This is who we are

Also: 3 things Matthew Perry taught us [Donate ❤️]( [View in Browser](  November 5, 2023 Dear Cog reader, In America, we’ve had too much practice with mass shootings. We know how to mourn. The media publish profiles, with photos of the victims. Communities hold candlelight vigils to remember the dead. Politicians and townspeople in [Sandy Hook]( and [Colorado]( and [Uvalde]( proclaim that the shootings are not who we are. It happened again after the horrific shooting that killed 18 people in Lewiston, Maine. Not long after, the state's governor, Janet Mills, spoke about the specialness of Lewiston. “This isn’t us,” she said at a press conference. But Chelsea Conaboy argues that's not true. Conaboy, a longtime journalist and Maine resident herself, [wrote an essay this past week]( about her lack of surprise about the shooting. She writes about the shock in Maine, a rural state whose idyllic stereotypes belie serious social problems: underfunding in mental health care, an increase in “deaths of despair,” the militarization of police departments. She criticizes the detachment of Mills and other leaders like her. “[T]his idea rings hollow, born from willful ignorance or political convenience,” Conaboy writes. “The sad truth is, this is us.” The morning after the shooting, Conaboy and her husband prepared to tell their children why they had to stay home from school. They told them schools were closed. Their oldest, who is 8, guessed what happened right away. “Was it a shooting?” he asked. And no wonder. Our kids have been preparing for school shooters since kindergarten. During the afternoons following lockdown drills in middle school, my son and his friends described in detail how their teachers planned to keep murderers out of their classrooms. Some piled desks and chairs against the classroom door. Once, a teacher told students that if they had a drill during her class, they could crawl out the classroom window, onto the roof. This is us. Mass shootings have so permeated American culture that our collective fear has impeded schools’ attempts to [ban cellphones]( in classrooms. “I want my child to have a chance to say goodbye as they hide from the active shooter,” [wrote one mother]( in a Parents Magazine poll on Facebook. This is us. In 2023, we’ve had far more mass shootings than days in the year. In fact, we might set a [horrific new record]( for the number of mass shootings in a single year. Conaboy argues that we can’t escape this daily horror without first recognizing that this is who we are. But it doesn’t need to be. Thanks for reading, Kathleen Burge Editor [Follow]( Support the news   Must Reads [I'm not surprised it happened here]( Some people are surprised that a mass shooting could happen here in idyllic Maine. But that sort of remove is only possible if you haven’t been paying attention, writes Chelsea Conaboy. Or if you were looking to justify your own inaction. [Read more.]( [I'm not surprised it happened here]( Some people are surprised that a mass shooting could happen here in idyllic Maine. But that sort of remove is only possible if you haven’t been paying attention, writes Chelsea Conaboy. Or if you were looking to justify your own inaction. [Read more.]( [‘The show must go on’: 20 years of life lessons from Queen]( When Paula Moura was a teenager in Brazil, the music of Queen filled her house: the songs reminded our hearts of joy and filled them with courage, she writes. It’s a connection she still carries with her today. [Read more.]( [‘The show must go on’: 20 years of life lessons from Queen]( When Paula Moura was a teenager in Brazil, the music of Queen filled her house: the songs reminded our hearts of joy and filled them with courage, she writes. It’s a connection she still carries with her today. [Read more.]( [What Matthew Perry taught us]( Matthew Perry founded a sober living facility for men. He advocated for those charged with drug-related offenses to receive treatment instead of incarceration. He planned to start a foundation for people seeking help. This legacy, writes Deborah Sosin, teaches us three lessons about leading a sober life. [Read more.]( [What Matthew Perry taught us]( Matthew Perry founded a sober living facility for men. He advocated for those charged with drug-related offenses to receive treatment instead of incarceration. He planned to start a foundation for people seeking help. This legacy, writes Deborah Sosin, teaches us three lessons about leading a sober life. [Read more.]( [Nostalgia is lovely, and a waste of time]( As I age, I find myself looking back less and less often, writes Julie Wittes Schlack. It turns out that nostalgia is a luxury that I neither want nor can afford, not when time is short and the world is on fire. [Read more.]( [Nostalgia is lovely, and a waste of time]( As I age, I find myself looking back less and less often, writes Julie Wittes Schlack. It turns out that nostalgia is a luxury that I neither want nor can afford, not when time is short and the world is on fire. [Read more.]( [Making peace with my nightmares]( For decades, I avoided horror movies, writes Jason Prokowiew. Then, this past year, I watched 34 of them. Freddy, Jason and Michael Myers showed me my home is now a safe space. [Read more.]( [Making peace with my nightmares]( For decades, I avoided horror movies, writes Jason Prokowiew. Then, this past year, I watched 34 of them. Freddy, Jason and Michael Myers showed me my home is now a safe space. [Read more.]( What We're Reading "As an international student, I was never taught the correct response, which is to run, hide, and fight. I did not know this until last night. When I saw how my American peers reacted and how I reacted, the contrast just blows my mind." "[An International Student on Lockdown During the Shooting in Lewiston, Maine]( The New Yorker. "As a Jew, I understand the anger provoked by ignorant and offensive statements about Israel. But, as an American student, I am appalled by the intimidation of my classmates." "[I’m a Harvard student. I’m appalled by the intimidation of my classmates]( The Washington Post. "I had seen this body before: on my mother, my grandmother, my great-grandmother, and an assortment of aunts and great-aunts. It was a physique typically packaged, in my family at least, with short haircuts, a purse full of peppermint candies, and blousy, beaded tops for “dress occasions.” "[Me and My Bosom]( The Atlantic. "It turns out that nostalgia is a luxury that I neither want nor can afford, not when time is short and the world is on fire. " — Julie Wittes Schlack, "[Nostalgia is lovely, and a waste of time]( ICYMI [The future I imagine for my daughter]( Amy Julia Becker was disoriented when her daughter was born with Down syndrome. She couldn’t imagine how things would ever work out. And she felt grief for the baby she thought she'd have, a hypothetical child who had never in fact existed. But slowly love overpowered her fear, and began to reshape her imagination. [Read more.]( [The future I imagine for my daughter]( Amy Julia Becker was disoriented when her daughter was born with Down syndrome. She couldn’t imagine how things would ever work out. And she felt grief for the baby she thought she'd have, a hypothetical child who had never in fact existed. But slowly love overpowered her fear, and began to reshape her imagination. [Read more.]( If you’d like to write for Cognoscenti, send your submission, pasted into your email and not as an attachment, to opinion@wbur.org. Please tell us in one line what the piece is about, and please tell us in one line who you are. 😎 Forward to a friend. They can sign up [here](. 🔎 Explore [WBUR's Field Guide]( stories, events and more. 📣 Give us your feedback: newsletters@wbur.org 📧 Get more WBUR stories sent to your inbox. [Check out all of our newsletter offerings.]( Support the news     Want to change how you receive these emails? Stop getting this newsletter by [updating your preferences.](  I don't want to hear from WBUR anymore. Unsubscribe from all WBUR editorial newsletters [here.](  Interested in learning more about corporate sponsorship? [Click here.]( Copyright © 2023 WBUR-FM, All rights reserved.