Lemonade Wisdom 🍋: Flying Monkeys 🐒

What are your strategies to cope with them? FLYING MONKEYS Let’s discuss flying monkeys – it’s the topic of this week’s [Coffee with Tina on IG Live]( and I’d love to hear your strategies (which I may share on our live coffee date)! For those of us who have divorced a narcissist or ended a relationship with a narcissist, we are not just up against one toxic person but usually an entire family. Calling them “enablers” is letting them off too easy in my humble opinion. In many ways, and in my experience, I think they are often worse than the narcissist. My ex-husband is an incredibly broken person. His wiring leaves him incapable of doing the right thing or putting anyone's needs a head of his own. In counseling, I got to a place of compassion for the five-year-old child he once was – because no one would willingly choose the path he was on which is void of love, connection and authenticity. This is not mental illness which would bring with it hope for treatment or medication, this is a personality disorder which is untreatable. As a human being, I have compassion anyone who is dealt this card. His mother and his aunt, AKA his main “flying monkeys” are an entirely different story. These two women were not just enablers, they were calculated and vindictive. They knew what they were doing and their desire to bolster his narrative felt criminal at many junctures. The fact that they knew how sick he was and put his needs and delusional desires over my daughters’ safety and best interest is nothing short of evil. An excerpt from my revised book, [Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle]( On one of Seth’s nesting weekends with the girls, I was informed that he had put them to bed on Saturday night then sat in the backyard drinking for hours. The girls began jumping on beds and playing with no supervision until our tenant noticed and alerted Seth to what was happening. Our tenant was concerned enough to notify me that this situation was becoming an ongoing issue, and she was worried about the girls being left unattended while Seth was outside drowning his sorrows. I emailed Seth to make him aware this was unacceptable and unsafe. Things went from bad to worse when I realized the level of manipulation I was facing within Seth’s twisted family members. One afternoon I came across an email from his Aunt Lamia titled “The Recent Rant: A Response.” I clicked on the email and couldn’t believe what I was reading. Seth– I think you also need to specify in your comments back to Tina that you were not in fact “sitting outside drinking.” Here is my suggested version to spin back: Tina– What you are now so upset about is not based on facts. Sad that you are so quick to jump into another of your angry rants. What you do not know is, I read the girls stories for 30 min. … and tucked them in with goodnight kisses. They were drowsy and sleepy. I remained in the house after tucking them in until all was settled and quiet. I was cleaning the kitchen … after about 25 min. of quiet and a peek in their room I went out back to do some basic weeding and to water the plants. The weather is hot. I was simply doing a little toward maintaining the yard. As I watered the plants, I sipped on a single beer. I grow weary of your accusations and allegations based on what you wish to paint as a picture. The facts you choose to spin are false and mean-spirited. What you fail to appreciate … is that if I am out back … I do routinely check inside every 5-8 min. to listen for the girls. I did so on the night you are describing and all was quiet when I went inside to check. The girls were not bouncing on the beds when I checked on them. It is clear to me that you are angry and grasping at anything to try to paint some self-serving profile of me. Let us just concentrate on an appropriate, fair, and reasonable settlement. For the record, I am just as responsible, caring, and loving toward the girls as you are. Yet, you seem to be attempting to create a wedge and to paint me as being somehow neglectful. Your efforts to do so are very transparent. I am not in any way neglecting either of the girls’ care or their safety. So, could we please move on without your vindictive attitude? –Seth (Lamia) I felt nauseous as I read her fabricated rendition of the night in question. This was beyond lying; this was terrifying and in that instant, I saw a glimmer of what my custody battle would entail. At the same time Lamia was emailing Seth with her sociopathic strategies, she was emailing me her “heartfelt support” and claimed that she was praying for me with her rosary beads. ### These junctures were some of the most trying for me – and they paralyzed me with fear because their strategies actually worked in a court system that is overburdened and uneducated on these dynamics. I have always maintained that left to his own, Seth would have only lasted for a year or two. When bolstered and guided by highly skilled manipulators who sweep things under the rug and excel at impression management, it became an ultramarathon that I had not properly trained for. Flying monkeys are difficult to deal with under the best of circumstances, but during a child custody battle with a narcissist, it is extremely daunting to deal with these master manipulators. For me, it was very important to know my truth at such a core level that it became my unshakable foundation - they tried to shake my foundation many times and many times, they came very close however, my truth was rock solid. For them, it was about winning, and for me it was about protecting my daughters. They won many battles but ultimately, my victory was in winning the war which equated to protecting my daughters from this court system and from these toxic individuals. While I had not trained for this ultramarathon, I quickly learned to pace myself and once I found my groove, I realized that they had only trained for a 10k. My motivation was authentic, genuine, and it was sustainable. Theirs was not. Have you dealt with the narcissist’s flying monkeys during your custody battle and if so, what advice do you have for others? Thank you for being a part of my little village of lemonade makers and light seekers! With love, Tina Medium article by Custody Peace: This is all very intentional. Don’t believe it? Ask a Mom in Family Court. [Click to read]( [CLICK TO READ IMPORTANT UPDATES]( from our friends at NFVLC My daughters have a big announcement - they've created [affirmation cards]( but they also have a story they'd like to share: Hello! Our names are Makena and Kailani Swithin. Some may know us as “Piper” and “Sarah” from our mom’s books. When we were just 2 and 4 years old, our world turned upside-down as a result of our parents' difficult divorce. Many times during our dad’s parenting time, we found ourselves feeling unsafe and alone. We often clung to the things that made us feel more secure despite the environment we were in. One of these things was pink fireworks. One year on the Fourth of July, we were scheduled for a visit with our dad. We were sad that we couldn't spend the holiday with our mom. Before leaving for the weekend, our mom reassured us that whenever we saw pink fireworks, we could consider it a big hug from her. During the fireworks, we felt comforted every time we saw a burst of pink light up the sky. From that point on, pink fireworks became a meaningful symbol that reminded us of our mom’s love for us even when we weren’t with her. This was just one of many things that kept us feeling connected to our mom during some very difficult times. As young adults, we are now able to reflect back on our journey. Because of our own experiences, we have a deep understanding of how difficult these situations can be for children. It is our desire to help children feel seen, heard and to help them fill their toolboxes with some of the things that helped us along the way. We have been through a lot but we are grateful to have peaceful lives now. We live in San Luis Obispo, California with our mom, our dad (he adopted us), two dogs, a three-legged tortoise, two geckos and a fish. We have grown up a bit - [click to learn]( about who we are now. Love, Makena & Kailani We want to know about your experience with [Linda J. Gottlieb]( of Turning Points (alienation quack-ery). There are reports that she physically assaulted a 13-year old girl at her reunification program. [Click here to share your experience](. About this campaign: We are pulling names from our database to feature -- you can add your family court professional by going to [intheirbestinterest.com]( and click, "submit." We want to know who IS and who IS NOT acting in their best interest? "Lynn Steinburg took a child molester's word as fact - during an televised interview, Steinberg stated, "This father was being accused of sexually molesting and assaulting his daughter and I knew he had diabetes and couldn't get an erection." Journalist asked, "How do you know he couldn't get an erection?" Steinberg responded, "He told me." If your case has been affected by Lynn Steinberg, [let us know here](. About the "Tell Us More" campaign: We are pulling names from our database to feature -- you can add your family court professional by going to [intheirbestinterest.com]( and click, "submit." HOT OFF THE PRESS AND FEATURED IN USA TODAY [CLICK TO READ]( AND YAHOO NEWS! [Click here]( to purchase the newly updated version in paperback, Kindle or Audible. If you need help navigating a high conflict divorce or child custody battle, our coaches are trained by leading experts in psychology, law, trauma, advocacy and even risk assessment. If you are divorcing a narcissist, and needing a strategy partner, we can help. Find more info at [hcdivorcecoach.com/coach]( In an effort to raise awareness on post separation abuse, we have created a campaign using the words of the abuser. The abuser’s own words paint a picture that is undeniable yet the family court system continues to give the abuser the benefit of the doubt to the detriment of children. Each and every day, children are being sent into abusive situations because “parental rights” continue to trump children’s rights to safety. For each quote that we use, One Mom’s Battle will make a $10 donation to the National Family Violence Law Center at the George Washington University. To Participate: Send the post separation abuse words of your abuser to postseparationabuse@gmail.com Do you need a divorce coach? Divorce coaching is a relatively new profession however, clients and attorneys are finding that the divorce coach fills a void that existed in the past. [(CLICK HERE)]( Need an attorney or therapist? Friends of OMB is a database of professionals who have been recommended to us by OMB followers or clients. [(CLICK HERE)]( Following the OMB Blog? Stay "in the know" on topics related to family court, calls-to-action, narcissistic abuse and post separation abuse. [(CLICK HERE)]( "In Their Best Interest" Your voice matters and we invite you to tell us about family court professionals who are colluding or corrupt. [(CLICK HERE)]( Seeking a Safe Place? The Lemonade Club is a private forum where members are screened through an application and by phone. 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