Call Michael Scott...

 There’s a new paper kingpin in town. [The Hustle]( Thur, Jun 29 Staples presses the ‘Easy’ button Yesterday, Staples -- the ailing office supplies chain that offers a square mile of store space per customer -- agreed to a [$6.9B buyout]( offer from private equity firm Sycamore Partners. The deal comes at a time when retail companies are increasingly being steamrolled by online shopping. It also comes at a time when many traditional office supplies are being [replaced]( by apps and tech. So, why in the papercut-lovin’ hell is Sycamore interested? Retail’s had an apocalyptic year, folks Halfway through 2017, we‘ve already witnessed more [big bankruptcies]( than the entirety of last year, including the likes of Sports Authority, Payless, Wet Seal, and Gymboree. RadioShack, Macy’s, and Sears have announced hundreds of store closures. Staples is no exception. The company’s stock has tumbled down to around $9 per share, from $25 a decade ago. After its effort to [absorb Office Depot]( was blocked by regulators last spring, its stock fell an additional 18%. Luckily, private equity loves a good failure Sycamore, the firm buying Staples, is known in the industry as a something of a bottom-feeder. Its investments include Dollar Express, The Limited, and Hot Topic -- not exactly the creme de la creme of retail. In the past, Sycamore has been accused of investing in hurting chains like [Aeropostale]( then running them into bankruptcy to lower the buyout price. It’s a scheme known as “loan to own” Private equity firms like Sycamore like to buy out failing companies at “low” prices, then use their operational and financial leverage to bring them back to life. The profits can be massive -- the heads of private equity firms [earn 10x]( what the heads of big banks do. But fun bets for a private equity firm often result in catastrophe for the [workers]( at the companies they invest in. Oftentimes, these buyouts mean big job cuts, reorganization, and, not uncommonly, Chapter 11. [“Easy” isn’t always the best way out](  Feeling kinda blue Following Amazon’s landmark purchase of Whole Foods last week, Blue Apron announced a surprisingly optimistic IPO price. Now, 9 days later, the reality seems to have sunk in. In an updated filing yesterday, the meal kit company [drastically lowered]( its expected IPO price range to $10-11 per share for a total valuation of $1.9B -- about ⅓ lower than their previous $3.2B estimate. Cuts this large don’t happen everyday Since 2012, only [10% of U.S. IPOs]( (paywall) have lowered their ranges, typically due to extenuating circumstances (re: a $14B acquisition). Investors are reasonably concerned about their prospects of profitability. Blue Apron spent 25% of their Q1 revenue on marketing costs -- and building out the delivery infrastructure for fresh food hasn’t been cheap either. In contrast, the Whole Foods purchase gives Amazon a ready-made distribution network to expand their small meal-kit business, which currently delivers ingredients and recipes to customers in a handful of cities. (Not to mention, they have [Martha Stewart]( on their side.) As one portfolio manager put it: “It’s hard to see what the bull case is” Despite attempts at damage control, Blue Apron’s revised IPO offering [was reduced to only 1.6x]( their estimated 2017 revenue -- far lower that the typical 3.1x for an e-commerce company (but higher than the average 0.7x grocery players). So, if smaller players in the food delivery space (like Sun Basket, Green Chef, and Home Chef) were hoping this offering would pave the way for their own success, looks like they’re shiitake out of luck. [Out of the frying pan…](  Don’t write letters your lawyers can’t cash Huge companies send threatening letters to little guys every day in an attempt to intimidate them without actually having to press charges. But, when that little guy is a beloved internet sensation, you may get more backlash than you bargained for. In this case, that little guy is the beloved architecture critique blog, McMansion Hell, which was recently sent a [cease and desist letter]( by Zillow’s cadre of lawyers. Welcome to Hell The brainchild of 23-year-old Johns Hopkins architecture grad Kate Wagner, McMansion Hell pokes fun at “McMansions,” AKA the 4-car garage, multi-turreted monstrosities that started popping up in suburbs during the late ‘90s and early ‘00s. Typically, her posts feature images of said homes, sourced from real estate sites like Zillow. Unsurprisingly, the Z-dog was not happy about that: in a [letter]( to Wagner, they demanded the site be shut down on the grounds that it violates copyright and terms-of-service rules. Now, the internet has rallied around Wagner Electronic Frontier Foundation is representing Wagner [pro bono]( because, frankly, Zillow doesn’t seem to have a lawsuit to stand on. Not only do they not own the copyrights to the pictures Wagner is using (they’re taken from third parties), Wagner’s site likely falls within Fair Use laws for parody, which allows the use of copyrighted material for criticism and commentary. Since the outcry, Zillow has sent Wagner a more [softly-worded letter]( assuring her that they never intended to call for a McMansion Hell shutdown…but 2 wrong letters don’t make a right. [Little big for its bay windows, eh?](  The battle for fake meat market share The controversial food brand that introduced the world to eggless mayo is at it again: yesterday,[Hampton Creek]( announced its intentions to cultivate plant-based meat. Despite raising $120m in funding, the food tech company has been besieged by recent a string of bad press. Now, they hope their “meat” will elevate them out of dark times, into the echelons of “clean food” royalty. Hampton Creek blues HC got some pretty gnarly press this year after it was revealed that the company had [artificially boosted sales]( by asking employees to hit the aisles at Whole Foods and Safeway and buy as many of their products as possible. Questions have also been raised about the company’s scientific claims and research practices -- including a probe by the U.S. Egg Board over its mayo. The meat of the story The new meat product, out for release in 2018, will be harvested by feeding plant material to animal cells. But they’re going to face some competition: food science companies across the country are racing to engineer the most realistic fake meat product. [Memphis Meats]( founded in 2015, has raised $3m to “harvest animal cells and grow their meat in a petri dish.” Bill Gates-backed [Beyond Meat]( recently announced a rollout of its plant-based beef to 200 Safeway stores. And [Impossible Foods]( (inventor of the wildly popular plant burger that “bleeds”) is building a factory that will soon produce 12m lbs of burgers a year. [If it bleeds, it leads](   things you should... HOLD: Your oversized phone without dropping it, $35 Big phone screens are awesome for watching Netflix, not so much for holding. The original loopy cases have a finger holder so you can go lefty or righty easily -- without a kung fu vice grip. [NO BROKEN PHONE SCREENS →]( LISTEN: To vinyl quality music, $8.99 and up In an era of single-song streaming, vinyl is somehow doing the impossible: increasing in sales. 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