Lemonade Wisdom: "Your First Reaction is Your Past"

"Your intentional response is your present.”-Yung Pueblo UNBECOMING MOMENTS OF MOTHERHOOD (AND LIFE) Yesterday was not one of my finest moments. I received a harsh, critical e-mail from a survivor saying, “shame on you!” She was upset that I had missed a previous email from her, and that I had not responded. She was angry that she was speaking out as a survivor yet I, as an advocate, was not hearing her or responding to her. If that wasn't difficult enough, I reacted in a way that is unbecoming of who I am, and who I strive to be. In my response to her, I shared what was going with my health, hoping for a bit of compassion. I let her know that her frustration and anger was incredibly misdirected. I let her know that “I did not break the system” and that I am just one person doing my very best. In that moment, I was upset, depleted and overwhelmed. I know better than to respond when I am in that space. As a parent, I reflect on other moments when I was in a state of overwhelm and I wasn't the best version of myself as a mother. I hear from mothers all the time expressing guilt and shame for reacting to their children when their fuse is short and they are feeling beaten down by the system. When we are faced with these situations, I think it's important to push pause, get re-centered, self-reflect and apologize when needed. When I originally hit send on that e-mail, I felt justified in my response. But immediately, I was met with a wave of regret. I knew better than to react without reflection when I am upset. I went back to my email and I responded, letting her know that I am grateful for everyone who speaks out, grateful that she feels people are listening to her, finally. I apologized for what she had been through, and I expressed my sincere hope that she and her children received the platform that they deserved. I opened Instagram 30 minutes later and one of the first posts I saw was from one of my [favorite authors]( “Your immediate reaction does not tell you who you are it is how you decide to respond after the reaction that gives real insight into how much you have grown your first reaction is your past your intentional response is your present.” -Yung Pueblo I got chills. My eyes filled with tears. It was almost as though he was speaking directly to me and, to all of us who have reacted when we should push pause. I think this is so important for all of us who are parents. It is on us to model what healthy behavior looks like and even when we have those moments that we may regret doing or saying something that is unbecoming of who we are, or of who we desire to be... It's how we show up and handle it afterwards that truly matters when it comes to our children. We have all had moments as mothers that we wish we could “do over” but in all honesty, I think it humanizes us to our children and provides an incredible opportunity for us to model what healthy looks like. It's giving ourselves a timeout when needed and letting our children know that sometimes, even adults need a timeout. It's looking them in the eyes and apologizing and humanizing ourselves. We are human, momma, and we need to show ourselves the same compassion we would show to another human. Our job is to teach our children what healthy looks like through our words, but even more important, through our actions. Thank you for being a part of my little village - I am grateful for you. Love, Tina [Data collection: how coercive control laws are working in states]( BECOME AN ADVOCATE FOR [THE KEEPING CHILDREN SAFE FROM FAMILY VIOLENCE ACT]( (AKA KAYDEN'S LAW IN VAWA) NSPO's ongoing LIVE Advocacy Event Series is designed to help support you to raise awareness, bring ["The Keeping Children Safe From Family Violence Act"]( (aka [Kayden’s Law]( in VAWA) to your state, connect you with others in your state to streamline your advocacy efforts. These events will be held on the second Thursday of each month and will feature special guests and cover various topics. Our next event: Thursday, September 8th at 6:30 pm. Please [request access]( for the free advocacy event series and links for the events will be emailed to you on the day of each event. The Federal “Keeping Children Safe From Family Violence Act” aka [#kaydenslaw]( was passed and needs to be adopted in all 50 states (as it is written) — without delay. The experts who intricately understand the intent & purpose of [#KaydensLaw]( in [#VAWA]( - those who drafted it ( [The National Family Violence Law Center at GW]( along side a Pennsylvania Congressman) should be the key advisors to state lawmakers so it gets done in the most effective and efficient way possible for survivors (parents and children) at the state level. If you are planning to meet with your state legislators on this important legislation, please make sure you are connected to [National Safe Parents Organization](. We can support your efforts and connect you with the experts who have a proven track record of helping to protect children. Every Friday: Coffee with Tina at 9amPST Our topic of discussion this week: How do you best parent a child/children (in a healthy way) when the other parent engages in counter-parenting? Not able to join live, we will post the video on the OMB Instagram at @onemomsbattle. Have a question you’d like us to discuss for a future live - email it to admin@onemomsbattle.com (subject line: Coffee with Tina). Connect with us on [Instagram by clicking here](. NOVEMBER IS FAMILY COURT AWARENESS MONTH We want to put this on the map in your community BUT we can't do it without you. Has YOUR city, county or state proclaimed November as Family Court Awareness Month? HELP WANTED: We need state leads, researchers, graphic designers and help with PR efforts (access to Cision would be a double-bonus). PROCLATION REQUESTS: Please mark your calendars - many proclamations need to be requested four (or more) weeks in advance. [Interested in helping? Click here to contact us.]( Email: Sandy@familycourtawarenessmonth.org Our next session begins on January 9, 2023, and we have 11 spaces remaining. If you are interested in starting your new career as a high conflict divorce coach, be sure to apply today! [➡][hcdivorcecoach.com/apply]( [Click for Graduate Testimonials]( Parental alienation” is not recognized by ANY credible organization such as WHO or the American Psychological Association (APA) yet it is a HUGE moneymaker for attorneys and therapists. Sadly, it’s used by the abuser to remove children from the safe parent. The narcissist accuses the safe parent of turning the kids against him/her, when in fact the kids can see for themselves what is happening without you saying a word. The abuser’s own actions turn the children away. The narcissist may accuse you of “gatekeeping” when you try to prevent your kids from being in physically or emotionally unsafe situations. You may be accused of “enmeshment” when the narcissist is in a jealous rage that your kids are naturally more comfortable with you. The narcissist’s own actions and behavior (abuse) is what turns the children away – yet the finger is pointing at you! Concerned about claims of alienation, gatekeeping, or enmeshment? Parental alienation is the number one tool for abusers to remove custody from healthy parents and even though it has been discredited as “junk science,” it is a widely used accusation in many courtrooms. Those who complete the course are invited to join our private support group, “Safeguarding Against Alienation Claims” Link: [( In an effort to raise awareness on post separation abuse, we have created a campaign using the words of the abuser. The abuser’s own words paint a picture that is undeniable yet the family court system continues to give the abuser the benefit of the doubt to the detriment of children. Each and every day, children are being sent into abusive situations because “parental rights” continue to trump children’s rights to safety. For each quote that we use, One Mom’s Battle will make a $10 donation to the National Family Violence Law Center at the George Washington University. To Participate: Send the post separation abuse words of your abuser to postseparationabuse@gmail.com Need an attorney or therapist? Friends of OMB is a database of professionals who have been recommended to us by OMB followers or clients. [(CLICK HERE)]( Following the OMB Blog? Stay "in the know" on topics related to family court, calls-to-action, narcissistic abuse and post separation abuse. [(CLICK HERE)]( [Facebook]( [Twitter]( [Link]( [Website]( [Pinterest]( [LinkedIn]( [YouTube]( Our mailing address is: One Mom's Battle/Tina Swithin P.O. Box 123 San Luis Obispo, California 93406 Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. Copyright © 2021 One Mom's Battle, LLC, All rights reserved