Fallon Whacks the Piñata; Conan on Tom Arnold Fight; Meyers Tweaks Trump Tariffs

Late Night Jokes From Monday, Sept. 17 Jimmy Fallon: This weekend was the start of Hispanic Heritage Month. And today, President Trump hosted an event at the White House to celebrate. He was like, "It's important to recognize this country's great Hispanic people. Dora the Explorer. And that hot chick from 'Modern Family.'" FEMA has a new emergency alert system that would let Trump send a message to every cellphone in the U.S. They even have a name for it — Twitter. [See all of last night’s Late Nite Jokes from Fallon, Meyers, and Conan]( Special: [Stubborn Belly Fat Can Be Fixed. Naturally.]( [Learn The Secret To Unlocking Digestive Bliss]( By S A Nickerson Special Health Correspondent That’s just what my friend Annie exclaimed recently, along with a few choice words I can’t repeat here . . . Like someone awakening from a decade-long coma, Annie surfaced to what she now calls the “middle-aged fat attack” with mixed emotions. First, disbelief . . . “How could I not have noticed THIS until now?” she mourned as she tugged at the love handles bulging from her waistline . . . “It’s like having that dream where you’re walking around with no clothes on and hoping nobody notices” she said. “But of course they notice — they’re just too polite to point it out to you. And knowing that,” she confides, “now I feel totally humiliated by how I look.” Next, Annie got mad . . . “How could John have let me get this plump without saying anything?” she asked me indignantly. Defending her husband on the topic of Annie’s weight gain didn’t seem a prudent course of action, given her black mood. Instead, I asked her: “Have you taken a really good LOOK at John lately?” A sweet, mild-mannered man, John — from the looks of him — had also succumbed to the same stealthy middle-aged fat attack that had so cruelly stricken his wife. This Unsightly and Unhealthy Middle-Aged Fat Attack Is Very Sneaky In this letter, you’ll see how it often goes undetected for years. You’ll discover techniques to fight the battle of the bulge that seems to become even more difficult with aging. But don’t worry, because you’ll also see how you can overcome this handicap to drop pounds — and body fat — easily and naturally with help from leading health and weight experts and the latest scientific research . . . So keep reading, because you’ll also have the opportunity to receive a Practical Guide to Healthy Weight Management (a $20.00 value) absolutely FREE! But let’s first return to Annie and John, and their story. Perhaps you can relate . . . Despite John’s blooming “beer gut,” he wasn’t much of a drinker — just a few here and there when the big game was on TV. And it’s not like John or Annie sat around and binged on buttered popcorn, potato chips, or Twinkies. They’re just ordinary 50-something folks, eating an ordinary diet. Annie’s next reaction to her discovery of the middle-aged fat attack? Denial . . . “I’m nothing like those people you see down at the all-you-can-eat buffet. Those people are REALLY fat. I’m just a bit overweight.” This phase only lasted until Annie came clean about her measurements. She’d been a size 8 when we met way back when. But now that number hovered between a 14 and a 16. Unfortunately, by the time she visited her doctor, Annie felt totally down in the dumps. She was shocked after seeing the three-digit number revealed by the weight scale. (I can’t share this number with you — she swore me to secrecy.) But her doctor, being the kindly sort, did not wag a finger at Annie in judgment, like some doctors do. He merely looked more closely at her chart, and pointed out that her weight had slowly and gradually crept up on her to the tune of about five pounds per year over the last decade or so. He wasn’t surprised one bit. He sees it every day . . . While you may already be uncomfortably aware of those extra pounds, they often go unnoticed and overlooked with so much else in life going on: - Marriage, babies, and child-raising - Career stress and sit-down jobs - Too little time to exercise - Bad advice, even from well-meaning friends - Fad diets and fast food - Physical changes taking place during middle age for both men and women By the Time You Get to 50-Something, the Deck Becomes Stacked Against You Well, whatever you do, don’t blame yourself. As with any problem, looking back is NOT the answer. It’s time to look ahead — starting right this moment. Because sometimes the solution to the problem is simpler than you ever dreamed it could be. In fact, this educational presentation reveals what you must know about the middle-aged fat attack … And how to overcome it without the hassle— and certainly without punishing yourself. So I’d urge you to keep reading: - If stepping on your bathroom scale makes you cringe . . . - If your clothes feel tight — and that “middle-aged spread” has forced you to buy a larger size . . . - If you want some extra help to lose that spare tire or muffin top . . . And if any of these things are true for you, well, you’re in good company. That’s because according to the government’s National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES) of 2009–2010 . . . Nearly 70% of Americans Are at Least Somewhat Overweight And if you’ve tried to drop that weight before and failed, it’s not your fault . . . Because losing those extra pounds, especially around your waist, is not the same when you’ve hit your middle or older years. First off, you likely have a very different mindset. While you might need to slim down, I’m betting you don’t dream of having a bikini body anymore. And obviously, you’re not some teenybopper worried about impressing Johnny at the school dance. You’ve grown up, and unfortunately, maybe out a little. Most importantly, you know that extra weight you carry is not just a beauty or body image issue . . . Carrying Around Extra Weight Is Also a Critical Health Issue You have more at stake — and much more to lose. So you hate it when your doctor nags you about all the potential problems that go along with those added pounds, especially around the belly: - Added stress on your organs - Blood sugar and insulin concerns - Unbalanced metabolism - Less lean muscle mass - And more At least you can leave “skinny jeans” to the teenagers, and shaking a perfect-sized booty to the 20-somethings. I’m betting you just want to be healthier, look younger than your age, have more energy and zest for life, and stop spending money on a new, larger-sized wardrobe every few years. Of course, no one wants to be seen as a frumpy matron or pot-bellied middle-aged man, and it might be nice to rekindle that romantic spark with your spouse. Perhaps you’d like to feel at least neutral, if not somewhat satisfied, when you look in the mirror — even without your clothes on. But who wants to go through the pain, agony, and expense of having your fat sucked out or your stomach stapled? Or take those drugstore diet pills that may cause unwanted side effects or amp you up with unhealthy stimulants — how crazy is that? But what if you could lose those extra pounds simply and naturally — and still treat yourself now and then to your favorite “forbidden” foods? Well, fortunately, you’re in the right place. Because in a moment, you’ll discover why losing weight in midlife is different . . . You’ll discover how to tell in 10 seconds if your weight has risen to the point where it’s a health risk . . . Plus, you’ll see the health risks of being a “pear” or an “apple” when it comes to your style of fat accumulation. More on that in a moment but first, I’m sure you’re probably a bit skeptical when it comes to losing weight. Because, let’s face it . . . Unless your weight gain is very recent, in the past you’ve probably tried dieting, tried exercise, perhaps even tried various pills, potions, or gizmos — and come away disappointed. Maybe even heavier. But fortunately, you’re about to hear some simple strategies to help you drop 10, 20, or even more of those unwanted pounds. Before we get to that, you first need to understand . . . Why Middle-Aged Weight Gain Is Different As the Mayo Clinic warns, increasing age contributes to a loss of muscle mass. This means fat makes up a bigger percentage of your weight. And when it comes to your metabolism, this becomes critical: Muscle tissue burns at least three times as many calories as fat. So the less muscle mass you have, the fewer calories you’ll burn, making it harder to lose weight or even maintain the same weight. Then, with middle age, women tend to undergo a redistribution of fat from the legs, arms, and hips to the belly or abdomen. Let’s talk a bit more about that belly fat you’ve probably been hearing a lot about in the media. What most people don’t know is that there are two kinds of belly fat: First, there’s the unsightly fat pad just beneath your skin (the subcutaneous fat) that jiggles when you poke it. Obviously, you can see this type of fat. But more detrimental to your health is the fat you can’t see: the deeper visceral fat surrounding your internal organs. It’s more detrimental because visceral fat actually produces hormones and other chemical substances that increase your risk for health concerns related to your cardiovascular system, your blood sugar, and other body systems. You may already know you have too much belly fat just by looking at yourself in the mirror. If you are unsure, you simply need to measure your waist with a tape measure. Just measure your waist size after exhaling (but don’t cheat and suck in your stomach). If you are female, a waist size of 35 inches or more indicates a greater risk of health concerns due to excessive belly fat. If you are male, a waist size of 40 inches or more should give you cause for concern about your health. Belly fat also creates an “apple” shape to your body rather than a “pear” shape. As you’ve heard, gaining belly fat weight around the middle (having an apple shape) correlates more highly to the health risks we’ve already discussed, particularly concerns related to blood sugar and metabolism. But according to Dr. Marie Savard, who has written a book about the apple and pear shapes and their relationship to health, being a pear comes with its own health issues. Pear-shaped women store their weight mainly around the hips, thighs, and buttocks. This can put too much compression on veins and lead to bone thinning. So what are you supposed to do during midlife to slim down and lose that belly or hip fat? Well, here are five all-natural tips from leading experts in healthy weight management: Healthy Weight Tip #1 Reframe the word “diet” to give it a different meaning than you did when you were younger. When most people think of “diet,” they think of struggle and deprivation. However, diet is merely what you consume regularly. You can make a few simple changes with a huge impact on your weight — and your health — without undue suffering. For instance, cut out most of those desserts and sweets. Eat them only on special occasions. You’re an adult — this small change won’t do you in! If you are a soda drinker, substitute with plain water garnished with lemon, or add in just a hint of pomegranate or other juice for a bit of flavor. If you are a junk food junkie, well, it’s time to make more meals at home, or at least pick the least processed, the least grease-laden, and the most vegetable-loaded selections you can find on the menu. You’ll find many more tips on specific diet plans in your own FREE Practical Guide to Healthy Weight Management . In this guide (a $20.00 value), you’ll discover: - How to pick the correct diet plan for you . . . - Pros and cons of popular diets . . . - How to choose weight management supplements . . . - Those paid weight loss programs — are they worth it? - And much more. You’ll see how to get your copy of this helpful guide in just a minute. But first, let’s move on to . . . Healthy Weight Tip #2 Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate! Water is not only essential to life, but it also acts as a natural appetite suppressant and metabolism booster. A research study published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism reports: Drinking about 16 ounces of water increases metabolic rate by 30% in both men and women. As the researchers noted, this makes water drinking-induced fat burning a useful component of daily energy expenditure, particularly during weight-loss programs. So up your water intake! Just remember: Sugary and caffeinated beverages don’t count . . . Healthy Weight Tip #3 Keep moving to maintain as much muscle mass as possible. As you heard earlier, with aging comes a loss of muscle mass. Unfortunately, the less muscle mass you have, the fewer calories you’ll burn, making it more difficult to lose weight — or even maintain the same weight. Exercise causes the releases of hormones that promote healthy muscle mass. And while any exercise is better than no exercise, all forms of exercise are not created equal. The best form of exercise to prevent this loss of muscle mass is resistance or strength training, using weights, machines, elastic bands, or other devices. Aerobic exercise is great for your cardiovascular system, and can help with your overall weight loss, but doesn’t do as much to preserve your lean body mass. The government Centers for Disease Control (the CDC) reports: “Strength training is crucial to weight control, because individuals who have more muscle mass have a higher metabolic rate. Muscle is active tissue that consumes calories while stored fat uses very little energy. Strength training can provide up to a 15% increase in metabolic rate, which is enormously helpful for weight loss and long-term weight control.” Healthy Weight Tip #4 Use a food diary to reveal your own hidden weight triggers. A recent study by the Kaiser Permanente Center for Health Research demonstrated that participants who used a food diary more than five days per week lost almost twice as much weight as those who didn't. And even better, they kept the weight off. Simply write down everything you eat and drink for at least 1 week — but ideally longer. You may be surprised by how much information you gain about your habits and eating patterns. Experts believe that food diaries work primarily because they heighten your sense of personal accountability, crucial to any positive lifestyle change, including weight loss. Healthy Weight Tip #5 Targeted nutritional support can also be an invaluable aid in reaching your weight loss goals in conjunction with a healthy diet and exercise. So perhaps it’s time to add a high-quality nutritional supplement designed to help you achieve your optimal weight. Our solution? Metabio™. Metabio contains five of the most promising ingredients available today to help you lose that weight (and fat), when combined with a healthy diet and exercise. But before I tell you more about Metabio, I want to urge you to keep reading. Because in a few moments, you’ll have the opportunity to see how to receive a 30-day risk-free trial supply of Metabio to test for yourself, with the special offer you’ll see shortly. So please don’t go away prematurely and lose out. First, you should know that Medix Select, the company behind Metabio, uses only the highest-quality, effective dietary ingredients. All their premium supplements are personally created by scientists, doctors, and medical researchers. Additionally, all their supplements are formulated and manufactured in the United States from the finest select ingredients from around the world — following Good Manufacturing Practices (GMP) and using the most advanced technology available. And Medix Select went all out with Metabio. Because the Metabio formula contains not just a single ingredient, but five of the most promising nutrients to assist in your weight loss efforts: - Green coffee bean extract (Svetol® form) - Raspberry ketones - Chromium - Green tea leaf extract - Black pepper fruit extract (patented BioPerine®) And because Medix Select wants to introduce you to this premium pound-dropping formula, they’ll send you a full 30-day trial bottle of Metabio at no charge (other than a small $4.95 shipping fee) You will also be enrolled in a convenient and affordable Smart Ship program . . . but don’t worry, you can easily cancel at any time. And don’t forget — you’ll also get your own FREE copy of the Practical Guide to Healthy Weight Management! You can jump to the front of the line right now and claim your own 30-day supply of Metabio, along with your report, by clicking the BIG ORANGE BUTTON below. You’ll be taken to a page where you can review the benefits of this formula — and make your final decision, plus see how to claim your own 30-day supply of Metabio . Or if you’re not convinced yet, let’s get back to what you’ll find in Metabio — and talk about the bean that has the medical and weight loss community all abuzz . . . Metabio Power Ingredient #1: Green Coffee Bean Extract The “green” in green coffee bean extract refers to the unroasted seeds of the Coffea fruit, which are actually its purest raw form. A simple online search or stroll down the aisle at your local health food store will show you how popular green coffee bean extract has become for weight-loss support. In fact, we saw TV personality, author, and heart surgeon Dr. Mehmet Oz discuss green coffee bean on his show several times. And while Dr. Oz does not endorse any particular product (including Metabio), he does point out on his show that not all green coffee bean extract is created equal. He suggests using only the trademarked pure Svetol® and GCA® forms of green coffee bean extract. And because it is the most studied and proven form of green coffee bean extract when it comes to weight loss, Medix Select made sure to use the Svetol® form of green coffee bean in Metabio. Dr. Antoine Bily, R&D director for nutrition and health at Naturex, reports: “Svetol® is proven to be effective for reducing glucose levels into the blood stream, regulating excess sugar in the blood stream, which would ultimately turn into fat. Without the excess sugar, your body is forced to burn fat to provide energy.” This fat-burning action of Svetol® was demonstrated in a published clinical study showing that a daily 400 mg supplementation with Svetol® leads to a significant reduction in the body mass index (BMI) — as well as a 4% increase of the lean mass to fat mass ratio. You’ll get a full 400 mg of Svetol® when Metabio is taken twice a day as directed. You may be thinking that caffeine is the reason behind the effectiveness of green coffee bean. However, that is not the case . . . While coffee is obviously jam-packed with caffeine, making yourself jittery with multiple cups of coffee will not help you lose weight. The coffee plant’s effects on weight loss are now attributed by many researchers primarily to the compound chlorogenic acid. Unfortunately, traditional brewed coffee is not a good source of chlorogenic acid, as the roasting process removes most of it, along with many other healthful compounds. Chlorogenic acid seems to inhibit an enzyme called glucose-6-phosphatase, which plays an important role in blood sugar metabolism. The revolutionary Svetol® form of green coffee bean extract you’ll find in Metabio is rich in chlorogenic acid — containing over 45% chlorogenic acid. Additionally, Svetol® contains caffeic acid, known for its antioxidant properties and ability to limit fat oxidation in the liver. And while green coffee bean extract appears to be a rising superstar on the weight loss scene, it is only one of the five power-packed ingredients you’ll find in Metabio . . . Metabio Power Ingredient #2: Raspberry Ketones Secondly, you will find raspberry ketones, natural chemicals which give raspberries their unique flavor and aroma. High-quality formulations of these supplements have become difficult for consumers to find due to many shoddy, fly-by-night manufacturers taking advantage of their popularity. But rest assured . . . Medix Select added a full 100 mg per serving of high-quality raspberry ketones to Metabio. Emerging research indicates that raspberry ketones may help lead to fat loss and regulation of metabolism, particularly when combined with a proper diet and exercise. So far, the evidence is limited and involves only animal studies, but researchers have noted that raspberry ketones do show promise in helping burn fat much more efficiently. Now, if you wish you could merely eat raspberries to get the benefits of raspberry ketones, this won’t work. It has been reported that you’d have to eat 90 pounds of raspberries to get the benefit you’d get from a single dose of raspberry ketones! This brings us to the third natural nutrient you’ll find in this five-in-one healthy weight solution. Metabio Power Ingredient #3: The Trace Mineral Chromium Metabio also provides you with 100 mcg/serving of chromium, an essential trace mineral your body requires to manufacture protein and metabolize glucose. Chromium helps support normal blood sugar levels and promotes insulin production. The form of chromium you’ll find in Metabio — chromium dinicotinate glycinate or CDG — binds the mineral chromium to nicotinic acid, also known as the B3 vitamin niacin, and the amino acid glycine. The Metabio formula includes chromium not only for its role in supporting insulin sensitivity, but also because scientific research suggests chromium may also play a role in weight maintenance. Metabio Power Ingredient #4: Green Tea Leaf Extract The fourth ingredient you’ll find in Metabio is green tea leaf extract, 200 mg/serving. Green tea is made from the leaves of the Camellia sinensis plant. Green tea is the least processed of the three primary types of tea — green, black, and oolong. This minimal processing helps preserve its high levels of polyphenol antioxidants, particularly the healthful compounds called catechins. According to the University of Maryland Medical Center: “Clinical studies suggest that green tea extract may boost metabolism and help burn fat . . . Some researchers think that substances in green tea known as catechins are responsible for the herb's fat-burning effect.” EGCG or epigallocatechin is the main active polyphenol antioxidant in green tea. Research indicates that the EGCG and caffeine in green tea increases the amount of calories your body burns at rest. However, the effects of EGCG appear more significant than the caffeine content of green tea extract. As one study reported in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition: “Green tea has thermogenic properties and promotes fat oxidation beyond that explained by its caffeine content per se. The green tea extract may play a role in the control of body composition via sympathetic activation of thermogenesis, fat oxidation, or both.” Unfortunately, while drinking green tea offers some health benefits, you’d have to drink far too much of it to get a noticeable thermogenic or fat-burning effect. On the other hand, a high-quality green tea extract can provide three or four times as much EGCG as a single cup of green tea. Metabio Power Ingredient #5: Piperine The fifth, and last, ingredient in Metabio is certainly nothing to sneeze at . . . While you probably use black pepper to season your food, Ayurvedic healers have used it for thousands of years as a traditional folk remedy. In fact, many Ayurvedic formulas contain black pepper to help with digestion and absorption of vital nutrients. Scientists have proven that the spiciness of black pepper is due to the chemical piperine. Besides being spicy, piperine helps with absorption of vital nutrients. That’s why the Metabio formula contains 5 mg per capsule — a full research dose — of black pepper fruit extract as BioPerine®. BioPerine® is an extract obtained from the black pepper fruit cultivated in the damp, nutrient-rich soil regions of southern India. Workers harvest the delicate berries from the pepper plants just prior to ripening, and dry them in the sun for optimum maturity and quality. BioPerine® is the only product sourced from black pepper fruit piperine to obtain a patent for its ability to increase the bioavailability of nutrients. Bioavailability is vital because your body must be able to adequately absorb and use the nutrients you consume in foods and nutritional supplements. So as you can see, Metabio — with its advanced multi-ingredient formula — is no slouch when it comes to helping you jump-start your weight-loss efforts. And here’s how you benefit . . . Medix Select is so confident that Metabio will help you lose weight and fat that they want to give you the opportunity to try out a 30-day supply to test for yourself! If you order from this special letter, you’re eligible to receive a full 30-day, risk-free bottle of Metabio at no charge (other than a small $4.95 shipping fee). I know that sounds crazy, but here’s why they can afford to be so generous . . . Medix Select is willing to bet that once you try Metabio, you will absolutely love this revolutionary fat-dropping formula — and the way you’ll look and feel even after just 30 days. And since Medix Select gains many new customers from the “word of mouth” recommendations of satisfied customers, they are confident you will tell those around you about your positive experience with Metabio, too. Plus, you should know that any product you order in the future from Medix Select is backed by their 100% satisfaction guarantee. Click the BIG ORANGE BUTTON below now and you will be taken to a page where you can review the benefits of this special offer and make your final decision — that’s where you’ll see how to claim your own 30-day supply of Metabio. I don’t want to rush you, but I don’t want to disappoint you, either. Medix Select has a limited number of bottles of Metabio available to send out with this special promotion. And this offer may be withdrawn at any time without notice. OK, let’s review . . . Here are five really great reasons why you should give Metabio a try right now: Metabio can help you fight back against the middle-aged fat attack when added to your weight-loss efforts. Metabio is not some wimpy single-ingredient formula, but a super supplement multi-tasker with five high-quality, researched ingredients. Metabio will help you meet your weight-loss goals, and feel better about yourself — and your body. Metabio is affordable and requires no prescription. Metabio can be yours to try out for yourself for a full 30 days with our risk-free special offer! How much body fat do you want to lose? You will also get your own FREE Practical Guide to Healthy Weight Management (a $20.00 value). Really, how can you go wrong with this offer? You have nothing to lose — except those extra pounds and that muffin top or pot belly . . . Click the BIG ORANGE BUTTON below now. You are not making your final decision by clicking the button — you will simply be taken to a page where you can review the benefits and details of this special offer and then decide whether to claim your own risk-free 30-day supply of Metabio. Imagine what your life will be like when you lose those 10, 20, or more pounds of excess weight . . . When you look and feel younger — and feel good in your own skin again . . . When you make your doctor happy at your next physical exam — and make your spouse happy with your new and improved body . . . You don’t have to imagine anymore. Make it your reality. Click the BIG ORANGE BUTTON below now! These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Terms and Conditions Apply. Please call or see our website for complete details. All information presented above is for informational purposes only, and is not specifically applicable to any individual’s medical problem(s), concerns, and/or needs. Readers are advised to consult a health professional about any issue regarding their health and well-being. © 2017 Medix Health, LLC. All rights reserved. Medix Select is a registered trademark of Medix Health, LLC. Dr. Oz does not endorse this product. --------------------------------------------------------------- You received this Late Night Jokes email because you subscribed to it or someone forwarded it to you. Click here to [unsubscribe]( from our list. We respect your right to privacy. [View our policy](. This email was sent by: Reagan Reports for America 1501 Northpoint Parkway, Suite 104 West Palm Beach, FL 33407 USA