The joy and ambivalence of motherhood

Also: Kate Baer has always been a writer [View in browser](    [❤️]( May 14, 2023 Dear Cog reader, Mother’s Day comes with lots of feelings. For some, the day is defined by the uncomplicated joy of being delivered a doughnut in bed. Others are [mourning the loss]( of their mother, or the [absence of meaningful relationship]( or the [anxiety and worry]( can accompany so much of parenthood. Just like there’s no one right way to be a mom, there’s also no one right way to mark the “official” day dedicated to honoring the role mothers play. We’ve been thinking a lot about motherhood this week. In addition to several pieces on the topic (see below), on Wednesday evening, we welcomed to WBUR CitySpace four authors (and Cog contributors) who also happen to be moms — [Sara Petersen]( [Angela Garbes]( [Chelsea Conaboy]( and [Kate Baer]( — along with comedian [Bethany Van Delft]( who's won Boston Magazine's best comedian two years running. We had a fascinating conversation about how science and capitalism and history and politics have collided to create our societal “ideal” of motherhood — and also how that ideal can, and is, starting to change. (We also talked about the power of comfortable footwear, but that’s another story.) We’ve heard from dozens of people since the event, thanking us for convening a conversation in which mothers could be real about their experiences. I think it’s safe to say they felt heard. I also had the chance to interview Kate, the three-time New York Times best-selling poet, for a piece that aired before the event. We talked about her [life as an author and a mom]( and why she takes a walk every evening. It can be nerve-wracking to talk to big-name authors (especially those you admire) but she was lovely and very funny. A dear friend gave me Kate’s first book, “What Kind of Woman” in the throes of the pandemic, when I was working full-tilt and trying to take care of three little kids (and occasionally feeling like I might come apart at the seams). I love being a mom, but I’ve long felt that — intermingled amongst all the joy I derive from motherhood — there is a durable ambivalence about what being “Mom” actually means for my body, my relationships and how I get to spend my time. Kate’s work speaks directly to that reality. And on Wednesday night, there was something affirming about being in the company of others who aren’t ashamed to feel the same way. As for me this weekend? I’m angling for a little alone time and a family bike ride. I bet I’ll get a pile of homemade cards and waffles for breakfast, too. I’ll take it. Enjoy the weekend, Cloe Axelson Senior Editor, Cognoscenti [Follow]( Support the news   Must Reads [I see you, Black mothers. Mother's Day is complicated for me, too]( Ivy Alphonse-Crean writes that the holiday makes her stomach lurch, knowing that “mother” holds so much joy, but also, deep worry and pain. [Read more.]( [I see you, Black mothers. Mother's Day is complicated for me, too]( Ivy Alphonse-Crean writes that the holiday makes her stomach lurch, knowing that “mother” holds so much joy, but also, deep worry and pain. [Read more.]( [The love letter my mother never sent me]( A while back, Henriette Lazaridis listened to her mother read a letter she'd written, but never sent, decades ago. Lazaridis wonders how their relationship might have changed, if she'd seen the letter on the cusp of adulthood. [Read more.]( [The love letter my mother never sent me]( A while back, Henriette Lazaridis listened to her mother read a letter she'd written, but never sent, decades ago. Lazaridis wonders how their relationship might have changed, if she'd seen the letter on the cusp of adulthood. [Read more.]( [Kate Baer has always been a writer]( When Kate Baer got pregnant, unexpectedly, with her fourth child, something shifted. “I had this decision to make,” explains the best-selling author. “Am I going to drown -- lose my life -- or am I going to completely change everything?” [Read more.]( [Kate Baer has always been a writer]( When Kate Baer got pregnant, unexpectedly, with her fourth child, something shifted. “I had this decision to make,” explains the best-selling author. “Am I going to drown -- lose my life -- or am I going to completely change everything?” [Read more.]( [Hope is its own form of healing]( My son received a death sentence as a toddler, writes Jennifer Handt — a diagnosis of Duchenne muscular dystrophy. A new gene therapy offers hope, if she can get the FDA to listen. [Read more.]( [Hope is its own form of healing]( My son received a death sentence as a toddler, writes Jennifer Handt — a diagnosis of Duchenne muscular dystrophy. A new gene therapy offers hope, if she can get the FDA to listen. [Read more.]( [I love my dog with all my heart. Sort of]( Getting a puppy, when you already have a houseful of kids, means voluntarily agreeing to more caretaking, more disciplining, more cleaning, writes Sara Petersen. If only it were as simple as adding an adorable furball to the mix. [Read more.]( [I love my dog with all my heart. Sort of]( Getting a puppy, when you already have a houseful of kids, means voluntarily agreeing to more caretaking, more disciplining, more cleaning, writes Sara Petersen. If only it were as simple as adding an adorable furball to the mix. [Read more.]( What We're Reading "If the pandemic taught us anything, it’s that the most advanced technology in the world is no match for the suspicions of the fearful or the skepticism of the misinformed." [America Is Forgetting the Lessons of the Covid Health Emergency]( The New York Times. "In the weeks that followed, every day — and sometimes twice a day — Kim and Felix went back to the cemetery to be with Lexi. ... Because they didn’t like the idea of Lexi having to be by herself in the cemetery at night, alone in the darkness, they strung solar-powered LED fairy lights around her grave that automatically switched on after the sun set." [Amor Eterno]( Texas Monthly. "King’s harshest and most famous criticism of Malcolm X, in which he accused his fellow civil rights leader of 'fiery, demagogic oratory,' appears to have been fabricated." "[MLK’s famous criticism of Malcolm X was a ‘fraud,’ author finds]( The Washington Post. "Am I going to drown — lose my life — or am I going to completely change everything?" — Kate Baer, "[Kate Baer has always been a writer]( ICYMI [When my mother died at 58, aging became uncharted territory]( I think it’s common for those who live longer than a parent to look at aging as a long, dark tunnel, writes Deborah Norkin. The destination is certain; the journey is not. [Read more.]( [When my mother died at 58, aging became uncharted territory]( I think it’s common for those who live longer than a parent to look at aging as a long, dark tunnel, writes Deborah Norkin. The destination is certain; the journey is not. [Read more.]( If you’d like to write for Cognoscenti, send your submission, pasted into your email and not as an attachment, to opinion@wbur.org. Please tell us in one line what the piece is about, and please tell us in one line who you are. 😎 Forward to a friend. They can sign up [here](. 📣 Give us your feedback: newsletters@wbur.org 📧 Get more WBUR stories sent to your inbox. [Check out all of our newsletter offerings.]( Support the news     Want to change how you receive these emails? Stop getting this newsletter by [updating your preferences.](  I don't want to hear from WBUR anymore. 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