SelfGrowth.com: How Not to Fight, and Six Rules to Simplify Negotiations

 [SelfGrowth.com]  Self Improvement Newsletter Improve Your Life Today!  11/7/16 issue: How Not to Fight, and Six Rules to Simplify Negotiations Email for: {EMAIL} * Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter * Issue #944, Week of November 7-November 8, 2016 Publisher: David Riklan - [] In this issue: -- Quotes of the Week -- Article: How Not to Fight: Myths about Fighting In Relationships (And What to Do about Them) - By Tina Tessina -- Article: Simplify Negotiations With The Six Rules Of Effective Communication - By John Patrick Dolan -- Book Review: The Art of Happiness, 10th Anniversary Edition: A Handbook for Living - by Dalai Lama -- How to Advertise in the Self Improvement Newsletter -- How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter ------------------------------------------------------------ *** Quotes of the Week *** ------------------------------------------------------------ Success is more a function of consistent common sense than it is of genius. - An Wang, 1920-1990 The chances are that you have already come to believe that happiness is unattainable. But men have attained it. And they have attained it by realizing that happiness does not spring from the procuring of physical or mental pleasure, but from the development of reason and the adjustment of conduct to principles. - Arnold Bennett, 1867-1931 Not to dream boldly may turn out to be simply irresponsible. - George Leonard, 1923-2010 ------------------------------------------------------------ *** ARTICLE: How Not to Fight: Myths about Fighting In Relationships (And What to Do about Them) - By Tina Tessina *** ------------------------------------------------------------ In my counseling practice, couples are often surprised to learn they can communicate and solve problems effectively without fighting; but sometimes you may find it’s not so easy to give up your struggles. You may have trouble letting go of the fighting habit because of two factors: social expectations (expectations the people around you have about marriage) and myths (common beliefs not based on fact.) Myths and Expectations about Fighting There are many myths and expectations about fighting in marriage. Couples come into my office frequently believing that fighting is a necessary part of being a couple; that all married couples fight; and it’s a normal part of marriage. But the fact is that fighting accomplishes nothing, and it isn’t necessary for couples to argue, to yell, or to have heated discussions to get problems solved. Hanging on to these ideas makes it difficult to let go of fighting. Some of the most prevalent myths about fighting are: Myth #1: Fighting clears the air, and brings out the truth. Fighting is not necessary to “clear the air.” Getting heated up does not make you tell truths you wouldn’t tell otherwise. What happens when couples fight and get emotional is that both parties say things they don’t mean, or say them in much nastier ways than is really true. It is possible to discuss anything that is or is not happening between you in a calm and logical manner that will lead to more truth telling and air clearing than fighting and arguing will ever accomplish. ** To read the full article, [go here.] ------------------------------------------------------------ *** ARTICLE: Simplify Negotiations With The Six Rules Of Effective Communication - By John Patrick Dolan *** ------------------------------------------------------------ To negotiate effectively, you must be able to communicate effectively. Unfortunately, most salespeople and businesspeople don’t realize the importance of solid communication skills to the negotiation process. As a result, they lose sales or don’t get the best possible deal. However, as a salesperson, you are not doomed to the mixed messages and meanings characteristic of poor communication skills. With a conscious effort, all business and sales professionals can overcome the communication barriers that block understanding in negotiation. With a little extra effort, you can improve the delivery of your message to your counterparts and work together toward a mutually beneficial agreement. Use the following six rules for effective communication to connect with others at the negotiating table and in all forms of communication: Rule 1: Organize Your Thoughts Throughout the negotiation process, always allow yourself time to organize your thoughts to avoid conveying the wrong message or confusing the issues. Before you start the negotiation process, and even after it starts, take notes and plan what you’re going to say. To help you express your thoughts clearly when the negotiations begin, outline in advance the main points you want to cover. Planning the gist of what you’re going to say is the most effective way to avoid sending mixed messages, but don’t stop with that. As the negotiations commence, continue to take notes and plan your responses as you go through the entire process. And remember, no law exists that says every statement must be met with a response within five seconds. Take your time. In fact, silence can be one of your most powerful negotiating tools. Stop talking whenever you feel like you need to reorganize yourself and before you respond to anything that’s said. And make sure everything you say reflects the true meaning of your thoughts. This tactic not only helps you organize what you’re going to say, but it also helps you digest what your counterpart proposes. ** To read the full article, [go here.] ------------------------------------------------------------ *** BOOK REVIEW: The Art of Happiness, 10th Anniversary Edition: A Handbook for Living - by Dalai Lama *** ------------------------------------------------------------ Nearly every time you see him, he's laughing, or at least smiling. And he makes everyone else around him feel like smiling. He's the Dalai Lama, the spiritual and temporal leader of Tibet, a Nobel Prize winner, and a hugely sought-after speaker and statesman. Why is he so popular? Even after spending only a few minutes in his presence you can't help feeling happier. If you ask him if he's happy, even though he's suffered the loss of his country, the Dalai Lama will give you an unconditional yes. What's more, he'll tell you that happiness is the purpose of life, and that the very motion of our life is toward happiness. How to get there has always been the question. He's tried to answer it before, but he's never had the help of a psychiatrist to get the message across in a context we can easily understand. The Art of Happiness is the book that started the genre of happiness books, and it remains the cornerstone of the field of positive psychology. Through conversations, stories, and meditations, the Dalai Lama shows us how to defeat day-to-day anxiety, insecurity, anger, and discouragement. Together with Dr. Howard Cutler, he explores many facets of everyday life, including relationships, loss, and the pursuit of wealth, to illustrate how to ride through life's obstacles on a deep and abiding source of inner peace. Based on 2,500 years of Buddhist meditations mixed with a healthy dose of common sense, The Art of Happiness is a book that crosses the boundaries of traditions to help readers with difficulties common to all human beings. After being in print for ten years, this book has touched countless lives and uplifted spirits around the world. ***** The list price of this book is $27.00. To purchase it from Amazon.com at a price of $18.94, a 30% discount, [go here.]  ============================================= *** How to Advertise in the Self Improvement Newsletter *** To advertise your website or product to our Self Improvement Newsletter audience, go to [ To submit articles or other information, please send us an email at [editors@selfgrowth.com], or visit our Article Submission form at [   --------------------------------------------------- *** How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter*** --------------------------------------------------- To subscribe to our newsletter, please go to our Subscriptions Page at [ To unsubscribe or update your information, go here: [Manage Preferences] Copyright (C) 2016 by Self Improvement Online, Inc. Permission is granted to reproduce or distribute this newsletter only in its entirety and provided copyright is acknowledged. 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