Lemonade Wisdom: Changes (at OMB) on the Horizon

...because our bodies truly do keep the score The body keeps the score, it absolutely does. It was April 2004, I was cuddling my sweet, new puppy on my lap and when I looked down at her, the entire left side of my body felt an electrical sensation travel all the way down to my toes. It was an odd feeling, but I assumed it was a pinched nerve or something easily explainable. I actually thought it was a bit funny and repeated the motion of tucking my head down to see if it was a one-time event or if I could re-create this odd feeling. I made an appointment with my doctor’s office and was sent for x-rays and blood work. I was given muscle relaxers. A few weeks later as I was walking down the sidewalk at a funeral, I received a call from the nurse practitioner who said, “I believe you may have multiple sclerosis. We are referring you to a neurologist.” “Multiple sclerosis,” I thought? What! I had no idea what multiple sclerosis (MS) was, or why she would think I had such a thing. At that juncture, I was four years into my relationship with Seth. We had been married for almost 3 years and things were incredibly tense and stressful due to his financial escapades. The cracks in the foundation of his family were now apparent to me which created conflict and tension between us. I was working approximately 80 to 90 hours per week at our business, some nights we slept on the office floor to catch a little shut eye while pulling all-nighters. My work ethic was the only thing that garnered approval and praise from him - and I so desperately wanted peace in our relationship. In addition, working allowed me to forget the reality of our life. It was a welcomed distraction. In between April and July, I had received a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis and the initial onset of this disease brought debilitating fatigue. I had gone from running 10k races to being unable to walk more than 10 feet unassisted. By July, I was hospitalized for a week and received an incredibly invasive treatment called plasmapheresis. I laid in the hospital bed for five days, watching the blood leaving my body through a tube where my plasma was separated from my blood cells and filtered through a machine before coming back into my body with a plasma substitute…it felt surreal and terrifying. During this time, my husband forbid me from telling anyone that I was in the hospital outside of my immediate family members. It didn’t fit his blueprint, or his image. I was an embarrassment to him and so I learned to keep my disease secret. Shortly after, we were at a dinner party with a close group of friends and I shared my recent health update and diagnosis for the first time. On the way home, I was told that I was "attention-seeking" and I was heavily ridiculed until I was in tears. After, I received Seth’s favorite weapon; the silent treatment (for what felt like an eternity). Throughout our marriage, I faced serious financial abuse and Seth's favorite scare tactic: if I left him, no one would ever want me. “No one wants a single mom with multiple sclerosis,” he sneered on multiple occasions. The cherry on top was his repeated threat of taking my health insurance, which would be a reality of the divorce. I remember meeting with a divorce attorney at one point who told me that I needed to stay married for 10 years, at that point I was 7.5 years in. I couldn’t do it; it would destroy me. I decided to take my chances – while the unknowns were terrifying, so was staying in the toxic environment that was my marriage. While Seth was the one who actually ended our marriage, I had already mentally checked out so the news came as a relief. While my diagnosis for many years was technically labeled, “multiple sclerosis,” I’ve been told by multiple doctors over the years that they really didn’t know what I had. While multiple sclerosis itself is a very unpredictable disease, presenting different in each individual person, mine was considered very atypical. After a flare last fall, I found a neurologist at Stanford who has been a godsend. Through a series of tests, I was finally given a diagnosis that fits and as daunting as it is, I finally have answers to work with. My diagnosis is neuromyelitis optica/MOGAD (myelin oligodendrocyte glycoprotein antibody disease) and while it is a beast of a disease, I am dedicated to living my best life but I will need to make lots of changes. While I had hoped the flare in the fall was behind me, I woke up one morning in April and my left leg was not working properly. It was difficult to walk – which was terrifying. On top of losing my dad around the same time, it was almost too much to bear. I navigate many symptoms on any given day but my legs have never been affected to the point that walking was a challenge. My doctor put me on prednisone and scheduled an emergency MRI which showed a fairly large, new lesion on my spinal cord. I left the doctor’s office in Palo Alto, California, feeling as though the wind had been knocked out of me. It was a lot to absorb - my spinal cord already looks like a battlefield of lesions, and with each new one, my physical abilities become compromised even more. This evil disease has been attacking my spinal cord since the initial onset, almost 20 years ago. Apparently, I am a pretty stubborn person (which has its advantages) but this was the wakeup call I needed to make drastic changes in my life. It’s been exactly one month since my doctor delivered this news and shortly after, I spent a full week in a trauma center, committed to releasing the trauma that my body was holding onto as a result of childhood traumas, narcissistic abuse, ten-years of family court and, a five-year criminal trial… in addition to the secondary traumas I have experienced while doing this work. At the center, I learned how to breathe, which seems so silly because I’ve been breathing my whole life but apparently, I haven’t been utilizing my breath to control my nervous system. I learned the importance of daily meditation, something I’ve dabbled with over the years but a practice that will be mandatory for me moving forward. The body keeps the score, it truly does and there have been so many things to keep score of...so I’m giving myself lots of grace. I came home after doing five days of intensive work feeling lighter and out of the “fight or flight” mode that had become my default setting. I have changed my entire lifestyle and gone from incredibly healthy eating to extreme healthy eating. My pantry now looks even more like a science lab with fermented foods, fire cider and kombucha. The most difficult part, I haven’t had a glass of wine in four weeks yet somehow, I still have a pulse. As my body heals and works to create new pathways around my pesky spinal cord damage, I owe it to myself and to my family to heed this warning and reevaluate lots of things in my life. I am taking things day by day. My addiction is work. I’ve learned through my therapy journey that working, creating and doing it is where I derive my self-worth. I am actively putting things on my imaginary chopping block, deciding what gets cut, where I need to step back and what brings me joy. I know I have additional books in me, and writing is cathartic for me so that is an absolute. One Mom’s Battle and Alienation Industry are my heart projects and, I will continue with both, but both may look a little different. I will no longer be coaching/consulting one-on-one with clients – which was a very difficult decision to make but, a necessary one. The bulk of my efforts will be focused on training others to do this important work through the High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program. When I do decide to retire, I want to ensure that we have an army out there holding space, strategizing with those on the battlefield and fighting for legislative change. I will continue to download the past 14 years of knowledge into my students, they give me hope. They are taking the torches that I am handing out, and helping so many people. It all started feeling ‘really real’ as I worked to safely purge a stack of client files that was almost 3 feet (!!!) tall (my second purge in the past year!) over the weekend. That feeling intensified today as I picked up my disabled persons parking placard from the California Department of Motor Vehicles. I hope that I don’t have to use it but, I will concede that it is comforting to have if I do ever need it. I am so grateful for the support I have received over the past month, as I’ve shared my news with my beloved clients. When I started my blog in 2011, I stated that if I helped one other person, it would make my pain and experience more tolerable. I have been overwhelmed with emails from my clients yesterday and today, sharing the impact I’ve had on their lives and their children’s lives. People have shared success stories with me and victories because of the strategies they have learned by following OMB over the years. I am absorbing that and being very intentional… pausing to read and feel all the feels. Many people want to know, what they can do to support me and here’s what I will tell you: I will take all of the light, love, positive thoughts and prayers that you can spare. If you come across a heart in nature, send me a photo because I am going to be intentional about bringing more joy into my life. I hope to find balance within the reality of this subject matter (family court) - feel free to overwhelm me with love, light and joy – my goal is to be intentional about seeking these things. I also invite you to share in this new practice with me. There is a lot of darkness but there's also a lot of light. Welcome to my next chapter, thank you for standing with me through it all. So many of you have been with me through so many different chapters of this journey. Some of you have been with me since 2011 when I first started writing. We could talk all day about how dark, horrific and dangerous the narcissist is, but what I know is that the narcissist targets some pretty amazing people. The people who join our community are truly incredible humans: I picture all of you as lotus flowers…coming out of the muddy swamp, determined to bloom brightly and claim your space in this world after being pushed down in the murky waters for so long. Some days are more challenging than others but ultimately, you have blossomed or you are on the right path. Keep your face towards the sunshine, just like sunflowers do. Sending love and light, Tina Are you struggling to understand how to properly communicate with a narcissist (or high-conflict individual) during your child custody battle? Communication during a child custody battle with a narcissist, and more specifically, strategic communication, plays a huge role in the outcome (positive or negative) of family court cases. The reality is, most people play right into the narcissist’s trap and wind up looking like they are part of the conflict. In this course, we will discuss the following: - The Reality of Family Court (Radical Acceptance: they don’t know either of you) - Understanding Narcissistic Communication - Gray Rock vs Yellow Rock Communication - What is “The Yellow Rock Mentality?” - Decoding the Narcissist’s Communication - Strategic Communication for the Win Having a strategic mindset and removing emotions is a tall but crucial step to painting a picture of who the narcissist is — and who you are as a person and, as a parent. Link: [( - [What Came Next Podcast]( - [What You Need to Know About Reunification Therapy (Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast)]( - [Here's the Truth About Reunification Camps (Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast)]( - [Nightline: Lala Kent and Tina Swithin]( - [Insider: Her son said his stepdad was sexually abusive. A judge gave the stepdad custody anyway. Then she found the photographs]( - [One Mom's Battle by Annie Kenny: Welcome to America, the Land of the Free - Unless you are the Child of An Abuser]( - [ProPublica: Barricaded Siblings Turn to TikTok While Defying Court Order to Return to Father They Say Abused Them]( - [Page Six: Lala Kent Protesting Family Court Abuse]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Family Courts Rely on Dubious Theory to Dismiss Child Abuse Claims]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Children’s Violent Removal From Santa Cruz Home Raises Calls to End Reunification Camps]( - [Good Times Santa Cruz: Teens and Lawmakers Work to Outlaw Reunification Therapy]( What type of experience or background is required to enroll in your program? What are the prerequisites? Our students come into the program with diverse backgrounds, but all typically share one common experience: a high-conflict divorce or child custody battle. Often their experiences are personal and other times, they’ve been witness to the trials and tribulations of close friends, family members, acquaintances, clients or colleagues. Our program applicants include those who are seeking to reinvent themselves after raising children as well as those seeking a career change. Many come into our program seeking purpose after the painful journey they’ve endured, coupled with a desire to help others. In each program, we often have both family law professionals and mental health professionals. Graduates from our program include parenting coordinators, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, mediators, child custody evaluators and family law attorneys. Some students enter the program to better understand the dynamics of high conflict family court proceedings for their own personal knowledge, not for career opportunities. Apply today at [hcdivorcecoach.com/apply]( and join us for August session! [Click here to learn ALL about becoming a High Conflict Divorce Coach.]( [Facebook]( [Twitter]( [Link]( [Website]( [Pinterest]( [LinkedIn]( [YouTube]( Our mailing address is: One Mom's Battle/Tina Swithin P.O. Box 123 San Luis Obispo, California 93406 Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. Copyright © 2021 One Mom's Battle, LLC, All rights reserved