Lemonade Wisdom: UN Special Rapporteur Addresses "Parental Alienation"

...how the discredited and unscientific pseudo-concept of parental alienation is used in family law proceedings by abusers. I woke up to my cell phone beeping. My heart started pounding as I saw messages from friends on the East Coast: - “TINA! LOOK AT THIS UN REPORT!” - “The UN is calling for a BAN ON REUNIFICATION CAMPS, TINA!!!” - “Reem Alsalem’s report – OMG. Check this out!” Beep, beep, beep… I was barely conscious as I was trying to process what was coming through while reading the tiny print on my phone screen. Sitting straight up in bed with my heart pounding harder as I read through the report thinking, “This is it.” And this is it: [United Nations: Custody, violence against women and violence against children Report of the Special Rapporteur on violence against women and girls, its causes and consequences (Reem Alsalem)](bit.ly/3pAgeFH) “Conclusion and recommendations: The report demonstrates how the discredited and unscientific pseudo-concept of parental alienation is used in family law proceedings by abusers as a tool to continue their abuse and coercion and to undermine and discredit allegations of domestic violence made by mothers who are trying to keep their children safe. It also shows how the standard of the best interest of the child is violated by imposing contact between a child and one or both parents and by prioritizing it, even where there is evidence of domestic violence. Predominantly as a result of the lack of training and gender bias and of access to legal support, the custody of children may be awarded to perpetrators of violence, despite evidence of a history of domestic and/or sexual abuse. The risks of such consequences are compounded for women from marginalized groups in society. The report elaborates on systemic issues that lead to additional barriers to justice. Judges and evaluators need to move away from focusing on the identification of behaviours that are contested within the discipline of psychology and towards a focus on the specific facts and contexts of each case.” ...and one of my personal favorites: “(l) The use of “reunification camps” for children as part of any outcome in legal proceedings be prohibited;” Ironically, I had just made a commitment yesterday that I was not going to check my cell phone first thing in the morning because every day, I’ve been waking up with a sense of overwhelming panic, wondering what crisis and trauma will be unfolding as I open my messages. Lately, I find myself overwhelmed, heartbroken and unable to keep up – there are so many in crisis. Children are being removed from safe parents – more than I’ve ever seen in my decade (plus) of advocacy. These things haunt me and keep me awake at night because the reality is, things feel worse and worse every year. This is all compounded by the teenagers and children who are reaching out to me, wanting me to amplify their stories -- believing that I hold a magic wand and can protect them. It's heavy. My intuition tells me that my time in the advocacy world is coming to an end, and I’ve started having conversations about this with mentors and people I trust. I have no idea what my exit plan looks like nor do I have timeline or, clarity on the next chapter but my heart, my mind, and my soul are all in alignment on this decision. While still unpacking my own trauma, I am trauma immersed which is not a good combination with my current health crisis. I predict that my exit plan will unfold over the next two years, as I figure out what is next for me career-wise. My guess is that I will continue to train others to do this work, because there is a great need. Days like today give me hope -- that we are finally moving in the right direction. Someone asked me yesterday; How will you know when your contribution to this movement feels like enough? What does that look like for you? How will you know? I sensed a little skepticism in her voice as she asked me these questions, she wanted to know if the family court system is ever going to be in a place for me to truly feel comfortable walking away – outside of a complete demolition of the present-day system and a rebirth, there will always be lots of work to do. I see several areas of reform and overhaul needed: - Infiltration of the alienation industry, players calling themselves professionals yet profiting off pseudoscience and the trauma they are causing children. This cottage industry needs to be eradicated. - Lack of transparency, oversight, and the fact that there is complete immunity for judges and other professionals in family court. We will see big changes when there is accountability. - The need for judicial education – with trauma informed instructors and science-based agendas using empirical data and peer reviewed research. With media exposure, a documentary in the works, [class action lawsuits]( and investigations into the [alienation industry]( we are moving in the right direction. The firm stance taken by the United Nations today is the icing on top. With the federal government [passing Kayden’s Law (KL)]( and therefore, recognizing the family court crisis, states are being incentivized to adopt this important legislation across the country. Colorado has taken the lead in passing KL, and we congratulate everyone who worked so hard to make this happen. KL will further chip away at the alienation industry and, address the need for judicial education. I have a personal interest in removing the word “alienation” from the family court dictionary. One word has caused devastation for decades, I want to see the unscrupulous attorneys and family court players put out of business. Every move that a protective parent makes is put under the microscope of alienation. Normal, logical, healthy responses to abuse, are criticized, flipped, and suddenly, the heroes (protective parents) fighting to protect their children are villainized. This must stop. In 2021, over 100 women joined us in [filing a complaint against the US government for violation of human rights](. We lodged this complaint with the UN. In 2022, the UN special rapport called for submissions on the topic of parental alienation, and its effects on the family court system. Countless women responded, desperate for help and desperate to have their stories taken into account. A reckoning is underway for the pain and suffering of thousands and thousands of women and children around the world. It's happening. Today is a day to celebrate, I am so honored to stand with so many in advocacy. Every day, I am in awe of the brave survivors who are plowing through their own trauma to create a path for others. Together, we are stronger and today, we were heard. The UN Special Rapporteur, Reem Alsalem, is a hero to all of us, and for our children. Sending love and light, Tina Are you struggling to understand how to properly communicate with a narcissist (or high-conflict individual) during your child custody battle? Communication during a child custody battle with a narcissist, and more specifically, strategic communication, plays a huge role in the outcome (positive or negative) of family court cases. The reality is, most people play right into the narcissist’s trap and wind up looking like they are part of the conflict. In this course, we will discuss the following: - The Reality of Family Court (Radical Acceptance: they don’t know either of you) - Understanding Narcissistic Communication - Gray Rock vs Yellow Rock Communication - What is “The Yellow Rock Mentality?” - Decoding the Narcissist’s Communication - Strategic Communication for the Win Having a strategic mindset and removing emotions is a tall but crucial step to painting a picture of who the narcissist is — and who you are as a person and, as a parent. Link: [( - [One Mom's Battle by Annie Kenny: Welcome to America, the Land of the Free - Unless you are the Child of An Abuser]( - [ProPublica: Barricaded Siblings Turn to TikTok While Defying Court Order to Return to Father They Say Abused Them]( - [Page Six: Lala Kent Protesting Family Court Abuse]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Family Courts Rely on Dubious Theory to Dismiss Child Abuse Claims]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Children’s Violent Removal From Santa Cruz Home Raises Calls to End Reunification Camps]( - [Good Times Santa Cruz: Teens and Lawmakers Work to Outlaw Reunification Therapy]( There is no “perfect” student, and there are no prerequisites required for the High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program (HCDCCP). We simply ask that students apply and join the program with a willingness to learn and engage. Regardless of your background, you must also be far enough in your own healing journey to hold space for future clients. Our students come from diverse backgrounds, ranging from family court attorneys and psychologists to those who have personally experienced a high conflict divorce or child custody battle. Apply today at [hcdivorcecoach.com/apply]( and join us for August session! [Click here to learn ALL about becoming a High Conflict Divorce Coach.]( [Facebook]( [Twitter]( [Link]( [Website]( [Pinterest]( [LinkedIn]( [YouTube]( Our mailing address is: One Mom's Battle/Tina Swithin P.O. Box 123 San Luis Obispo, California 93406 Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. Copyright © 2021 One Mom's Battle, LLC, All rights reserved