How to live an all-around better life

Vox Conversations on activism, work success, boundaries, and financial planning. I can’t count how many times I’ve set out to live a better life, thinking that today would finally be the day that everything would come together, only to crumble at actually setting out on such a journey. For those trying to make a real change in their lives, you know how it goes — you sift through a sea of search results and self-help content, hoping something will spark, but ultimately close out your tabs feeling more confused than you were before. Information overload sucks, but it can be helpful to hear from an expert who feels more approachable and less clinical — someone who feels like a friend. That sentiment is at the core of what Vox is trying to do with [Even Better, our new section dedicated to helping people live better lives](. It’s also what Julia Furlan had in mind when she sat down with experts on [Vox Conversations]( to talk about the ins and outs of [activism](, defining [success at work](, [setting boundaries](, and [financial planning](. What’s interesting is that all these topics overlap: How we live out our values, measure our victories, protect our energy, and set goals are pillars of a happy life, and we all have the ability to work bit by bit to get there. [As Nedra Glover Tawwab told Furlan,]( “It’s never too late to set a boundary. I think we really program ourselves to think like, oh, it’s too late. The moment has passed … But now I am recognizing that this is an issue for me.” The same applies to the lives we want to live. It’s never too late to change. —[Melinda Fakuade]( associate editor of culture & features   Setting boundaries is more than just saying “no” [illustration of person drawing a circle around their body with a crayon]( Getty Images/iStockphoto Your parents may have taught you that “no” is a complete sentence, but actually saying it — or setting a boundary in general — can be tricky. Sometimes, you feel uncomfortable setting the boundary; sometimes, the other person hates it and has a strong reaction. But the fact remains that in your romantic relationships, at work, in your family, and in friendships, you’re going to have to set some boundaries one way or another. Boundaries are a way to value yourself, and they don’t have to be scary. Or at least, that’s what our guest today, Nedra Glover Tawwab, writes about in her new book, [Set Boundaries, Find Peace](. Nedra is a therapist, bestselling author, and relationship expert. We talk about what boundaries are, why they’re so important, and I get some strategies for setting and keeping boundaries even when other people in my life don’t seem to want me to. This conversation has been edited for length and clarity. As always, there’s much more in the full podcast, so listen and follow Vox Conversations on [Apple Podcasts](, [Google Podcasts](, [Spotify](, [Stitcher](, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Julia Furlan I want to start with a question that you use to open your book, which is basically, what even is a boundary? Nedra Glover Tawwab Boundaries are statements that make you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships. Sometimes it is behaviors that make you feel safe and comfortable. A woman asked me today on Instagram: “How can I set boundaries with my drinking socially?” So that is a behavior. How do you drink less socially? Sometimes it can be my mother-in-law keeps popping up at my house and you may need to say something to your mother-in-law. So it works in both ways. Before writing this book, and for many years, I thought of boundaries as saying no or cutting people off. I have learned that it’s a lot of gray areas. It’s all of these situations that we feel very uncomfortable about in our relationship, it is bigger than “no,” it is bigger than just cutting people off. Boundaries preserve relationships. Cutting someone off is like the ultimate boundary, right? There are 1,000 other boundaries we can set before cutting people off. Julia Furlan Right. Sometimes people think that it’s, as we say in Portuguese, oito oitenta — all or nothing. But, in fact, there is a lot of flexibility. There’s a lot of space that you can give both yourself and the other person when you’re putting in a boundary. One experience that I’ve had is that if the other person has fewer boundaries or doesn’t really live their life with a lot of boundaries in a particular area, there is resentment. Nedra Glover Tawwab Yeah, I think in general, we feel best when people do as we do. You don’t answer emails on vacation. It’s now problematic because it is different from what I choose to do. So it’s really important to acknowledge that boundaries are preferences. It’s not a rule. It’s not a fact. It is just what we choose to do. I choose not to work after 7:00 pm. It is a preference for me because this is what makes me feel comfortable. There are tons of people who love working in the evenings. It makes them feel fulfilled. Keep doing it, if that’s what you like. I’m saying, I don’t like it. And it’s okay for me to think differently about this thing. And it doesn’t mean that I’m lazy because I’m not doing things like you. It doesn’t mean that I’m inefficient. It just means that my time is my time. [Read the full story »]( [Learn more about RevenueStripe...](   How to define success on your own terms Minda Harts and Julia Furlan discuss equity and demanding space for yourself in the workplace. [Read the full story »](   New to activism? Here's where to start. A conversation with Brea Baker on starting small and getting involved. [Read the full story »](   More good stuff to read today - [What if your financial future wasn't stressful?]( - [You can ignore Andrew Tate]( - [So you want to end a friendship. Here's what to consider.]( - [What Nathan Fielder’s The Rehearsal says about us]( - [Let’s talk about House of the Dragon’s brutal childbirth scene]( - [Biden’s big new student loan forgiveness plan, explained]( [Learn more about RevenueStripe...]( Manage your [email preferences]( or [unsubscribe](param=goods). If you value Vox’s unique explanatory journalism, support our work with a one-time or recurring [contribution](. View our [Privacy Policy]( and our [Terms of Service](. Vox Media, 1201 Connecticut Ave. NW, Floor 12, Washington, DC 20036. Copyright © 2022. All rights reserved.