Lemonade Wisdom 🍋 All Hands on Deck

...and the predictable cycles As I work with an incredible team of people to ensure that Piqui’s Law passes here in California, I am left with “feeling déjà vu.” Why does “this feeling," feel so familiar, I have wondered a time or two? It’s more than just being in overdrive, it’s a different type of fuel in my tank. Then, it dawned on me. It’s similar to how I felt when the energy would kick in during my own child custody battle. That feeling I would get before a big hearing or while I was in the final stretch of trial preparation. It’s the feeling you get when you are doing what nature intended for you to do: protecting children. In this case, it's protecting the children in the state of California. You probably know the feeling very well and it is cyclical in nature: - Hopelessness: You struggle to put one foot in front of the other and question whether it’s pointless to even try (given what you know about the system). - Energy Infusion: Reminiscent of studying for midterms or finals, something comes over you and you click into gear. You have to put your head on your pillow, knowing you’ve done everything you can to protect your child(ren). - The Reality: Radical acceptance that you are walking into the unknown, that there are very few things in your control. You think of your children again…and give it your all. - The aftermath: Exhaustion like you’ve never experienced. It lasts for days, sometimes weeks. You are bone-tired, withered and weary. - Recovery: Finding your oxygen mask, getting centered and refilling your tank. - Cycle repeat. Reflecting back on this time of my life, it is inhumane and if you relate to any portions of this cycle, you aren’t alone...and I am so sorry. I remember that it would take me a full week to form coherent sentences after court and at least a month before I felt any sense of normalcy. And what is “normal” when you are in this battle – you wonder if he will ever feel normal again? There are constant curveballs, plot twists and the abuse is relentless. On the day I received my family court case number, I received my own personal terrorist. We find ourselves living in survival mode, and fight or flight becomes our new normal. I am perplexed when people ask, “how did you do it?” I wasn’t given a choice, and my guess is, neither were you. When someone finally gets reprieve from family court due to protection orders (rare) or, their children age out of the system…they don’t look back. I don’t blame them. For whatever reason, that was not my journey – I couldn’t walk away. I was driven by the injustice happening to women and children across the country. I dug my heels in and 14 years later, I am nearing the end of my advocacy journey and we are at a tipping point. This isn’t a crisis happening in California or in Colorado (which recently passed Kayden’s Law), these are human rights violations happening worldwide. I am determined to see this law passed in California because children’s lives are dependent on it. Here’s what I know: nothing is going to change until we all link arms. We must all get involved and advocate for change. That will look different for everyone and that’s perfectly fine because we each bring something unique to the equation. Some will need to work behind the scenes because it’s not safe for them to be public, and others will take a more public stance. Some may be gifted in connecting with people on social media, and others may have political aspirations. One person may decide to become a therapist to tackle these issues from the inside, and another may volunteer to answer phones at the local suicide hotline. For many, it may simply be sharing a recent media article on the horrors of family court. Our collective light on this crisis is needed. There is no room for infighting, or egos. We have to march forward in solidarity. Whatever path you take, please link arms with the woman next to you and support each other. If you don’t know where to start, start by joining [www.nationalsafeparents.org]( and find out what legislative efforts are underway in your state. It is not just our children dependent on us to make changes, it is our grandchildren and great grandchildren. The system isn’t going to fix itself, and it’s a waste of time to point fingers and place blame; we don’t have time for this. Radical acceptance: the system is broken and it was designed this way. Now, I ask: what are we (you) going to do about it? Regardless of where you are in the world, but especially if you are in California, I ask you to join us in our current advocacy efforts. The current legislative session ends on September 15, the clock is ticking and we are so close to passing Piqui’s Law (Rubio) SB331. In this final push, there will be a vote on the Assembly floor and then a vote on the Senate floor. This will all take place between September 11 and September 15. When I say it’s crunch time, it’s crunch time. From there, it goes to the Governor’s desk. Whether you like California or not, much of what happens here in this state spreads across the country. Reunification camps have infiltrated our state, we are currently the hotspot for this nefarious activity. Many of the “professionals” running these camps have dual licensure in other states. Many of them are already practicing in other states. On the other hand, if we are able to successfully pass this legislation and ban reunification camps, that will also trickle out across the country. Danielle Pollack and Professor Joan Meier of the [National Family Violence Law Center]( (along with many others) paved a legislative super highway of family court reform by passing Kayden’s Law at the federal level. The recent media coverage on the family court system further amplifies this crisis, as I said: we are at a tipping point and #familycourt is trending. This will go down in history as one of the biggest scandals of our lifetime. CALL TO ACTION: We need phone calls and emails to flood our Assemblymembers and Senators – even if you are not in California, we ask that you tell them: the whole world is watching. 5 + 5 = 10 x the OMB Community = CHANGE If each person reading this message commits to emailing five assembly members and five senators, we will have a tremendous impact on California’s legislative efforts. We have a goal of 50,000 emails and phone calls in the next seven days (we collected over 2000 letters of support in 48 hours so this is an easily obtainable goal). California Resident Script: “My name is __________ I live in_________, CA. My zip code is _______. I am calling to ask Assemblymember/Senator ____________ to vote ‘yes’ on Piqui’s Law (Rubio-SB331). This bill will save lives by ensuring judges are able to train on critical topics. It also bans reunification camps and programs, which are deeply traumatizing for children. Thank you.” Worldwide Script: My name is __________________and I am calling from (City/State or Country). I am calling to ask Assemblymember/Senator ____________ to vote ‘yes’ on Piqui’s Law (Rubio-SB331). California has become the epicenter for barbaric reunification camps and Piqui’s Law will ban them. The whole world is currently watching California. Thank you.” Here are the Assemblymembers and their email addresses – start at the bottom, start at the top or grab five randomly: Addis: assemblymember.addis@assembly.ca.gov Aguiar-Curry: assemblymember.aguiar-curry@assembly.ca.gov Alvarez: assemblymember.alvarez@assembly.ca.gov Arambula: assemblymember.arambula@assembly.ca.gov Bauer-Kahan: assemblymember.bauer-kahan@assembly.ca.gov Bennett: assemblymember.berman@assembly.ca.gov Berman: assemblymember.berman@assembly.ca.gov Boerner: assemblymember.horvath@assembly.ca.gov Bonta: assemblymember.bonta@assembly.ca.gov Carillo: assemblymember.carrillo@assembly.ca.gov Cervantes: assemblymember.cervantes@assembly.ca.gov Chen: assemblymember.chen@assembly.ca.gov Connolly: assemblymember.connolly@assembly.ca.gov Davies: assemblymember.davies@assembly.ca.gov Flora: assemblymember.flora@assembly.ca.gov Fong: assemblymember.vince@assembly.ca.gov Friedman: assemblymember.friedman@assembly.ca.gov Gabriel: assemblymember.gabriel@assembly.ca.gov Gallagher: assemblymember.gallagher@assembly.ca.gov Garcia: assemblymember.garcia@assembly.ca.gov Grayson: assemblymember.grayson@assembly.ca.gov Haney: assemblymember.haney@assembly.ca.gov Irwin: assemblymember.irwin@assembly.ca.gov Jackson: assemblymember.jackson@assembly.ca.gov Jones-Sawyer: assemblymember.jones-sawyer@assembly.ca.gov Kalra: assemblymember.kalra@assembly.ca.gov Lee: assemblymember.lee@assembly.ca.gov Low: assemblymember.low@assembly.ca.gov Maienschein: assemblymember.maienschein@assembly.ca.gov McKinnor: assemblymember.mckinnor@assembly.ca.gov Muratsuchi: assemblymember.mckinnor@assembly.ca.gov Nguyen: assemblymember.nguyen@assembly.ca.gov Ortega: assemblymember.nguyen@assembly.ca.gov Pacheco: assemblymember.pacheco@assembly.ca.gov Patterson (Joe): assemblymember.patterson@assembly.ca.gov Patterson (Jim): assemblymember.patterson@assembly.ca.gov Petrie-Norris: assemblymember.quirk-silva@assembly.ca.gov Quirk-Silva: assemblymember.quirk-silva@assembly.ca.gov Ramos: assemblymember.ramos@assembly.ca.gov Rendon: assemblymember.rendon@assembly.ca.gov Reyes: assemblymember.rivas@assembly.ca.gov Rivas: assemblymember.rivas@assembly.ca.gov Rivas: assemblymember.rivas@assembly.ca.gov Rodriguez: assemblymember.rodriguez@assembly.ca.gov Santiago: assemblymember.santiago@assembly.ca.gov Schiavo: assemblymember.schiavo@assembly.ca.gov Ta: assemblymember.ta@assembly.ca.gov Ting: assemblymember.ting@assembly.ca.gov Valencia: assemblymember.avelino@assembly.ca.gov Villapudua: assemblymember.carlos@assembly.ca.gov Waldron: assemblymember.waldron@assembly.ca.gov Wallis: assemblymember.wallis@assembly.ca.gov Ward: assemblymember.ward@assembly.ca.gov Wicks: assemblymember.wicks@assembly.ca.gov Wood: assemblymember.wicks@assembly.ca.gov Zbur: assemblymember.zbur@assembly.ca.gov Here are the Senators and their email addresses – start at the bottom, start at the top or grab five randomly: Allen: senator.allen@senate.ca.gov Alvarado-Gil: senator.alvarado-gil@senate.ca.gov Archuleta: senator.archuleta@senate.ca.gov Ashby: senator.ashby@senate.ca.gov Atkins: senator.atkins@senate.ca.gov Becker: senator.becker@senate.ca.gov Blakespear: senator.blakespear@senate.ca.gov Bradford: senator.bradford@senate.ca.gov Cortese: senator.cortese@senate.ca.gov Dahle: senator.dahle@senate.ca.gov Dodd: senator.dodd@senate.ca.gov Durazo: senator.durazo@senate.ca.gov Talamantes Eggman: senator.eggman@senate.ca.gov Glazer: senator.glazer@senate.ca.gov Gonzalez: senator.gonzalez@senate.ca.gov Grove: senator.grove@senate.ca.gov Hurtado: senator.hurtado@senate.ca.gov Jones: senator.jones@senate.ca.gov Laird: senator.laird@senate.ca.gov Limón: senator.limon@senate.ca.gov McGuire: senator.mcguire@senate.ca.gov Menjivar: senator.menjivar@senate.ca.gov Newman: senator.newman@senate.ca.gov Nguyen: senator.nguyen@senate.ca.gov Niello: Senator.Niello@senate.ca.gov Ochoa Bogh: senator.bogh@senate.ca.gov Padilla: senator.padilla@senate.ca.gov Seyarto: senator.seyarto@senate.ca.gov Skinner: senator.skinner@senate.ca.gov Smallwood-Cuevas: senator.smallwood-cuevas@senate.ca.gov Stern: senator.stern@senate.ca.gov Umberg: senator.umberg@senate.ca.gov Wahab: senator.wahab@senate.ca.gov Wiener: senator.wiener@senate.ca.gov Wilk: senator.wilk@senate.ca.gov Thank you for your help, if you don't mind dropping me a line and letting me know who you emailed and what city and state you are in, I would be grateful. Sending love and light, Tina Are you struggling to understand how to properly communicate with a narcissist (or high-conflict individual) during your child custody battle? Communication during a child custody battle with a narcissist, and more specifically, strategic communication, plays a huge role in the outcome (positive or negative) of family court cases. The reality is, most people play right into the narcissist’s trap and wind up looking like they are part of the conflict. In this course, we will discuss the following: - The Reality of Family Court (Radical Acceptance: they don’t know either of you) - Understanding Narcissistic Communication - Gray Rock vs Yellow Rock Communication - What is “The Yellow Rock Mentality?” - Decoding the Narcissist’s Communication - Strategic Communication for the Win Having a strategic mindset and removing emotions is a tall but crucial step to painting a picture of who the narcissist is — and who you are as a person and, as a parent. Link: [( At the High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program, we do not subscribe to the belief that there is always purpose to be found in pain - sometimes there are tragedies that stand alone as unexplainable and horrific. Outside of this category, there are those of us who have been through the family court system and want to ensure that our experiences were not in vain. We seek purpose and are driven to give others a hand up. We strive to be the person we so desperately needed during the darkest moments of our own journeys. It has also been refreshing to walk alongside and mentor professionals who currently work in the family court system or, in the field of mental health. I have the utmost respect for those who recognize that their formal training lacked critical information, hindering them from properly serving their clients. Over the past few years, we have welcomed family law attorneys, guardian ad litem's, paralegals, mediators, social workers, LMFTs and psychologists. One of the testimonials we received from our January cohort was from a family law attorney who said: "As a family law attorney, I thought I knew how to help clients. This course brought me to a whole different level of being able to help people." A.M. (California) This is what another recent graduate had to say about our program: "Everything about this course was excellent. The format was easily accessible to various brain styles (video, text, live calls, and inter-class communications). The actual content was so thoughtfully curated; every single lesson was readily applicable and there was absolutely no fluff. And then having the opportunity to coach a real client was invaluable. If you take the course you will be prepared to be a divorce coach of the highest professional and ethical caliber, and you will be connected with inspiring people working alongside you. It is not something you can “wing.” The effort and time is 1000% worth it." -Jamie Clarisse Apply today at [hcdivorcecoach.com/apply]( and join us for January session! [Click here to learn ALL about becoming a High Conflict Divorce Coach.]( If you resonate with any of the following statements, you would be helped by having a divorce coach on your team: - I am new to divorcing a narcissist (or high conflict individual) and I don’t want to make mistakes. - I am struggling with radical acceptance and/or managing my expectations. - I struggle with what (and how) to document. - I have been using gray rock communication and it’s hurting my case. - I don’t understand what matters to the court system and I feel lost. - I feel alone and no one understands – my own therapist seems baffled. - I am at odds with my attorney, and I don’t feel heard. - I am facing a custody evaluation and I don’t know how to prepare. - The judge sees me as part of the problem and I don’t know how to turn this around. Our high-conflict divorce coaches have received extensive training on post separation abuse. These coaches have been taught by leading experts around the world and they are trained to serve as strategy partners. Check our referral database at [www.hcdivorcecoach.com/coach]( Our position is that alienation is a debunked concept based on Dr. Richard Gardner's clinical observations, not scientific data and it is not recognized by the United Nations (UN), American Psychiatric Association (APA), the World Health Organization (WHO), National Safe Parents Association (NSPO), American Academy of Family Medicine (AAFP) or the American Medical Association (AMA). In 2022, the federal government took a firm stance by enacting Kayden’s Law which calls for evidence-based training for family court professionals, a restriction on expert testimony and limiting reunification therapies and reunification camps. Equally powerful is the stance recently taken by the United Nations, the [report is located here](. Accusations of “alienation” are employed as a legal strategy to deflect from allegations or findings of abuse. While we do acknowledge and validate that there are parents who attempt (and sometimes succeed) in turning children against the healthy parent. When this does occur, we are against utilizing any of the terminology (alienation, parental alienation, parental alienation syndrome, resist-refuse dynamic, pathogenic parenting, targeted parent, etc) that is co-opted and branded by those in the alienation industry and the fathers rights movement. We invite you to learn more about the [alienation industry and its history here](. - [Roundtable: Violence, Criminality, and Human Rights Violations in the Family Courts with Dr. Bandy Lee]( - Survivor Squad Podcast: [Part I: Money, Manipulation & Mayhem w/ Tina Swithin]( - Survivor Squad Podcast: [Part II: Money, Manipulation & Mayhem w/ Tina Swithin]( - [Toxic: The Podcast: Episode 75: Not the Fun Kind of Camp—Family Reunification Camps, aka, Legalized Kidnappings, Are Disturbing as Hell]( - [Your Divorce Survival Guide: Exposing Parental Alienation in Family Courts with Grant Wyeth]( - [What Came Next Podcast]( - [Ms. Magazine: Remembering Catherine Kassenoff and Continuing the Fight for Fair U.S. Child Custody Outcomes]( - [What You Need to Know About Reunification Therapy (Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast)]( - [Here's the Truth About Reunification Camps (Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast)]( - [Nightline: Lala Kent and Tina Swithin]( - [Navigating Narcissism: Dr. Ramani and Tina Swithin]( - [Insider: Her son said his stepdad was sexually abusive. A judge gave the stepdad custody anyway. Then she found the photographs]( - [One Mom's Battle by Annie Kenny: Welcome to America, the Land of the Free - Unless you are the Child of An Abuser]( - [ProPublica: Barricaded Siblings Turn to TikTok While Defying Court Order to Return to Father They Say Abused Them]( - [Page Six: Lala Kent Protesting Family Court Abuse]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Family Courts Rely on Dubious Theory to Dismiss Child Abuse Claims]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Children’s Violent Removal From Santa Cruz Home Raises Calls to End Reunification Camps]( - [Good Times Santa Cruz: Teens and Lawmakers Work to Outlaw Reunification Therapy]( [Facebook]( [Twitter]( [Link]( [Website]( [Pinterest]( [LinkedIn]( [YouTube]( Our mailing address is: One Mom's Battle/Tina Swithin P.O. Box 123 San Luis Obispo, California 93406 Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. 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