All Eyes on Family Court ✔

Literally: over ten million! I am an "alienator" according to many of the "professionals" in the family court system. I use "air quotes" a lot when I am talking about this topic. I believed that my children had a voice - and a right to be safe. One of my biggest trigger words is “alienation.” At so many custody exchanges, my ex-husband would bark at me, “alienation,” “alienator,” “parental alienation,” or “this is parental alienation, Tina!” Sometimes it would be rage-filled chants, “this is parental alienation, this is parental alienation, this is parental alienation.” Depending on the level of intensity, I would get the girls into the car quickly and close the doors to shut out his voice. There were times he followed me through parking lots, chanting these words at me as I hurried along with my daughters in tow, and tears streaming. I remember the first time I looked it up, not understanding what I was being accused of. Looking over my shoulder as I read the description, wondering if I had someone else’s court paperwork. Me, trying to turn my children against my ex-husband? I surely had the wrong paperwork. But there it was, my name right at the top. And then his name. I thought back to some of the most painful realizations during my marriage and, some of our biggest arguments. The one that continued to circle through my head on loop was my frustration and sadness over Seth’s lack of interest in our daughters. He showed interest when there was an audience present such as dinner parties where he would have our daughters perform for others, impressing them with their intelligence, memorization skills, dance moves or their understanding of baby sign language. He paid attention to them if a camera was present or at public events where he could garner attention. He became a doting dad whenever his mom was visiting, I would see what I believed to be glimmers of a connection or of a desire to have a connection and it would give me so much hope. More than anything, I wanted my daughters to have two loving parents and strong bonds and connections to both of us. What I didn't understand at the time is that it was all for show – he was not capable of having a bond with the girls. I remember being so envious of my friends who would describe what it was like when their partners came home in the evening. The children would run and jump into their arms, the dad would get down on the floor and play with them or wrestle. After dinner, bath, bedtime stories and bonding. In our home, when he walked through the doors in the evening, my oldest daughter would run and hide behind me. When we finally went to marriage counseling, this was the ongoing topic of discussion – my desire for him to be a parent to the girls and, his inability or refusal to do so. When our divorce started, and before I understood the reality of who he was and what I was up against, there was a small part of me that was grateful that he would be forced to step up to the plate. I thought that “force” was the keyword, that he would have to be forced to take parenting time. Everything in his world took priority over the girls: his business, his dogs, the gym, training for triathlons, his cars, taking the trash out, on and on. To go from his (lack of) relationship with our daughters being a source of contention in our relationship to finding myself accused of purposely turning my children against him, it is triggering and painful. It is the exact opposite of who I was – it was the opposite of what I wanted for my daughters. Not only did I spend years trying to defend myself, desperate to show that I was not “alienating” but that his own behaviors were causing my children to reject the relationship with him, I have spent years trying to warn other parents how serious accusations of “alienation” can be in the family court system. I watch when people get so caught up on justice or fairness in the system and as a result, they make mistakes that queue them up for accusations of “alienation.” Over the past 10 years, I have watched the lucrative industry of alienation professionals infiltrate an already broken system. I continue to hear stories about this cottage industry of “professionals” who are driven and motivated by self-interest, and parental rights versus a child’s right to be heard and safe. As this movement grows, it gets scarier and scarier for protective or preferred parents. I find myself walking a very fine line, there’s already so much fear in the unknowns of the family court system, I hesitate to cause additional fear but I feel obligated to share my concerns and the warnings. Accusations of enmeshment, or gatekeeping are truly concerning to me because I can predict the direction things are going when these labels are taken seriously by family court professionals. These words tell me that there is an accusation of “alienation” coming down the pipeline. It’s not fair and it’s not just but radical acceptance is a critical component to this journey, until the system changes there is nothing fair or just about it. One of the most difficult things I do on any given day is to help people understand the importance of presentation when it comes to parenting, coparenting and the court system in general. Things like gray rock communication or parallel parenting can be a recipe for disaster in many cases. The court does not know either party, they are not trauma informed, they are not trained in domestic abuse or coercive control, as a result of their shortcomings and failures, we carry a large burden to show up and operate at our best - while under a high-powered microscope. It took me two years of navigating the journey through the family court system to truly see it for what it is, it is a misogynistic, patriarchal system that views us as business transactions and case numbers. It was only through sitting in court and watching proceedings that I begin to view things through their lens. This caused me to shift everything I was doing and operate from a place of strategy versus emotion, there was no other way to protect my daughters. It’s not fair, it's not just – but it was my reality and I was completely depleted, I did not have the energy to go up against the entire system. While I have heard the horrors of rulings involving the pseudoscience of alienation for many years, nothing could have prepared me for what occurred on October 20, 2022 when I was tagged in an Instagram post by 15-year old Maya Laing of Santa Cruz, California. If you have not followed the story, I will share the [link here]( and also below but I warn you, while there is a trigger warning to everything that we talk about here, this one comes with an extra trigger warning. Maya and Sebastian's story on our [TikTok account]( has received over 2.5 million views, and that's just on our account. It has been shown all over the world and we estimate that at a minimum, it has been viewed 10 million times. That is a very conservative estimate just based on our own social media channels. As a result of Maya's bravery in going public with her story, the attention that has been created on this topic has allowed others to see the reality of our present day court system. All eyes are truly watching right now and we will continue to speak out, continue to share their story which also is the story of so many around the world. I hope you will join us in Los Angeles on Thursday, November 17 as we come together to [protest at the Stanley Mosk Courthouse](. Details below, I will see you there. Let's turn the high powered microscope in the direction it truly belongs, on the family court professionals who are failing our children. PS Gratitude to the National Safe Parents Organization for putting together a very informative compilation of the alienation movement, past and present. [Click here]( to read. Thank you for being a part of my little village - I am grateful for you. Love, Tina [Trigger warning: the story of Maya and Sebastian Laing.]( [Family Court Awareness Month Events]( Every Friday: Coffee with Tina at 9am PST Not able to join live, we will post the video on the OMB Instagram at @onemomsbattle. Have a question you’d like us to discuss for a future live - email it to admin@onemomsbattle.com (subject line: Coffee with Tina). Connect with us on [Instagram by clicking here](. Our next session begins on January 9, 2023, and we have 5 spaces remaining. If you are interested in starting your new career as a high conflict divorce coach, be sure to apply today! [➡][hcdivorcecoach.com/apply]( [Click for Graduate Testimonials]( Parental alienation” is not recognized by ANY credible organization such as WHO or the American Psychological Association (APA) yet it is a HUGE moneymaker for attorneys and therapists. Sadly, it’s used by the abuser to remove children from the safe parent. The narcissist accuses the safe parent of turning the kids against him/her, when in fact the kids can see for themselves what is happening without you saying a word. The abuser’s own actions turn the children away. The narcissist may accuse you of “gatekeeping” when you try to prevent your kids from being in physically or emotionally unsafe situations. You may be accused of “enmeshment” when the narcissist is in a jealous rage that your kids are naturally more comfortable with you. The narcissist’s own actions and behavior (abuse) is what turns the children away – yet the finger is pointing at you! Concerned about claims of alienation, gatekeeping, or enmeshment? Parental alienation is the number one tool for abusers to remove custody from healthy parents and even though it has been discredited as “junk science,” it is a widely used accusation in many courtrooms. Those who complete the course are invited to join our private support group, “Safeguarding Against Alienation Claims” Link: [( In an effort to raise awareness on post separation abuse, we have created a campaign using the words of the abuser. The abuser’s own words paint a picture that is undeniable yet the family court system continues to give the abuser the benefit of the doubt to the detriment of children. Each and every day, children are being sent into abusive situations because “parental rights” continue to trump children’s rights to safety. For each quote that we use, One Mom’s Battle will make a $10 donation to the National Family Violence Law Center at the George Washington University. To Participate: Send the post separation abuse words of your abuser to postseparationabuse@gmail.com [Facebook]( [Twitter]( [Link]( [Website]( [Pinterest]( [LinkedIn]( [YouTube]( Our mailing address is: One Mom's Battle/Tina Swithin P.O. Box 123 San Luis Obispo, California 93406 Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. Copyright © 2021 One Mom's Battle, LLC, All rights reserved