15 Lessons I've Learned in 15 Years of Marriage

SELFCares Newsletter, February 13th, 2019 SELFCares About... Relationships [9 Women on What They Bought When They Were Feeling Lonely]( If you are unable to see the message below, [click here to view.]( [SELF Cares]( [couple holding each other] [hearts] This week, we're talking about... Relationships Here we are on another Valentine's Day Eve. Maybe you're single and happy about it. Maybe you're single and not. Perhaps you've celebrated Valentine's Day with your partner so many times you've lost count, or you're going on a date with someone new as part of your open relationship, or you're fresh off a breakup, or you're most excited about the discount candy because you couldn't care less about Valentine's Day. No matter where you fall, I'm encouraging you to take some time tomorrow (and every day) to think about what you truly want from relationships, romantic and otherwise. There's so much societal pressure to follow the same rules as everyone else, and it doesn't have to be that way. I got an excellent reminder of this last weekend at the book club some friends and I do every month. Our February read was [The State of Affairs]( by Esther Perel. It's a fascinating look at marriage and infidelity, and I recommend it if you're into learning about relationship psychology. One of the many conversations it sparked centered around the false notion that romantic relationships need to look the same to be valid. It may seem like one person should be your Everything: the foundation of your world, happiness, and even identity. But other people can be your soulmates, too, whether that's through friendship or something more. And sometimes you can be your own Everything. This Valentine's Day, why not celebrate the myriad ways successful relationships can exist in this world. They can happen through polyamorous situations, lifelong monogamy, or one-night stands. They can happen with best friends, siblings, and even—especially, actually—with yourself. It's all real, and it all counts. I hope these articles remind you of that. [Zahra Barnes, deputy health editor] [outside of chinese restaurant]( [columnist Anne Roderique-Jones, Anything Once]( [Why I Love My Totally Unromantic Valentine's Day Tradition]( Do not fall prey to the idea that Valentine's Day only "counts" if you go to a fancy restaurant with a date, eat a ton of chocolate, and roll around in rose petals at the end of the night! If that's your thing, absolutely do you. But if it's not, you can create your own Valentine's Day traditions, whether or not you have a partner. [Here's how]( Advertisement [advertisement]( [Powered by LiveIntent]( [AdChoices]( [sign with You Got This]( [How to Get Really Comfortable in Your Body for Sex]( Certified sex coach, educator, and writer Gigi Engle walks you through something that sounds like it should be easy but can actually be really hard to put into practice. FYI, a ton of this works for masturbation, too—no partner necessary. [Yes, please]( [hearts kissing]( [What It's Like to Be in a Polyamorous Relationship]( In this piece by Anna Davies, three polyamorous people share their experiences. Whether you're curious about polyamorous relationships or in one yourself, it's a good read. [Check it out]( [advertisement]( [Powered by LiveIntent]( [AdChoices]( [before and after photos]( [I Can't Take a Cute Nude to Save My Life, So I Asked Boudoir Photographers for Help]( Writer Lindsey Lanquist wanted to learn how to take sexy pictures, so she went straight to an expert. Her tips are golden, and right on time if you wanted to stage a pre-Valentine's Day shoot. [Get the tips]( [postcards]( [9 Women on What They Bought When They Were Feeling Lonely]( Admitting you're lonely can be hard. Admitting how you fill that void can be even harder. Kudos to these nine women for taking the leap. [Read on]( [advertisement]( [Powered by LiveIntent]( [AdChoices]( [15 Lessons I've Learned in 15 Years of Marriage]( Writer Anne Roderique-Jones explores the love and life lessons she's racked up in a decade and a half of marriage. (Wow.) Here's some permission to go to bed mad, plus a lot more insights from someone who knows because they've been there. [Read More]( [couple holding hands and flowers]( Sharing Is Caring! Forward this newsletter to your friends! Got this from a friend? [Sign Up Here]( Curated with care by SELF editors [instagram]( [Unsubscribe]( | [Privacy Policy]( Sent from Condé Nast, 1 World Trade Center, New York, NY 10001, attn: Email Coordinator Copyright © 2019 Condé Nast. Heads up: If you buy something through our links, SELF may earn an affiliate commission.