Lemonade Wisdom: Living in "Flight Mode"

When your "new normal" isn't normal LIVING IN (FIGHT OR) "FLIGHT MODE" And it becomes your new normal, and your old normal and…then, just normal. BUT, it isn't normal. As you may know, we found out at the end of June that we had to move out of our beloved home of nine years. Almost a decade and the vast majority of my daughters' childhoods. It was the house Glenn and I moved into after getting married in 2013. In many ways, it was the house that "rebuilt" me. If you’ve read my book, [Rebuilding after the Storm]( you know I use the analogy of a house that has been destroyed by a (divorce) hurricane- and needs to be rebuilt. As the damage is accessed, we examine the foundation, the cracked walls, an inventory on what was stored in the attic (what no longer serves us), all of it. That book was very much my own life and my own rebuilding process. I have worked so hard on my healing journey, but admittedly, I am often distracted by life's hurdles and my perpetual state of “trauma busy." Sound familiar? This recent move, while unexpected and difficult, has shown me that trauma had become my normal. Even with all the work I've done. It has shown me that I still have work to do. It's shown me that yes, the body does keep the score. It feels exhausting- does the healing journey ever end, I often wonder? How deep is the damage? The cracks may be where the light comes in but just how far down do they go? Sometimes, I am afraid of finding out. It was only in being forced out of my sweet little home that gave me a different vantage point and sometimes, that’s where we can see clearly. Anxiety had become my normal. Being in that house which was a safe space, still didn’t feel safe. It’s the house that held a lot of our healing, light, laughter and joy but it also held a lot of our trauma, and it was our collective trauma. Within those walls were some of the most horrific night terrors I’ve ever witnessed. Behind the doors of that house were panic attacks that felt like they would never end. Those floors caught many tears - from each of us. That house embraced us tightly through it all and despite how many sage cleansings, energy healings and prayers, it still held onto so much of it. Trauma is thick and pervasive. It was the driveway where I was served, where I was stalked and where a PI hid out on my quiet little street - obviously believing that my life was much more exciting than it really was. It was the driveway that captured my footsteps, to and from the courthouse. It was the driveway where my mail carrier learned first-hand about the reality of PTSD - through my "unusual" reactions when she startled me...while simply delivering our mail. Even when our family court chapter came to a close for the most part, my body still remembered. I didn’t even realize how anxious I was until, I wasn’t anxious anymore. Walking into my new driveway no longer causes me anxiety - I feel lighter but, I didn't even realize the heavy weight I was carrying. I didn't even realize the level of anxiety that was just my "normal" but again...it isn't normal. We shouldn't be forced to live this way - we should be protected. This is post separation abuse. This is institutional betrayal. Things most people take for granted like going to the mailbox or taking the dog on a stroll, shouldn't feel overwhelming. We continue to put one foot in front of the other, because for so many of us...this is just our normal. If you resonate with this, I see you...in the most loving way. I am sending you love and light. Thank you for being a part of my little village of lemonade makers and light seekers! With love, Tina ​WE BELIEVE IT IS A CHILD'S HUMAN RIGHT TO LIVE FREE FROM ABUSE. We are a national coalition of more than 100,000 survivor parents and concerned citizens in the United States advocating for evidence-based policies which put child safety and risks at the forefront of child custody decisions. NEXT EVENT: ADVOCACY 101 "RESPONDING TO THE ALIENATIONISTS" AUGUST 11TH AT 6:30PM EASTERN/ 3:30PM PACIFIC SPECIAL GUEST: PROFESSOR JOAN MEIER [CLICK TO JOIN]( ​We believe it is a child’s human right to live free from abuse and that child safety, which is implicit in the law, must be made the top priority in practice, in all private custody decision-making. We work with similar national coalitions across the globe, all whom are contending with the same problems we see in the U.S.: Court’s resistance to taking risks and abuse to a child seriously in the context of child access decisions. ​NSPO's ongoing LIVE Advocacy Event Series is designed to help support you to raise awareness, bring ["The Keeping Children Safe From Family Violence Act"]( (aka [Kayden’s Law]( in VAWA) to your state, connect you with others in your state to streamline your advocacy efforts. These events will be held on the second Thursday of each month and will feature special guests and cover various topics. Our next event will be held Thursday, August 11 at 6:30 pm. Please [request access]( for the free advocacy event series and links for the events will be emailed to you on the day of each event. We hope to see as many of you as possible on August 11th! We are gearing up for our biggest year yet - and we need your help. Big news: we are now a 501(c)3 non-profit organization! [DONATE HERE]( In 2020, we did a [cross-country trip with press conferences]( in Los Angeles, California, Little Rock, Arkansas, Charleston, South Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Nashville, Tennessee, Amarillo, Texas and Albuquerque, New Mexico. During the cross-country journey, we met with domestic violence advocates, law enforcement officers, district attorneys, attorneys and judges. The inaugural year efforts were widely embraced by advocacy groups across the country. In 2021, we asked and you answered loudly: with your help, we secured over [225 proclamations and resolutions]( declaring November as Family Court Awareness Month in cities, counties and states across the USA. ONE GOAL THIS YEAR: BILLBOARDS ACROSS THE US (LET'S RAISE AWARENESS IN YOUR COMMUNITY!) We want to know about your experience with [Linda J. Gottlieb]( of Turning Points (alienation quack-ery). There are reports that she physically assaulted a 13-year old girl at her reunification program. [Click here to share your experience](. About this campaign: We are pulling names from our database to feature -- you can add your family court professional by going to [intheirbestinterest.com]( and click, "submit." We want to know who IS and who IS NOT acting in their best interest? Let's have some FUN - let's find HUMOR in the Narcissist's emails! Communicating with the narcissist in a court-approved way is something that I pride myself on. I have learned a tremendous amount in the past decade and, when you are helping other people to navigate this, there are no personal triggers. It's easy to scrub it down and see it for what it is. Understanding the language of the narcissist is truly like learning a foreign language but to navigate the family court system from a place of strategy requires us to learn how to decode the emails so that the projection, deflection, blatant lies and twisted narratives are as clear as day. A huge turning point for me was scrubbing down the emails from my ex-husband and seeing them for what they were. I was also able to see how I had played right into his hands on so many occasions. There is humor in their pathetic rants, I promise! Interested in submitting an email to be decoded? Here's what you need to do: - Email the following to admin@onemomsbattle.com and in the subject line, write "Narc Decoder." - Short background (if needed) on the communication - The email or text (one paragraph or less) - Your attempt at "decoding" the email or text - Provide permission for us to use on social media: "I give my permission for One Mom's Battle to use this information on social media or in a blog and I confirm that I have changed names and details to protect the identities of all parties involved. I understand that edits may be made to the content." TOPIC THIS WEEK: What do you do when the legal team, including judges, lawyers and parenting coordinators, turn a blind eye to post separation abuse? Would you like to submit a question? Email admin@onemomsbattle.com and in the subject line, write "Coffee with Tina Question." Turn on your notifications to keep up to date on stories, posts and IG lives! Not able to join live, we will post the video on IG for you to watch later! [JOIN THE LEMONADE CLUB]( If you need help navigating a high conflict divorce or child custody battle, our coaches are trained by leading experts in psychology, law, trauma, advocacy and even risk assessment. If you are divorcing a narcissist, and needing a strategy partner, we can help. Find more info at [hcdivorcecoach.com/coach]( In an effort to raise awareness on post separation abuse, we have created a campaign using the words of the abuser. The abuser’s own words paint a picture that is undeniable yet the family court system continues to give the abuser the benefit of the doubt to the detriment of children. Each and every day, children are being sent into abusive situations because “parental rights” continue to trump children’s rights to safety. For each quote that we use, One Mom’s Battle will make a $10 donation to the National Family Violence Law Center at the George Washington University. To Participate: Send the post separation abuse words of your abuser to postseparationabuse@gmail.com Do you need a divorce coach? Divorce coaching is a relatively new profession however, clients and attorneys are finding that the divorce coach fills a void that existed in the past. [(CLICK HERE)]( Need an attorney or therapist? Friends of OMB is a database of professionals who have been recommended to us by OMB followers or clients. [(CLICK HERE)]( Following the OMB Blog? Stay "in the know" on topics related to family court, calls-to-action, narcissistic abuse and post separation abuse. [(CLICK HERE)]( "In Their Best Interest" Your voice matters and we invite you to tell us about family court professionals who are colluding or corrupt. [(CLICK HERE)]( Seeking a Safe Place? The Lemonade Club is a private forum where members are screened through an application and by phone. 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