If you want to belong, find a third place

Your neighborhood watering hole is more important than you think. vox.com/culture CULTURE   You may have heard that we’re in the middle of a loneliness epidemic. Even before the pandemic, studies found that Americans were experiencing measurable levels of isolation and forming individualized habits that facilitated this feeling. However, while we tend to retreat into ourselves, the best way to feel a part of a community is simpler than you might think: go somewhere, hang out, repeat. As [my colleague Allie Volpe argues](, finding a third place — as in, a communal setting outside of your home and workplace — and spending time there regularly can help combat feelings of remoteness and offer a sense of belonging. Rather than going to a cafe or park on the hunt for an immediate BFF, make visiting a part of your weekly routine. You'll make casual acquaintances over time and potentially lay the groundwork for close friendship. Public communal spaces may have grown scarcer, but the ones we still have may be the key to fostering the relationships we all want and need. —[Kyndall Cunningham,]( culture reporter If you want to belong, find a third place [illustration of a dark room looking out to a bright sunny scene outside the window]( Franco Zacha for Vox Meng Liu spent years ping-ponging around the world looking for community. It was her dream to live in New York City, but after she found it difficult to make friends, Liu moved to Los Angeles, where she faced similar social roadblocks. Loneliness followed her across the globe to Shanghai, where [she again chased a sense of belonging that never came](. Thinking back on a comment a friend had made years ago, Liu had an epiphany. “Belonging isn’t some magical place that you can find in your next destination,” she recalled the friend saying. “It is where you feel most connected with the people around you, and that you have people who love you and that you love.” So Liu decided to give New York a second chance. She moved back in 2019 and made a commitment to fostering relationships. Inspired by her own difficulty making friends and the country’s epidemic of loneliness, in 2022 she founded a social club, Wowza Hangout, that brings people together around shared interests and activities. Wowza Hangout has hosted gatherings where people ranging in age from early 20s to late 50s play games, watch movies, sing karaoke, and picnic. All events are free, though Wowza Hangout is experimenting with a subscription model ($14.99 a month for unlimited hangouts, as opposed to monthly organized get-togethers). A crucial component of these hangouts are their settings: board game cafés, bars, museums, parks. They’re venues that populate a vibrant city like New York, but where attendees might feel awkward approaching someone they don’t know. Wowza Hangout not only provides the location but gives people permission to transform each of these physical spaces into a hub for connection — in other words, a third place. First defined [by sociologist Ray Oldenburg in his 1989 book]( The Great Good Place, third places are settings a person frequents beyond their home (the first place) and work (the second place). Third places can include more traditional settings like places of worship, community and recreation centers, parks, and social clubs, but also encompass bars, gyms, malls, makeshift clubhouses in neighborhoods, and even virtual settings like Nextdoor. As Oldenburg described them, third places are great equalizers, spots where regulars of different backgrounds and perspectives can mingle in a location that is comfortable, unpretentious, and low-cost. [Read the full story »]( Eurovision is supposed to be fun and silly. This year is different. Eurovision doesn’t want to be about Israel-Palestine, but amid protests and boycotts, it might not have a choice. [Read the full story »]( Drake and Kendrick Lamar don’t care about misogyny The rappers accused one another of abusing women, but weaponizing Me Too isn’t the same as standing up for women. [Read the full story »](   Support our work We aim to explain what we buy, why we buy it, and why it matters. Support our mission by making a gift today. 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