way or another many of us are unconsciously hitting the âpauseâ button on the remote, trying to wait this out until âreal lifeâ starts again. Sorry, but we cannot take a mulligan on 2020. We need to be safe and keep others safe but we cannot act like this life is not real life. (Your gym might give you credit for missed months during the pandemic but life wonât.)
So whatâs the best way to proceed, given the current could-not-be-further-from-ideal situation? Itâs called âBehavioral Activation Therapy.â (Yes, the acronym for the solution to our COVID-induced unhappiness is âBAT.â I know what youâre thinking. Donât say it. Bat jokes stopped being cool in April.)
The gist of Behavioral Activation Therapy is we gotta do happy to feel happy. Often, we wait until we feel right to do whatâs right. Nope, BAT says itâs the complete opposite. Instead of our mood changing what we do, we need to change what we do to fix our mood. This may not sound like the âlazyâ way to an awesome life but changing your feelings directly can seem impossible when the world has gone inferno. Altering how we act is easier.
And BAT is legit. In head-to-head studies it matched CBT-style strategies (the most battle-tested system out there) and was even as effective as meds.
From [Behavioral Activation for Depression](
The acute outcomes of patients who received BA were comparable to those who received antidepressant medication, even among more severely depressed patients. Patients assigned to BA tended to stay in treatment longer than those assigned to pharmacotherapy. BA was also superior to CT in the acute treatment of more severely depressed patients. There were no differences among treatments for the less severely depressed patients.
The book weâll be getting the skinny on is [Behavioral Activation for Depression](. Itâs a manual for therapists but itâs solid for us (at least as good as the many texts on ADD I havenât finished).
Maybe youâre not feeling the pandemic pinch as bad as others. Good for you. But BAT isnât just a Hail Mary pass against our COVID-induced pseudo-depression; itâs actually a path to a better life for all of us, all the time.
Letâs get to it...
Think âOutside-Inâ
The first principle of BAT is âThe key to changing how people feel is helping them change what they do.â
From [Behavioral Activation for Depression](
BA is a brief structured treatment for depression that aims to activate clients in specific ways that will increase rewarding experiences in their lives. All of the techniques of BA are used in the service of the fundamental goal of increasing activation and engagement in oneâs world. Toward this end, BA also focuses on processes that inhibit activation, such as escape and avoidance behaviors. BA is based on the premise that problems in vulnerable individualsâ lives reduce their ability to experience positive reward from their environments, leading to the symptoms and behaviors that we classify as depression.
Psychologists like to say that in cognitive therapy âthe head teaches the hands.â You rationally work through your issues to change problematic behaviors. But in BAT, itâs the reverse: the hands teach the head. Engage in the right activities and good feelings will follow. So instead of asking for a new brain for Christmas, we need to think âoutside-in.â
Now the critical peanut gallery will oversimplify this: âOh, heâs just saying you just need to do more fun stuff. Thatâs all.â And theyâre as entitled to their wrong opinion as anyone else. âJust do fun thingsâ is definitely a pithy summary and itâs also fantastically unhelpful. Itâs the equivalent of baseball advice like, âJust take the bat and hit the ball.â Totally true but I wonât be seeing you in the major leagues anytime soon. (Look, I donât write thousands of words here to explain something that could be summarized in a sentence; thatâs what business books are for.) Ever say âWow, that felt good, why donât I do that more often?â or âGod, why do I do this? Iâm always miserable the next day?â Thatâs the issue weâre talking about.
In real clinical depression people feel punished by life, so they do fewer things. This reduces pain but it also reduces the good things that lift us up. Itâs like getting food poisoning so you decide youâll make sure that doesnât happen again by eating nothing at all. Not a good solution. We need positive reinforcement from the things we do. Activities that produce emotional compound interest in life.
The great psychologist Marsha Linehan once said that âemotions love themselves.â They perpetuate themselves. Moods create momentum. Thatâs why we often wait around for good ones to drive us toward positive behavior. Problem is, the current negative mood does just the opposite and then we end up worse off or at least saying, âWhere did the day go?â Waiting for emotions to make things better during COVID is like asking pyromaniacs to put out the fire.
From [Behavioral Activation for Depression](
What often happens for people, however, is that they respond to these primary problems with behaviors that keep them stuck. As an individual stops engaging in activities that were once pleasurable, engages in escape or avoidance behaviors, or responds mostly to behaviors that bring immediate relief from annoyance despite future adverse consequences, such actions become secondary problems in and of themselves⦠Such avoidance provides short-term relief but maintains depression over the long term, both because rewards are not experienced and because stressors in life become worse over time.
As Winston Churchill once said, âHowever beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.â We canât wait until we feel better to act. We need to act now to break the cycle of our feelings. This is how we bootstrap happiness.
(To learn more about how you can lead a successful life, check out my bestselling book [here](
The problem we often run into is picking good behaviors when that rationalization engine we call a brain is consumed with stress. Exercise is good and heroin is bad but in the middle there it can get kinda gray. So whatâs the litmus test?
Let Pleasure And Mastery Guide You
Marie Kondo says the key to tidying up is asking if something sparks joy. Toss what doesnât, keep what does. Marie and I arenât fully on the same page but itâs a good start. So think of me as a much larger Marie Kondo with a much deeper voice. Weâre gonna evaluate our activities by pleasure and mastery.
âPleasureâ is vital but we want the kind that is a life-net-positive and not an emotional payday loan with a 3500% interest rate that leaves you even more stressed than you were yesterday. Weâre looking for that deeper satisfaction we get from truly meaningful, noble activities like relationships, exercise, and reading [Ericâs book](.
And âMasteryâ doesnât just mean painting Picassos or conquering Central Asia. Think of it as a feeling of accomplishment. Yes, cleaning out the garage sucks but afterward you get the satisfaction that you actually achieved something and gained 10 points toward your Adulting merit badge.
Work can be fulfilling but, sadly, many are unemployed right now. But workâs not the only source of mastery. As research by Harvard professor [Teresa Amabile]( has shown, progress in goals that are meaningful to you is incredibly satisfying and motivating, whether it pays the bills or not. (If you want to see coffee come out of my nose, ask me if I write these long blog posts âfor the money.â)
And we need to balance the two. Working hard for a while is good. And all-out leisure time is important too. Research shows the latter promotes coping, and good god we all have some stuff to cope with right now.
From [Behavioral Activation for Depression](
Leisure activities in particular have been shown to lead to well-being in adolescents, adults, and the elderly by increasing coping abilities in the face of life stressors, including daily hassles (Caldwell, 2005).
Short-attention-span-critical-peanut-gallery says: âOkay, Iâll do the stuff that brings pleasure and mastery. Good. Done.â No. Bad. Stop. Go no further. We are often terrible at choosing what makes us feel long-term happy and productive.
Yes, Iâm about to give you homework. Sorry. As you go about your day, rate your activities on a 1 to 10 scale in terms of pleasure or mastery. This isnât hard. Câmon, you know being judgy is fun. Itâs âHot or Notâ for activities. Use the notes app on your smartphone.
Got some rankings? Good. Now do pattern detection. What scores high? (Calling friends?) What scores low? (Reading the news?) What leads to even more good things? (Starting the day right?) What makes everything go to hell in a hurry? (Reading even more news?)
You want to find those naturally reinforcing behaviors that keep you on the right track. And when you have to do stuff you donât love so much, you want to see what aspects you can tweak to make them more pleasurable or more masterful to keep the emotional momentum going.
And ask those around you for insight. As Nobel Prize winner Thomas Schelling once said, âThe one thing a person cannot do, however brilliant they are, is write up a list of things that would never occur to them.â The people around you may know what affects you better than you do because, ummm⦠they often have to deal with the consequences.
Knowing the mistakes you usually make is the pro-est of protips in life. You want to start developing a âRulebook of Youâ that can guide your behavior to happiness and fulfillment.
(To learn the two-word morning ritual that will make you happy all day, click [here](
Knowing what works for you and what doesnât is a game changer. But all positive things are not created equal. You need to know your priorities. And the ratio of pleasure to mastery that works for you. And how to deal with the problem of competing goals...
Know Your Values And Goals
What do you want out of life? Whatâs important to you? If I asked you that 5 minutes ago your mind would go totally blank. But now you have a list with hints. A cheat sheet to your life. Use it.
Values cannot be completed, only routinely honored. Goals, on the other hand, can be achieved. Values are ongoing. (âStaying in shape.â) Goals can be completed. (âGo running today.â) So you want to regularly translate values into goals and occasionally check in with your values to make sure youâre on track. You overcome conflicting goals by prioritizing your values. If friends are more important than rest, you stay up late talking to a friend who is dealing with problems.
Look at your rated list of activities and ask, âWhat are my values and how do I translate them into specific goals?â A lot of this work is probably already done but you want to expand or tweak your goals based on what you now know works for you.
And what makes a good goal? They should be challenging but do-able. Make them specific and measurable. Donât define them by a negative (âwatch less TVâ), instead find replacements. Start small and be realistic. Work from where you are at (jogging one mile), not where you think you âshouldâ be (running a marathon after 4 months of a couch-centric life.)
And focus on the activities and goals that provide that all-powerful positive reinforcement. Am I feeling better about myself long-term after I do this? Am I doing things I will look back on and be proud of? You want things that reward you and make you want to keep doing them.
Yes, like Pavlov. You are now Pavlov. (Note: youâre also Pavlovâs dog.)
(To learn more about how to make friends as an adult, click [here](
Okay, we got the big picture stuff of values and goals down. Now we have to get granular. And we have to obey...
Follow Your Plan, Not Your Mood
We have calendars all backward. We use them to schedule errands, appointments and relatively unimportant stuff while leaving joy and accomplishment subject to fate. Wrong. Schedule whatâs important. Schedule your pleasure and mastery. Yes, happiness lives in your calendar.
Tolstoy once said, âLife consists of penetrating the unknown, and fashioning our actions in accord with the new knowledge thus acquired.â So turn your happy-productivity list and your new goals that embody your values into a schedule.
When we choose in the moment, we often choose badly, especially in moody, stressful times like the COVID now. Remember: emotions love themselves. Donât rely on just âknowingâ what you need to do. Knowing and doing are not next-door neighbors. I don't even think they have each other's email address. So schedule the things that matter. Specific times, specific places, specific durations. The more specific and concrete a goal is, the more likely you are to do it.
From [Behavioral Activation for Depression](
BA therapists encourage people to begin acting from the âoutside-in.â We ask people to experiment with acting according to a goal, as opposed to acting according to a mood. Engaging in activities that once brought pleasure or a sense of accomplishment or that solve problems can improve mood and reduce life stressors over time. A core part of BA is to begin to act, even when mood and motivation are low, rather than waiting for oneâs mood to improve prior to getting engaged. Throughout BA some form of activity structuring and scheduling is used to support acting from the outside-in. These strategies can be accomplished by creating detailed schedules with tasks broken down into components and assigned at specific times and places.
Going forward, note the results of your actions. Keep scoring and revising. Consider your values. With time, expand goals and push the envelope, like raising the weight at the gym. Get the cycle of positive reinforcement working for you.
Some will kneejerk resist scheduling their free time as a threat to their autonomy. That makes about as much sense as Medusa checking her makeup. You came up with the rules. Youâre telling you what to do. Itâs only a threat to unpredictable moods and whims. And you love following rules -- just not consciously. Theyâre called habits. Itâs when your conscious mind gets on its soapbox that this becomes a problem.
Freedom? Thereâs no such thing. As Bob Dylan crooned, âGotta serve somebody.â Better that somebody be your long-term goals than your whims â or, even worse, someone elseâs. Freedom comes from discipline; otherwise you are only free to do what your moods demand. You now know what really works for you. You measured it. Now leverage the lessons learned from your âRulebook of You.â Tell yourself what to do and then do as youâre told.
Donât fight yourself. Outsmart yourself.
(To learn the 4 harsh truths that will make you a better person, click [here](
Okay, weâve covered a lot. Time to round it up and learn how to take this to the next level â the fun and lazy way.
Sum Up
This is the lazy way to an awesome life:
- Think outside-in: Remember âThe key to changing how people feel is helping them change what they do.â
- Let pleasure and mastery guide you: Do the Hardy Boys / Nancy Drew detective work to figure out what scores a 10 for fulfillment and accomplishment and let that be your map.
- Know your values and goals: Honor your values by setting specific goals that provide positive reinforcement. You are Pavlovâs adorable puppy as much as you are Pavlov.
- Follow your plan, not your mood: Tell yourself what to do and then do as youâre told. âKnowing yourselfâ is good; outsmarting yourself is better.
So how do we take this to the next level? By involving the things many of us are currently missing the most: those we care about. Your values should involve others. One of your goals can be helping others. Even if everybody you care about canât be with you physically, they can still be a part of this. Involving others in your quest for a better life is criminally underrated.
In honor of our current enemy, the virus, we should take a lesson from epidemiology. Weâre all eagerly awaiting a vaccine. And when epidemiologists are trying to crush an outbreak, they donât just run around vaccinating randomly.
They create âringsâ of vaccination around those harmed by the pathogen.
From [The Rules of Contagion](
As smallpox was nearing eradication in the 1970s, epidemiologists used âring vaccinationâ to stamp out the final few sparks of infection. When a new disease case appeared, teams would track down people the infected may have come into contact with, such as family members and neighbours, as well as these peopleâs contacts. They would then vaccinate people within this âringâ, preventing the smallpox virus spreading any further.
We protect and support those around us in times of need. And this is how we prevent any pathogen -- virus or unhappiness -- from spreading.
Seek joy and accomplishment in your activities. And build a protective, happy circle of those you love.
***And if you want a daily insight, quote or laugh, you should follow me on Instagram [here](
Email Extras
Findings from around the internet...
+ Want to know how risky flying actually is during the pandemic? Click [here](.
+ Want to know the silly little thing that's making you less productive? Click [here](.
+ Want to know an easy way to reduce anxiety? Click [here](.
+ Miss last week's post? Here you go: [4 Rituals To Keep You Happy All The Time (Pandemic Edition)](.
+ Want to know how your personality will change as you age? Click [here](.
+ You read to the end of the email. Well, that's definitely not lazy. And it's a good activity as far as I'm concerned. I hope it brought you some pleasure and mastery. And I thank you... Of course, now it's Crackerjack time: Since we're thinking big picture about making our lives better, let's get some life advice from a very smart man. On the occasion of his 68th birthday, Kevin Kelly put together 68 pieces of advice he's collected over the years. They're great tips we can all learn from. Check them out [here](.
Thanks for reading!
Eric
PS: If a friend forwarded this to you, you can sign up to get the weekly email yourself [here](.
This email was sent to {EMAIL}
[why did I get this?]( Â Â Â [unsubscribe from this list]( Â Â Â [update subscription preferences](
Bakadesuyo · 8033 Sunset Boulevard, #1073 · Los Angeles, CA 90046 · USA