“I need more words than I have”

Also: Finding the space to grieve in my parents’ empty house [Donate ❤️]( [View in Browser](  October 15, 2023 Dear Cog reader, Like everyone who makes their living in editorial work, I have measured out my life in words. I’ve been paid by the word. Every time I edit an essay for the pages of Cog, I count the words. And now, thanks to AI, I get a weekly email from Grammarly telling me how many words I’ve written in the past seven days. For people like me, as the author and cartoonist Lynda Barry has explained, “Writing is the thing which gives things form.” In other words, writing isn’t just an expression of our thoughts, it’s how many of us figure out what we think. Writing doesn’t merely communicate ideas, it generates them. This is true for Jay Baruch, even though he earns his living as an emergency physician. In a span of six months, he moved his mother into assisted living and lost his father. After the funeral, Jay and his sister faced the daunting task of cleaning out their parents’ home. Getting rid of truckload after truckload of clutter and keepsakes gave him the space he needed to process his grief. And as part of that process, he wrote about it for us. “Gone are the anger and frustration, the old grievances and petty fights that ultimately pushed [my dad and me] apart,” [he writes in this essay](. “In their place is regret — regret for the visits I didn’t make and the relationship I wanted to have, but couldn’t.” For Jay, distance was an emotional self-defense, and writing about it was a way to close that distance. Judy Bolton-Fasman is trying to close a distance, too. Her piece for us, her 20th for Cog, is about the war in Israel and Gaza, and last weekend’s horrific attacks by Hamas, which targeted civilians and left more than 1,200 dead. “My heart is in the East — a heart flying over oceans and rivers and seas to reach Israel,” she writes, adding that she felt [the weight of Jewish history while writing this week](. “I need more words than I have,” she writes in an essay that became a sort of Mourner’s Kaddish, or prayer of mourning, for her Jewish brothers and sisters. “Jewish history can often feel as if it is on a cursed loop,” she continues. “Grief is a muscle memory for us Jews.” And like the history of the Holy Land itself, grief is incredibly complicated. But as Jay and Judy both show us, we have to resist the urge to look away. We have to face grief head-on. We have to walk through our pain, trudge through others’ suffering. As painful as this week has been for her, Judy is still looking for glimmers of hope. These things demand — and deserve — our attention. Words help us do that. We hope they help you, too. Thank you for reading, Kate Neale Cooper Editor, Cognoscenti [Follow]( Support the news   Must Reads [As I say a prayer of mourning, my heart is in the East]( I want to transform stories of Israelis terrorized into an improvised Mourner’s Kaddish, or prayer of mourning, for my brothers and sisters, writes Judy Bolton-Fasman. [Read more.]( [As I say a prayer of mourning, my heart is in the East]( I want to transform stories of Israelis terrorized into an improvised Mourner’s Kaddish, or prayer of mourning, for my brothers and sisters, writes Judy Bolton-Fasman. [Read more.]( [In my parents’ empty house, I finally found the space to grieve]( After his mother moved to an assisted living facility and his father died, Jay Baruch and his sister faced the daunting task of clearing out and selling their parents’ home. Once the clutter is gone, Baruch writes, so are the anger and frustration. [Read more.]( [In my parents’ empty house, I finally found the space to grieve]( After his mother moved to an assisted living facility and his father died, Jay Baruch and his sister faced the daunting task of clearing out and selling their parents’ home. Once the clutter is gone, Baruch writes, so are the anger and frustration. [Read more.]( [‘It felt like I was holding the sun’: The gift of baby birds]( After years of fertility treatment, Betsy Vereckey started volunteering at a wildlife rehabilitation center, caring for baby songbirds. She found solace in the role, and in unexpectedly becoming a birder. [Read more.]( [‘It felt like I was holding the sun’: The gift of baby birds]( After years of fertility treatment, Betsy Vereckey started volunteering at a wildlife rehabilitation center, caring for baby songbirds. She found solace in the role, and in unexpectedly becoming a birder. [Read more.]( [Mass. isn't immune to the gun violence epidemic. We need new gun control legislation now]( Massachusetts has some of the lowest rates of gun deaths in the country -- but relative success is not cause for complacency, write House Speaker Ron Mariano and state Rep. Michael Day. Newly proposed legislation would update Massachusetts gun laws to address the legal landscape created by a conservative U.S. Supreme Court. [Read more.]( [Mass. isn't immune to the gun violence epidemic. We need new gun control legislation now]( Massachusetts has some of the lowest rates of gun deaths in the country -- but relative success is not cause for complacency, write House Speaker Ron Mariano and state Rep. Michael Day. Newly proposed legislation would update Massachusetts gun laws to address the legal landscape created by a conservative U.S. Supreme Court. [Read more.]( What We're Reading "Sometimes I look at the crowds of people at my shows and feel an emptiness within myself that infuriates me. What do they see that I can’t?" "[Putting Words to My Mental Health Struggles Saved Me]( Time. "When did we decide that engagement with our fellow man was a bug and not a feature of our short and limited lives?" "[What Happened to Empathy?]( The Atlantic. "There’s no such thing as ‘unavoidable.’ This war could have been avoided, and no one did enough to prevent it.” “[I’m Going to War for Israel. Palestinians Are Not My Enemy]( The New York Times. "What surprised me the most was how much taking care of the birds actually felt like motherhood, the avian version. " — Betsy Vereckey, "‘[It felt like I was holding the sun’: The gift of baby birds]( From the Archives [Heavy Meddle: How Do I Move To A New City But Hang Onto My Old Relationships?]( Is there some sort of magic spreadsheet that will do the trick? [Read more.]( [Heavy Meddle: How Do I Move To A New City But Hang Onto My Old Relationships?]( Is there some sort of magic spreadsheet that will do the trick? [Read more.]( If you’d like to write for Cognoscenti, send your submission, pasted into your email and not as an attachment, to opinion@wbur.org. Please tell us in one line what the piece is about, and please tell us in one line who you are. 😎 Forward to a friend. They can sign up [here](. 🔎 Explore [WBUR's Field Guide]( stories, events and more. 📣 Give us your feedback: newsletters@wbur.org 📧 Get more WBUR stories sent to your inbox. [Check out all of our newsletter offerings.]( Support the news     Want to change how you receive these emails? Stop getting this newsletter by [updating your preferences.](  I don't want to hear from WBUR anymore. Unsubscribe from all WBUR editorial newsletters [here.](  Interested in learning more about corporate sponsorship? [Click here.]( Copyright © 2023 WBUR-FM, All rights reserved.