The Straight Dope: What’s worse for your health, bacon or cigarettes?

[Send questions for Cecil Adams: cecil@straightdope.com](mailto:cecil@straightdope.com) FOLLOW CECIL ADAMS ON [TWITTER]( AND [FACEBOOK](! [dope_110909_baconvsmoking.gif] THREADSPOTTING: THE BEST OF THE STRAIGHT DOPE MESSAGE BOARD — 05/03/2019 To Russia with love. And a 4 x 4. [Click here]( for more. STRAIGHT DOPE CLASSIC #1 09/09/2011 Dear Cecil: I need help putting to rest a rumor floating around the social networking world that bacon is just as dangerous to your health as cigarettes. Obviously nobody eats bacon at the rate of a pack a day like people do with cigarettes, because it's not addictive, but I bet it doesn't stop there. Please give me some ammunition! — Jonathan Cecil replies: Yeah, it’s not fair. Nobody’s claiming bacon is health food, but compared to smoking cigarettes, the Class X felony of bad habits, surely eating some fried pig fat is on a par with jaywalking. However, we don’t want feelings, we want facts. [Click here]( for more. STRAIGHT DOPE STAFF REPORT — 04/28/2009 Dear Straight Dope: I've been around for not quite 26 years, so my experience may be limited, but for as long as I can remember, daytime commercials have been trying to sell me junk I don't want/need for only $19.95. But wait! There's more! Act now, and we'll throw in a second set of automatic squash racket slicers and disposable freezer basters absolutely free — a $50 value, all yours for only $19.95. So my question: How exactly is it that they can afford to sell all these expensive things for so cheap, or can they even? Is someone lying here, and it's not really a $50 value? Why does the stuff always cost $19.95? Why can't I find these things on store shelves? Can you please help me unravel the mystery of these commercials? — Ryan, Austin, Texas SDStaff MsRobyn replies: Ryan, you’re in luck, as this is a subject that’s much on my mind. I’m in between jobs right now, so I’ve got lots of time during the day to watch TV. I’m not sure which is worse — the commercials or the programs in between. I will say that Billy Mays’s voice haunts my dreams, and if I hear one more bad joke from the ShamWow guy, I’ll shoot my TV screen. Now I know what set Elvis off. [Click here]( for more. STRAIGHT DOPE CLASSIC #2 — 01/12/1996 Dear Cecil: First, an (elderly) joke. A Harvard man and a Yale man are at the urinal. They finish and zip up. The Harvard man proceeds to the sink to wash his hands, while the Yale man immediately makes for the exit. The Harvard man says, "At Hah-vahd they teach us to wash our hands after we urinate." The Yale man replies, "At Yale they teach us not to piss on our hands." My question: why is it customary for males to wash their hands after urination? I never do, which shocks and disgusts some of my guy friends. I bathe daily and wear fresh underpants, so how does my penis get dirty? It's not like I dig a ditch with it. However, my hands might get dirty from daily activities. Is it not more sensible then to wash my hands before touching my clean penis? Is posturination hand washing a throwback to the bad old days, when sex was "dirty" and so, by extension, were sex organs? I'm serious about this. Please advise. — Tom Sharpley, Los Angeles Cecil replies: Good (if elderly) joke. Common (but stupid) attitude. Rank (but important) topic. Some facts: The purpose of washing is not to get pee off your hands. No amount of washing will make you clean. You have to do it anyway. [Click here]( for more. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [View this message as a webpage](. All trademarks are the property of their respective owners. To advertise on The Straight Dope, contact Rich Hummel at rhummel@suntimes.com [Privacy Policy/Terms of Use]( • [Unsubscribe]( © 2019 Straight Dope, LLC. 30 N Racine Ave. Suite 300, Chicago, IL 60607