SelfGrowth.com: 3 Tips to End Arguments & 10 Relationship Don’ts

 [SelfGrowth.com]  Self Improvement Newsletter Improve Your Life Today!  7/11/16 issue:  3 Tips to End Arguments & 10 Relationship Don’ts Email for: {EMAIL} * Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter * Issue #930, Week of July 11-12, 2016 Publisher: David Riklan - [] In this issue: -- Quotes of the Week -- Article: 3 Tips for Successfully Ending an Argument - By Yvonne and George Levy -- Article: 10 Relationship Don'ts - By James LeGrand -- Book Review: Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance – By Angela Duckworth -- How to Advertise in the Self Improvement Newsletter -- How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter ------------------------------------------------------------ *** Quotes of the Week *** ------------------------------------------------------------ “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” - Thomas Jefferson, 1743-1826 “Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure.” - Karl Menninger, 1893-1990 “A strong imagination begetteth opportunity.” - Michel de Montaigne, 1533-1592 ------------------------------------------------------------ *** ARTICLE: 3 Tips for Successfully Ending an Argument - By Yvonne and George Levy *** ------------------------------------------------------------ Let’s face it: Given enough time, arguments are an inevitable part of every single relationship – even the happiest ones. We All Argue It doesn’t matter how great your marriage relationship is or how happily married you are, it is practically guaranteed that, at some point, you and your spouse will argue over something. There are perhaps as many things to argue about as there are stars in the universe. And just like the stars, some arguments can be small and dull, and others can be bigger and more… explosive. One disclaimer before we continue: There are some situations, such as those involving domestic violence, drug or alcohol abuse, that without question require more attention and even professional help. We are not referring to such arguments and situations over here. We are referring exclusively to the common, everyday situations that may spark an argument in a healthy marriage, such as dealing with housework, finances, leisure time, intimacy, etc. Handling Disagreements Productively Having made clear that we are not referring to violent situations or extreme cases, here are 3 tips that you can apply next time you and your spouse start to bicker about something: 1. Ask yourself: “Is this really worth arguing over?” For example – is it really crucial that your spouse places the dirty laundry inside the color-coded laundry hampers that you use to separate different laundry loads? Is it absolutely necessary that your spouse attends the parent-teacher meeting when you both know your child is doing great in school and you’ll only get positive feedback? Does the fact that your spouse spent an extra $5 on the brand-name product instead of the generic brand really make a major impact in the family budget? The thing is… Sometimes arguing is far more trouble than it’s worth. When you are facing this type of situation, try to solve it with a more calm, civilized approach: conversation. Without raising your voice or getting angry over it, explain to your spouse why you dislike a particular behavior, action or situation. Sometimes your spouse simply doesn’t realize how important such thing is for you. For example, instead of yelling out “you put your stupid red shirt in the white hamper again!” try the following: “When doing laundry I separate whites from colors to prevent clothes from getting ruined. It makes life a lot easier for me when you put your red shirt in the color hamper ‘cause I don’t have to spend extra time sorting it before loading the washer.” 2. Try the big “C”… For Compromise! Back in the days when you were single, it was very likely that most, if not all, the time, you got to do things your way. However, continuing this lifestyle once you have tied the knot can bring a lot of friction within the marriage, and, in extreme cases, even lead to divorce. Part of the joy of marriage comes from sharing your life with your spouse. And unless you have married a clone of yourself (which would be terribly boring anyway,) this will very likely require mutual compromise in certain situations. To avoid conflict, start by having a conversation with your spouse about the things that you each enjoy. And once you find out, don’t try to change them! Do not expect your sports-loving spouse to take you to the one-day shoe sale on the day of a big game. And don’t tell your spouse that the new Jennifer Aniston movie is stupid, cheesy and “not worth a trip to the big screen” when you know she loves romantic comedies. The key here is for both of you to do the best to “meet in the middle” instead of dealing with the situation like cats and dogs. Maybe you can let your spouse watch the game while you go shoe shopping with your sister. Or maybe this time you’ll watch the romantic comedy at the movies and promise that the next time you’ll see an action flick that your spouse will enjoy. It’s as easy and simple as that. ** To read the full article, [go here.] ------------------------------------------------------------ *** ARTICLE: 10 Relationship Don'ts - By James LeGrand *** ------------------------------------------------------------ Are you currently doing things that may be negatively affecting your love relationship? We don’t always understand the impact of the things we do or say until it’s too late. It’s important to avoid the things that inadvertently hurt or push our partner away. Here are 10 things you should never do in a love relationship…ever! 1. Don’t stop falling in love over and over again Successful couples continually fall in love with each other. They find new reasons to be in love with their partner and don’t let the petty day-to-day things ruin those feelings. Love doesn’t have to die after commitment. In fact, it should grow to ever increasing heights. So, feel free to fall in love all over again….and again…and again. 2. Don’t value being right over being loving Too many of us want to be right more than we want to be loving. We choose winning an argument over continually winning the heart of our loved one. When you have to be right, you are simultaneously making your partner wrong. Don’t engage in these 1 or the other conversations. Instead, value your partner’s opinion and then offer up yours. They are both opinions, so 1 is not more or less correct than the other. They are simply 2 different perspectives. If you continue to make your partner feel wrong, they will stop offering their opinion to you. That doesn’t lead to any place good. 3. Don’t stop planning together for the future It could be planning for the kid’s college or the next vacation. It could be planning for retirement or for a friend’s birthday party. The key is to keep planning together for the future. When you do so, you create common goals to pursue as a unit. This strengthens the bonds of partnership, friendship, and mutual admiration. Find something you are both interested in doing, and work on it together. You are either growing closer together or further apart. Planning together helps to keep you growing together. 4. Don’t stop being attractive for your partner Many couples stop doing the things that led to the relationship in the first place. If you figured that once you were in a committed relationship that you could stop engaging in attractive behaviors, you were mistaken. Each person in the partnership expected the other to continue doing and saying the things they found attractive. So, flirt. Wear clothing that your partner finds you flattering in. Remind your partner how attractive they are to you. Be playful, be thoughtful and be loving. Be irresistible to your partner and allow them to return the favor. ** To read the full article, [go here.] ------------------------------------------------------------ *** BOOK REVIEW: Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance – By Angela Duckworth *** ------------------------------------------------------------ In this instant New York Times bestseller, pioneering psychologist Angela Duckworth shows anyone striving to succeed—be it parents, students, educators, athletes, or business people—that the secret to outstanding achievement is not talent but a special blend of passion and persistence she calls “grit.” Drawing on her own powerful story as the daughter of a scientist who frequently noted her lack of “genius,” Duckworth, now a celebrated researcher and professor, describes her early eye-opening stints in teaching, business consulting, and neuroscience, which led to the hypothesis that what really drives success is not “genius” but a unique combination of passion and long-term perseverance. In Grit, she takes readers into the field to visit cadets struggling through their first days at West Point, teachers working in some of the toughest schools, and young finalists in the National Spelling Bee. She also mines fascinating insights from history and shows what can be gleaned from modern experiments in peak performance. Finally, she shares what she’s learned from interviewing dozens of high achievers—from JP Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon to New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff to Seattle Seahawks Coach Pete Carroll. Among Grit’s most valuable insights: *Why any effort you make ultimately counts twice toward your goal *How grit can be learned, regardless of I.Q. or circumstances *How lifelong interest is triggered *How much of optimal practice is suffering and how much ecstasy *Which is better for your child—a warm embrace or high standards *The magic of the Hard Thing Rule Winningly personal, insightful, and even life-changing, Grit is a book about what goes through your head when you fall down, and how that—not talent or luck—makes all the difference. ***** The list Price of this book is $28.00. To purchase this book for $16.80 from Amazon.com, a 40% discount, [go here.]  ============================================= *** How to Advertise in the Self Improvement Newsletter *** To advertise your website or product to our Self Improvement Newsletter audience, go to [ To submit articles or other information, please send us an email at [editors@selfgrowth.com], or visit our Article Submission form at [    --------------------------------------------------- *** How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter*** --------------------------------------------------- To subscribe to our newsletter, please go to our Subscriptions Page at [ To unsubscribe or update your information, go here: [Manage Preferences] Copyright (C) 2015 by Self Improvement Online, Inc. Permission is granted to reproduce or distribute this newsletter only in its entirety and provided copyright is acknowledged. 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