The most famous local jingle in America

I have wanted to write about the personal injury attorneys Cellino & Barnes — their infamous jingle, their terrible friendship — for as long as I can remember. Which is to say, since [last September](, when I was walking home from a boring media party (lightly buzzed, very grumpy) and ended up waiting several minutes to cross Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn, looking up at a billboard of their giant faces. This blew my mind. When I was a child in Rochester, New York, Cellino & Barnes were Rochester famous, and now they are New York City famous? They’re just generic-looking men peddling law services that most people are unlikely to need, yet, they’re so rich and everyone knows who they are? Obviously, it’s all because of an obnoxious radio and cable TV jingle! It took nearly one year but I finally got to write this story, with the help of western New York jingle king Ken Kaufman, and now I’m at peace. —[K]([aitlyn Tiffany](, reporter for The Goods The story behind the best-known local jingle in America [Cellino & Barnes, one man with hair and another one who is bald]( Cellino & Barnes/YouTube For me, childhood is a blur. But it has an extremely memorable soundtrack. I can still hear the unshakable and baffling sung-through invitations: [“Make your car a kidney car!”]( [“Seabreeze, come get your summer!]( ” The promises: [“The sweetest dreams happen on a City Mattress.”]( Most [importantly](, the legends: “There’s a place I know in Ontario where the sea lions kiss, so the story goes!” My coworkers, who have widely varying geographical heritages, can sing to me about [Stanley Steamer](, [Empire carpets](, [Kars4Kids](, and assorted boring back-of-phonebook services. When I pose my theory of the local jingle — that repetition creates nostalgia; that jingles call us back to a time in our lives when we were powerless to make our own consumer choices; that nobody knows their best friend’s number but everybody can phone a used car dealership in their hometown; that this is sinister but comforting, incorporating the absurdity of advertising and the myth of community — to legendary western New York jingle writer [Ken Kaufman](, he tells me I’ve only discovered what the Catholic Church figured out hundreds of years ago. “I mean, people hear these hymns from when they’re in vitro up through when they’re rolling on their backs.” [Read the full story on Vox ]( Wellness has come for your pets The $636 million pet supplement industry is fueled by the greatest suckers of all: millennial dog owners, like me. [Read the story here ]( The Rock ’n Play was recalled after it was linked to 32 infant deaths. It’s still used at some day cares. The situation shows how recalls don’t always work as intended. [Read the story here ]( More good stuff to read today - [How to be more frugal (without seeming like a cheapskate)]( - [The Equinox and SoulCycle boycotts, explained]( - [FedEx won’t deliver Amazon packages in the US anymore]( - [7 questions about hot girl summer you were too embarrassed to ask]( - [Why do people call them "tennis shoes"?]( - [The best $14 I ever spent: a wipes warmer when I had postpartum depression]( Manage your [email preferences](, or [unsubscribe]( to stop receiving emails from Vox Media. Vox Media, 1201 Connecticut Ave. NW, Washington, DC 20036. Copyright © 2018. All rights reserved.