Lemonade Wisdom: The Best Advocate for Your Child

(Is YOU) YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S BEST ADVOCATE This Friday on Coffee with Tina, a question came through that brought up a lot for me. The question was, “what advice would you give to someone who is interested in going in pro se (self represented) in family court or who is forced into going pro se due to financial abuse?” To say that my world turned upside down in 2008 would be an understatement. I did not grow up wealthy, in fact there were weeks that we struggled to pay the bills. My dad was a blue collar worker, and at various times, I lived with family members because he had been knocked down so hard that we were unable to afford housing. During my relationship with Seth, I was shown a different side of the world. The excessive spending, flashy purchases, fancy cars and big houses made me uncomfortable. It didn't feel real to me even after eight years of living this way. It probably didn't feel real, because it wasn't. It was all fake. An extreme narcissistic façade. When it all got pulled out from under me, I felt relief in many ways. I craved simplicity, a normal life, a white picket fence and true connections with people that went beyond superficial conversations. Seth quickly set his sights on destroying me in every way. Public humiliation through smear campaigns that had no basis in reality, and complete financial devastation became his favorite weapons. I remember being short $50 for the electric bill and instead of going online to pay it, he wired a money order to the local grocery store so I would have to go stand in line and collect $50. He thought it would humiliate me, it didn't. It was those little games that gave him the biggest narcissistic feed. Excerpt from my book, [Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom's Battle]( "On Monday night, I printed the packet to begin divorce proceedings and stayed up late into the night preparing. I arrived at the courthouse thirty minutes after they opened and discovered I was thirty minutes too late. As I took my place in line, I realized Seth had beat me there. He was already at the window speaking to the clerk and didn’t know I was behind him. I watched him manically wave his arms around while talking to the court clerk. She was staring back at him with wide eyes while he was shoving photos up against the glass for her to see. He was showing her photos he hoped would prove his wife’s infidelity. I stood there in utter disbelief. These were photos of me with friends. I had never cheated on him. He had downloaded my personal photos from my computer. Even scarier, Seth sounded like he believed this wild story he had concocted. He filed for divorce minutes ahead of me and appeared startled when he finally saw me. He walked past me with a smirk, which had quickly replaced the victim mask he had worn just moments before. I stepped forward to the window when it was my turn, likely looking as if I had just had the wind knocked out of me. I stuttered, “Umm ... I ... I ... was going to file for divorce, but I think he just beat me to it.” I motioned to Seth’s paperwork, which the clerk was holding in her hand. She stared back at me with a look of compassion and concern, leaned forward to the small glass cutout, and whispered, “Do you want a restraining order packet?” “Yes,” I stammered. “I think I do.”" ### Every time I would start to find my bearings, he would do something to knock me down again. I looked at our first court date on the calendar with such hope and anticipated relief. I just had to make it to that day, I just needed to show the judge what was happening and surely, he would protect my daughters. I had no fear, no doubt, and if anything, I just wanted the days to fly by faster so I could walk into the court room and tell them what was happening. I did not even try to scrape together the money for an attorney, there was no money to scrape together. He had cut me off from everything and I did not have family to borrow from. I naïvely believed that I would be fine, I would just march in there and tell the truth. Once I realized, this was not the way the system worked, and we were both equally chastised at the first court hearing, I felt doubt permeate my mind and my soul. When the judge looked back and forth the both of us and said, “If this is the way you two are going to start your divorce proceedings, you are both crazy." I was so confused. Was he talking to me? Did he read my paperwork? He knew I was residing in a women's shelter with my two little girls, was that not a sign that I was afraid of this man? I asked for attorney fees, and was denied. I did not choose to go in pro se, I had no choice. I was facing the most daunting fight of my entire life and the judges words cut through me to my core, stripping away the confidence I had felt as I entered the courthouse that morning. I had no idea what was ahead of me on this rocky path and in hindsight, I am grateful I didn't know. Ironically, I am also grateful that I was denied attorney fees as truly believe I was my child's best advocate, even when my confidence was shaken. I hope you will consider joining me on Friday morning at 9am Pacific ([link to OMB on IG]( as we discuss this topic and look at it from different angles. I am a firm believer that even if you have a wonderful attorney, you are your child's best advocate (no, do not fire your attorney! That is not what I am saying). Regardless if you have an attorney or face going in pro se, we have lots to talk about. Thank you for being a part of my little village - I am grateful for you. Love, Tina BECOME AN ADVOCATE FOR [THE KEEPING CHILDREN SAFE FROM FAMILY VIOLENCE ACT]( (AKA KAYDEN'S LAW IN VAWA) NSPO's ongoing LIVE Advocacy Event Series is designed to help support you to raise awareness, bring ["The Keeping Children Safe From Family Violence Act"]( (aka [Kayden’s Law]( in VAWA) to your state, connect you with others in your state to streamline your advocacy efforts. These events will be held on the second Thursday of each month and will feature special guests and cover various topics. Our next event: Thursday, September 8th at 6:30 pm. Please [request access]( for the free advocacy event series and links for the events will be emailed to you on the day of each event. The Federal “Keeping Children Safe From Family Violence Act” aka [#kaydenslaw]( was passed and needs to be adopted in all 50 states (as it is written) — without delay. The experts who intricately understand the intent & purpose of [#KaydensLaw]( in [#VAWA]( - those who drafted it ( [The National Family Violence Law Center at GW]( along side a Pennsylvania Congressman) should be the key advisors to state lawmakers so it gets done in the most effective and efficient way possible for survivors (parents and children) at the state level. If you are planning to meet with your state legislators on this important legislation, please make sure you are connected to [National Safe Parents Organization](. We can support your efforts and connect you with the experts who have a proven track record of helping to protect children. Every Friday: Coffee with Tina at 9amPST Our topic of discussion this week: What advice would you give to someone who is interested in going pro se (self-representing in family court), or is forced into going pro se due to financial abuse? Not able to join live, we will post the video on the OMB Instagram at @onemomsbattle. Have a question you’d like us to discuss for a future live - email it to admin@onemomsbattle.com (subject line: Coffee with Tina). Connect with us on [Instagram by clicking here](. NOVEMBER IS FAMILY COURT AWARENESS MONTH We want to put this on the map in your community BUT we can't do it without you. Has YOUR city, county or state proclaimed November as Family Court Awareness Month? HELP WANTED: We need state leads, researchers, graphic designers and help with PR efforts (access to Cision would be a double-bonus). PROCLATION REQUESTS: Please mark your calendars - many proclamations need to be requested four (or more) weeks in advance. [Interested in helping? Click here to contact us.]( Email: Sandy@familycourtawarenessmonth.org Our next session begins on January 9, 2023, and we have 11 spaces remaining. If you are interested in starting your new career as a high conflict divorce coach, be sure to apply today! [➡][hcdivorcecoach.com/apply]( [Click for Graduate Testimonials]( Parental alienation” is not recognized by ANY credible organization such as WHO or the American Psychological Association (APA) yet it is a HUGE moneymaker for attorneys and therapists. Sadly, it’s used by the abuser to remove children from the safe parent. The narcissist accuses the safe parent of turning the kids against him/her, when in fact the kids can see for themselves what is happening without you saying a word. The abuser’s own actions turn the children away. The narcissist may accuse you of “gatekeeping” when you try to prevent your kids from being in physically or emotionally unsafe situations. You may be accused of “enmeshment” when the narcissist is in a jealous rage that your kids are naturally more comfortable with you. The narcissist’s own actions and behavior (abuse) is what turns the children away – yet the finger is pointing at you! Concerned about claims of alienation, gatekeeping, or enmeshment? Parental alienation is the number one tool for abusers to remove custody from healthy parents and even though it has been discredited as “junk science,” it is a widely used accusation in many courtrooms. Those who complete the course are invited to join our private support group, “Safeguarding Against Alienation Claims” Link: [( In an effort to raise awareness on post separation abuse, we have created a campaign using the words of the abuser. The abuser’s own words paint a picture that is undeniable yet the family court system continues to give the abuser the benefit of the doubt to the detriment of children. Each and every day, children are being sent into abusive situations because “parental rights” continue to trump children’s rights to safety. For each quote that we use, One Mom’s Battle will make a $10 donation to the National Family Violence Law Center at the George Washington University. To Participate: Send the post separation abuse words of your abuser to postseparationabuse@gmail.com Need an attorney or therapist? Friends of OMB is a database of professionals who have been recommended to us by OMB followers or clients. [(CLICK HERE)]( Following the OMB Blog? Stay "in the know" on topics related to family court, calls-to-action, narcissistic abuse and post separation abuse. [(CLICK HERE)]( [Facebook]( [Twitter]( [Link]( [Website]( [Pinterest]( [LinkedIn]( [YouTube]( Our mailing address is: One Mom's Battle/Tina Swithin P.O. Box 123 San Luis Obispo, California 93406 Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. Copyright © 2021 One Mom's Battle, LLC, All rights reserved