Your wedding guest questions, answered

Bachelor parties, bridesmaid dresses, and how to decline an invite politely. For the longest time, I was pretty unbothered about “wedding season.” While my friends back home were spending thousands of dollars from April to October attending other people’s nuptials, I was hanging out with my New York friends, most of whom were single and spent Saturday nights in dive bars and clubs instead of rustic-but-tasteful barns in rural Vermont. Then I woke up, looked around, and realized I’m 30 now and about half of the people I know, including myself, are in serious, probably-going-to-get-engaged-soon relationships and that “wedding season” will likely mean something a lot different (read: significantly more expensive) in the years 2024 and 2025. Thankfully, writer [Gyan Yankovich answered all the questions]( that come up when you feel like you’re drowning in a sea of invitations, including the ever-tricky “how to say no.” Mostly, though, I appreciated her section on having empathy for the couple: “Pause and think about the wedding from the couples’ point of view before you find yourself feeling resentful over needing to make a hard decision. Weddings, at their heart, are a celebration, a coming together of a community, and for many, a cultural tradition. Doughnut walls, expensive venues, and signature cocktails aside, there are many reasons that these events mean a lot to people.” —[Rebecca Jennings](, senior correspondent   Going to weddings can be expensive. Here’s how to protect your budget — and energy. [illustration of bride alongside friend, with multiple women tumbling over her very long veil looking through blinds at trash]( Paige Vickers for Vox On the first weekend of October, I attended my eighth wedding of the year. Of these eight weddings, one involved an international flight, two took place in-state, and the rest — bar one — required an overnight stay in another city. As my own Instagram became flooded with confetti-drenched couples, bouquets, and champagne flutes, I soon noticed I wasn’t the only person who seemed to be spending every other weekend at a wedding. According to The Knot, the US is in the middle of a big wedding boom, with data indicating that around 2.6 million weddings were planned for 2022, up from the 2.2 million average of pre-pandemic years. This research also found that 75 percent of couples who got engaged in 2021 set a wedding date for 2022. “What’s happening right now is the impact of Covid,” says therapist Landis Bejar, founder and director of wedding counseling service AisleTalk in New York City. “Guests have been inundated with all these invitations for weddings that have been postponed, events that were already on the calendar, and for new engagements that happened during the pandemic. We’re really getting bombarded.” What’s tricky about this year in particular is that this boom of weddings and the events that surround them — bridal showers, bachelor and bachelorette weekends, welcome drinks, post-wedding brunches — is that they’re also coming at a point when our time, energy, and money are more precious than ever. “Between inflation and the impact Covid had on our bank accounts, a lot of people are suffering financially,” says Bejar. “It’s not personal and it’s not a secret. There’s a systemic phenomenon happening right now [where we can’t say yes to as many things as we want to](, either from a financial perspective or because of the logistics of traveling and being in a large group.” Beyond the potential health risks of socializing, many people are finding they don’t have the physical or emotional energy they once did, which means spending multiple days celebrating can be taxing in a number of ways. But what’s a guest to do? Even without the implications of the pandemic and economy, weddings come with their own set of complex emotions and expectations. According to Elaine Swann, etiquette expert and founder of The Swann School of Protocol, you’re entitled to more autonomy than you likely assumed. “I don’t feel anyone should be obligated to attend something that they just don’t want to go to,” says Swann. “Any time you don’t want to attend something, don’t. That’s it.” Thankfully, it’s possible to protect your time and money during a packed wedding season without fracturing any friendships in the process — you just need to tread carefully. [Read the full story »]( [Learn more about RevenueStripe...](   Networking is a necessary — and misunderstood — skill. Here’s how to hone it. Networking gets a bad rap, but it doesn’t have to be overly scary, shallow, or corporate. [Read the full story »](   Support our journalism We aim to explain what we buy, why we buy it, and why it matters. Support our mission by making a gift today. [Yes, I'll make a gift](   Everybody wants to be a LinkedInfluencer And the biggest power users are turning to ghostwriters. 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