Could ‘Pig Royalty’ Be the New Kardashians?

Everything we can’t stop loving, hating, and thinking about this week in pop culture. [View in Browser]( [Subscribe]( [Image] with Kevin Fallon Everything we can’t stop loving, hating, and thinking about this week in pop culture. This Week: - My favorite new reality show. - The best TV opening scene I’ve seen...maybe ever? - Justice for Tinsley Mortimer. - A really pure, nice video to cleanse your life. - And Harry Styles to cleanse your libido. I Found the Next Kardashians in a Pig Pen When one reign is over, it’s only right for someone new to ascend the vacant throne. The [final season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians]( began Thursday, the kick-off to the end of an era and the unmistakable demarcation of a turning point in reality TV. The Kardashians spent [14 years transforming the genre](, pioneering the evolution of authenticity into branding, of social and digital influence into mainstream entertainment, and of how feminism, sexuality, agency, and power is interpreted in the celebrity world. In a genre that is defined by the chaos of life, they lassoed control. But as their swan-song season unfolds, their impact and legacies are adjudicated, and they plan their next moves, focus can shift to the new class of possible reality-TV royalty. Specifically, Pig Royalty. [Alternate text] Am I trolling by suggesting that the new Discovery+ series about competition pig showing in Texas might be the successor to one in which the only wrangling a family of millionaires in Calabasas has to do is of their glam squads? Of course. But that’s not to distract from the point that Pig Royalty, which premieres March 23 on both the streaming service and the Discovery Channel, is an addictive delight, and certainly a descendant of the kind of television that the Kardashians have wrought. There are also [elements of Toddlers & Tiaras]( (except, you know, in the context of showing pigs). You’d be hard-pressed not to draw comparisons to [Christopher Guest’s mockumentary]( Best in Show for its clear-eyed lens on a close-knit world that the rest of us might view as utterly absurd (except, you know, these are real people being filmed). And in the rivalries between the show’s two main competing families, there’s something Shakespearean… and Mean Girls-esque… and, when it comes to three catty sisters with their hair teased up to be closer to Jesus, yes, some definite Kardashian vibes, too. When I tell you that pig showing is an unfamiliar world, I mean that, for some of us, watching the series might be like being transported to Narnia. But Pig Royalty is self-aware of the ogling curiosity it invites. Unlike the aforementioned Toddlers & Tiaras, or Duck Dynasty, or Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, the show never debases itself to class tourism, where its stars become zoological exhibits whose ways of living and talking are offered up for viewers to judge or laugh at. Each subject in Pig Royalty is unapologetic about their chosen passion, wears their pig-showing skill with pride, and is dead serious about the work they devote, really, their entire lives to. More, they know you’ll think it’s strange—and they don’t really care. “The smell of pig shit is one of a kind,” Jody Rihn, matriarch of the Rihn family and owner of one of the show’s two main teams, narrates in the pilot. “It’s not like cow shit. It’s not like dog shit. It’s got it’s own distinct smell that is awful. I don’t care how many times you wash it, the smell doesn’t go away. But it smells like money to us.” There is no preparing you for the sight of a swarm of kids barely bigger than the pigs they’re chasing around the muddy competition pen, batting them with little riding whips to steer them past a judge whom they MUST make unsettling, direct eye contact with. There is also no preparing you for how lucrative this—to the outside—bizarre sport is. There are tens of thousands of dollars at stake in each competition. One of the Rihn girls made $30,000 her senior year of high school from showing pigs, which she put toward college. McKayla Balero, of the rival Balero family, earned $65,000. Suddenly, the high stakes make sense. There’s a cattiness between the families. The Rihns compare themselves to Walgreens while calling the Baleros Sephora. They mock the Balero sisters—McKayla, McKenzie, and McCall—for their insistence on full-glam makeup and hair for their bouts in the pig pens, nicknaming them “The Blingy Girls.” In response, the Baleros are unbothered. “People thought we were bitches,” one sister says. The other shrugs: “We’re not very nice people.” Their track record speaks for itself, they argue. As does their diligence. You see, pig showing is arduous work. You shovel shit. You walk your pigs constantly. You train like an athlete. You study the judges and game the system. Oh yes, there are whispers of “juicing” pig feed to gain advantage. One of the Balero sisters is accused of sleeping with a judge. The families’ respective matriarchs gossip about each other like they’re on Real Housewives… which they essentially are. The Real Housewives of Pig Showing. But what the show also owes the Kardashians is the strength of the family bond that pulses through the series. These are people who have likely been schooled on decades of reality TV, and they know how to give a good sound bite and drum up drama and scandal. But they also form a heartwarming, uniting front against the pressures of a surprisingly high-octane world. [Sooie](, bring on the pig drama. Will You Like This New Marvel Show If You Don’t Like Marvel? When [Marvel’s WandaVision]( premiered on Disney+ this winter, I wouldn’t shut up about my surprise that, given how exhausted and bored I’ve generally become by the constant onslaught—and snoozy sameness—of the Marvel output, [I freaking loved it](. Add Kathryn Hahn to the mix as a nosy neighbor turned maniacal witch? Iconic! I wouldn’t shut up about it. Yet especially as the [last two WandaVision episodes]( reverted to the Marvel formula of naptime exposition breaks and endless sequences of cartoon blurs flying around the sky in battle, I wondered what this week’s next big Disney+ Marvel series would bring. [Alternate text] Having now seen the [The Falcon and the Winter Soldier’s premiere episode]( (and nothing more; in a rare, annoying move, critics were only given one episode to judge from), I can say that it does not tickle the same intriguing “what is this weird, stylish experiment I’m watching and, ahhh omg it’s Kathryn Hahn!” strings that swayed Marvel haters to become WandaVision fans. There is far more “what you need to know before watching The Falcon and the Winter Soldier” research to be done before watching than there was for WandaVision. In some respects, that is perfectly fine! This is a story that is part of a long arc of interconnected narratives, and should serve its biggest fans. But at the same time, the (very slow) detours into the backstories of perennial second bananas Sam Wilson (Anthony Mackie) and Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan), are more superficial than intriguing, making the episode’s leisurely plotting seem more lazy than ambitious. The same cannot be said, however, for the spectacular opening scene, a thrilling sequence that offers enough dazzle to win over most viewers to a second episode. Whatever else there is to say about the premiere, it is one of the most exciting action sequences I’ve ever seen in a TV show. I don’t know what the hell is going on or why he’s doing it (see above Marvel ignorance), but Falcon leaps out of a plane and zooms through the air to another one in order to rescue an American soldier from some bad guys. While the bad guys don’t have his falcon technology, they do have those flying squirrel outfits that those deranged base jumpers wear in those viral videos that horrify me. They lead Falcon on an intense cat-and-mouse chase through the sky (!!!), leaping from one exploding aircraft to another. The thing about it is how realistic it looks, rare in the Marvel universe for resembling practical stunts and special effects more than bland CGI, which strips the stakes out of so many of the cinematic universe’s battle scenes. And again… in the sky! The real sky! The show’s rumored [$25 million an episode budget]( renders it among the [most expensive TV series in history](. I’d venture the highest compliment to pay the show is that, at least when it comes to that spectacular opening scene, it’s the rare case of money well spent. The Traumatizing “Celebrity” Break-Up of the Week I am on record saying [we shouldn’t care about celebrity breakups](, and yet I am literally ON RECORD caring [so very much about them](, constantly. So after we get it out of the way that I am a hypocrite who is delusional about his own taste level and sense of dignity, I can express my raw emotion over the recent break up of two people for whom the word “celebrity” may be too generous a term. Which is to say that, after scrolling past a People magazine tweet that former socialite and Real Housewives of New York City star [Tinsley Mortimer was “blindsided”]( when fiancé Scott Whatshisname ended their engagement, I yelped into my silent apartment, “Tinsley! Oh no!!!”—likely startling my plants who haven’t heard a human sound in at least three days. If you watched Mortimer’s farewell to Real Housewives, it was framed as Cinderella riding off to her happily ever after, the ultimate redemption after being treated so cruelly by her cast mates for her pursuit of love. Not this!!! All I can say is that Bravo should bring Tinsley back to RHONY on a golden chariot, leading a triumphant parade so loud you can’t hear Ramona saying, “I told ya so.” The Sweetest Video You’ll Watch This Week Tiffany Haddish was in the middle of taping a new episode of Kids Say the Darndest Things when, during the Grammys pre-show, it was announced that she won Best Comedy Album for Black Mitzvah, making her the first Black woman to win the category since Whoopi Goldberg in 1986. [Alternate text] A producer notified her that she had just won a Grammy through her earpiece, rattling her as she was overcome with emotion, but was also wrangling two young girls on set who had no idea what was going on. “I just wanted to cry but I knew it would have confused the babies,” she said [in an Instagram post](. “So I decided to use that moment to teach and share my feelings.” In what’s been a horrifying and dark week, it’s such a pure, emotional, nice moment. I encourage you to [watch the video here](. Harry Styles. I Don’t Know What to Say. If I could properly put into words how and why this photo of Harry Styles at the Grammys is the most attractive thing I have ever seen in my life, I would. But when words fail, here is a photo of Harry Styles at the Grammys looking like the most attractive thing I have ever seen in my life. [Alternate text] [Alternate text] - Genius: Aretha: Cynthia Erivo as Aretha Franklin is exactly as good as that sounds. (Sunday on National Geographic) - Pig Royalty: Who knew the new Kardashians were lurking in the world of pig showing? (Tuesday on Discovery+) - Demi Lovato: Dancing With the Devil: I don’t think I’ve ever seen a celebrity be this frank about addiction. (Tuesday on YouTube) [Alternate text] - City of Lies: Yes, apparently there is a new Johnny Depp movie. No, apparently it is not good. (Friday on VOD) - The Snyder Cut: Who is forcing you to watch this??? 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