Apparently, I'm on a new self-care journey ð  â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
You're subscribed to SELFISH FOREVER with Ash Ambirge, a spunky column about how to live & work from anywhere and enjoy your life againâ
â --------------------------------------------------------------- â 15 Reasons Why You Should Move to a Small Town (Hint: It's The New Self Care) Looking for a change?
Small town life might be just the ticket.
(And yes, I may have very well lost my sh*t.) â â
Iâm spending the summer in my hometown, and there are THINGS I AM LEARNING. You know, like how to drive a four-wheeler. And how to throw an axe. And how to do shots of Crown Apple. (Basically things I learned growing up, but had long since forgottenâespecially when it comes to to shots. Here I am, wanting to sip whisky in a glass with a touch of water, and here they are, telling me to go f*ck myself. I LOVE IT.) But, you know what Iâm really learning? How to get back to the basicsâand love your life again. I have been preaching the shiiiiiiiit out of this all year, which is why I called this column âSelfish Foreverâ: itâs about doing what YOU want and needâregardless of the pressure to be fancy, moneyed YouTube stars who live in mansionsâand learn how to find happiness in simplicity again. Cabin in the woods? Check.
Quiet time reading? Check.
Long mornings writing? Check.
Fresh string beans from the garden? Check. These are all signs of what I call Selfish Wealth: when you finally realize whatâs important and start building these types of assets. For too long, weâve only focused on money as the primary metric for success, but what if you could make a generous $250,000+ incomeâ¦.and also have plenty of time left over for pleasure? THAT IS THE GOAL OF EVERYTHING HERE AT SELFISH. Because, yeah, you can start an online business. Yeah, you can start selling your services. Yeah, you can start building an app. Yeah, you can start any number of things to make yourself financially successful. We have been doing that for over a decade now. When I got into this space in 2009, the idea of making money on the internet was a novel one. But now, you know whatâs novel??? The idea that you can get off the internet sometimes, too. To remember what life is all aboutânot just life behind a screen, but life out in the grass, in your bare feet, picking some fucking wildflowers like a motherfucking gangster. Alas, thatâs why I decided to spend the summer in the place where I grew up: a place full of meadows and fields, cows and barns, hemlocks and pines, trout and minnows. I wanted to REALLY lean into this idea; see how it felt; look at life from the other side. And, Iâll tell you what: itâs one of the best decisions Iâve made for myself in a long time. (In fact, Iâm even purchasing a gorgeous historic 1873 property here, set on 5 acres of land with a guest house and a barnâmore on that SOON!!!! ð¡) So, I thought Iâd share some of the lessons Iâm learning on this journey, as I work to re-wild myselfâand prioritize the things I want to prioritize in life (like how to use a drill ð). BEHOLD: fifteen things Iâve learned since spending the summer in my tiny-ass hometown: â
- Rolling down grassy hills in the middle of the day is an excellent use of time.
Cue: me, racing my best friendâs kid to the bottom, and showing absolutely NO MERCY. â¬ï¸ Thought I'd obviously lead with the most important stuff first. ð
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- Showing up and doing an honest dayâs work every day is better than bullshitting your way through a 4-hour work week.
Enough trying to hack your way to happiness. Why not simply pick something that makes you happy, and just work hard at it? Go ahead: PICK SOMETHING FUN. Pick something you enjoy. Thatâs what life is about: not being a prestigious asshole, but being a happy one. THE MONEY COMES WHEN YOU COME. Oh god, what did I just do there??? See, Iâm spending too much time here already. But, maybe thereâs something to that: fulfillment comes from doing things that fulfill you. Yup, thatâs the PG version, and Iâm sticking to it. But, seriously: can we stop making decisions based on what our ego wants, and start making them based on what our hearts do??? You can sell accounting services online, or you can sell your grandmotherâs favorite baking recipes: both will bring you money, but only one will bring you joy. BE SELFISH WITH YOUR JOY.
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- You can build a business with a mouth. You can build a fortune with a hundred mouths.
The way business is done here is simple: you ask the bartender if they know anybody who cuts down trees, and the bartender gives you their brother-in-lawâs phone number. I call this âThe Trust Economyââand believe it or not, it works the same way onlineâ¦but on a much bigger scale. The trick, however, is this: becoming the tree guy. Can people automatically connect your name to a need? Most people suffer with marketing because they arenât clear enough about what THEIR THING isâand that means that other people arenât clear, either. But, when you become âthe tree guy,â anytime anyone mentions trees, you get your marketing done for free. This is different than being in âlandscapingââwhich, while sounding all professional, actually makes you a dime-a-dozen. ð¤·ââï¸
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- Knowing people feels goodâand, itâs not just in your head.
Thereâs comfort in connection. You can spend a lifetime online being connected, and never once feel connected. (The majority of people online.) Or, you can walk into a hardware store in the middle of town, stop and chat with three of your neighbors, and suddenly feel like you belong. These are two very different contexts, and yet, only one of them is making teens commit suicide. ð§ WOW, THAT GOT DARK FAST, butâ¦umâ¦considering that the research shows that loneliness & social isolation causes [premature death](âand literally rivals the risks of smoking & obesityâwe should probably rethink the ways weâre spending our time. Remember when people actually called one another? WILD.
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- Doing good deeds is different than doing good work.â
Most of us hate peopleâhahahahaha???âbecause most of us in this space are constantly being sucked dry: the people who want to pick your brain, the people who want to benefit from your audience, the people who want to piggyback off of your name. Thatâs kind of how internet culture evolvedâthe people who do the best work get thrust into the spotlight. As a result, a lot of us got âpeople fatigueâ: another email, another DM, another request on our time. But, thatâs because itâs all happening in a professional contextâand sometimes, mental work is an invisible labor that isnât always appreciated for what it costs the giver. (Hint: itâs mentally taxing AF.) But on the other hand, when you show up to help your neighbor move a bureau??? Itâs entirely refreshing! You feel connected to people again! Itâs human! Itâs neighborly! You donât actually mind! In fact, youâll even bring iced tea. And thatâs because there is a difference between workâ¦and life. I DONâT KNOW IF WE FIGURED THAT OUT YET. But, yeah, we donât actually want to work all the time. So when all of the requests on our time are constantly work-related??? We push back. Because weâd rather go help the neighbor push a bureau instead. Yes, doing good deeds is different than doing good work, and sometimes? We gotta remember that weâre humans, not machines.
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- Garage beers taste betterâFACT.
How has this escaped me for so long???????? Iâve been in the culture of wine bars / cocktail bars / London rooftop bars for so long, I forgot how nice it is to just have a cold beer in a garage, without spending $3,000 an evening. People around here hang out at each otherâs houses way more than people in the city ever do, and at first I dreaded this (who wants to go to someoneâs HOUSE?????) but now I am a professional. âLetâs take the 4-wheelers over!â I chant. And to be honest? The connections you make when youâre sitting around a campfire talking about childhood memories are stronger than the ones you do when youâre trying to impress some boob in a suitâand I donât care how much caviar is involved.
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- The best businesses solve real problems.
People will give you money if you can help them solve an immediate need. This is different than helping them to self-actualize over the long-termâwhich is what most online businesses tend to be about. (âEmpower yourself! Change your mindset! Clear your energy!â) Thereâs a space for both in this world, but sometimes, not everything you do needs to turn you into Brené Brown with lipstick. Sometimes, the easiest and clearest path forward is by simply asking: whatâs a immediate need that people have, and how can I solve it for them? âIâll get you one new client a weekâ is very different from âIâll help you align your soul.â
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- Being worldly doesnât make you classy. Being classy does.
Something Iâve noticed: some of the quietest, least cosmopolitan people I know are more classy than some of the most visible, âsuccessfulâ people I know. Itâs entirely possible to know which fork to use and still be a classless jackoff. Perhaps thatâs because class doesnât come from money: it comes from consideration. Itâs about making others feel comfortable in social settings, regardless of what theyâre wearing, who they know, and what they do for work. Thatâs classyâand, ironically, itâs something that many small-town folks get right over their cosmopolitan counterparts.
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- Enthusiasm is a superpower.
You find your enthusiasm in small towns because youâre allowed to be guileless. You donât have to put on any airs; donât have to walk into the place like youâre the most important person in the room. Instead, you can marvel at the world without worrying that the world will think you stupid for it. And, what a freedom that is, to be able to be yourself. Itâs one of the most refreshing things about small-town life, Iâve discovered: the ability to just be you.
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- Acknowledging others is one of the most human things we know how to do.
THIS IS RANDOM but itâs a small joy that you wonât understand unless youâve been in a small town and experienced it, and thatâs THE CAR WAVE. I drive by this one house every day on a dirt road, and me and this woman wave at each other every single day, and every single day I feel a little closer toâ¦god? EW, DID I JUST SAY THAT? I DID. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. IâM GETTING OLD. But really: everyone waves, and everyone acknowledges one another, because thatâs whatâs called a community. And itâs something I havenât really experienced in a very long time.
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- Being a member of a community keeps you in integrity.
Speaking of community! Something thatâs striking here: you are more mindful about what you say and what you do, because youâve got a reputation to keepâand you will bump into the same people over and over againâ¦in person (gasp!). And that means one thing: you must act with integrity, because your delicate social fabric depends on it. While some people may call this âfake,â I call this âsociety.â And maybe the internet would do well if we had a little more of it.
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- Exposure shapes norms.
What you see around you is what becomes your truth. Humans are a collective; we look to others to gain insight into the world, and to help us fill in the gaps in our own experience. When the people around you are all filling in the gap with the same informationââvote this way!â, for exampleâit becomes easy to believe that this is the right way. Unfortunately, âpopularâ doesnât always mean ârightââ¦but, maybe thatâs the point. What is ârightâ is a construct, and it all comes down to what we see around usâthatâs what feels right. Exposure, therefore, is one of the most important tools we haveâand I think itâs one of the most underrated ways we have to change the world.
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- This world really is a different one.
Iâm friends with a guy who has never had an avocado. Nor a mango. Nor a bite of goat cheese. Never had a crabcake. Never ate burrata. Never paired a steak with wine. This tells me something important: small-town living really is different from big-city life. These are two very different worlds. And, that means that if you want to start having conversations about the things that matter? Youâve got to learn how to speak the right language. After all: you canât sell someone an avocado if they donât want one.
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- There is strength in being witnessed.
You can do it all in a vacuum from behind a screen: build a business, build a following, write your email list. And sure, those are people there, seeing you, reading you, hearing your ideas. But what theyâre getting is âpresentation modeââthe writing youâve edited, the parts youâve polished, the photos youâve tweaked. While that type of curation is necessaryâitâs a part of the creative processâit also can leave you feeling one-dimensional. As humans, we need other people to witness us: the good and the bad, the perfect and the ugly. We need other people to witness our whole selves; we need people to come with us on our journey, and really know who we are. Otherwise, you can end up feeling like a caricature of yourself: a hollow, superficial stuntman whose life is nothing but a mere advertisement. And, I can think of no sadder outcome for a person who really fucking tried. (Which is all of us, by the way.)
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- Simple pleasures are just as transformative as extravagant experiencesâso long as you remember how to enjoy them.
I keep going back to this more than anything right now: the power of a dandelion, a blade of grass, a crisp breeze. We have forgotten how necessary these things are, and how important they are to our quality of life. We have forgotten about the very things that are right outside our own window. When you see something long enough, it becomes invisibleâbut, one of the best things you can do for yourself? Is to remember how to see. And sometimes, being in a small town does exactly that: gives you a more intimate lens with which to see the world around you. And to remind yourself thatâno matter how overwhelming your world has gotten? Thereâs a gentle one waiting for you right here. â â â How to live & work from anywhere in the world
and enjoy your life again â WITH ASH AMBIRGE + Sweary outbursts
+ Unpopular opinions about crustaceans
+ New ideas about ways to earn a living that don't require you to be a sucker
+ How to actually enjoy your life while working less and visiting Ireland more
+ A real zest for extreme pearl wearing
+ Favoritism for bars with scary-ass mafia pool rules
(MY QUARTERS WERE THERE, SON)
+ Zero ambition to be a good girl who bakes casseroles & smiles politely
+ BUT ALSO: a creepy affection for small-town Main Streets & freshly-mowed lawns
+ Currently searching for the most livable places in the world (and looking through people's windows)
+ Unbridled enthusiasm for storage units and guys named Bob
+ Deep fear of waking up and not having any water on the nightstand
+ Entirely unbalanced accounts of everything, including my morals
+ At least three Freudian slips around my true feelings about bracelets
(They make your arms look like baby wiener sausages at an Italian wedding) P.S. Have you read [my book on living & working differently]() yet?
It's a real blast to have on the coffee table when the in-laws come over.
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