Cut yourself some slack

[The beef 675] [I'm an image] “50% revenue growth..in these times? Come on!” - Jason Hey there carnivores, Markets were slightly down on Thursday as May unemployment is expected to be near 20% And today we’re talking about Slack and Amazon getting together. Keep raging, Jeff & Jason [Image] [I'm an image] Power Couple [Let our powers combine!]( Amazon and Slack are taking their relationship to the next level. Technically, the two have been working together since 2018 but the new deal has them getting a bit more intimate. The new deal will roll out Slack to all of Amazon’s 840k workers... unless you're one of those anti-capitalists sowing the seeds of dissent amongst the fulfillment center bourgeoisie. You still have to use Skype. In return, Slack, which uses AWS cloud, will start utilizing Amazon's Chime video-service on its own platform. Of course, Jeff Bezos doesn’t work on the barter system. Slack [signed a $425M deal]( lasting five years to use a multitude of Amazon's services, including Chime. What is this Chime you speak of? Chime is pretty much the Fire Phone of video-calling services. It hasn’t really taken off as a video platform, according to AWS’ Matt Garman, thanks to a crappy user interface. Slack’s plan is to build on its super-powered mainframe to deliver the service within the confines of its own platform. For that familiar Slack feel, you’ve come to know and love... Earning power Along with the big announcement, Slack announced its Q1 earnings yesterday. Unfortunately, it wasn’t as good as investors hoped. While both revenue and earnings [beat expectations]( at $201.7M and an EPS loss of 2 cents, revenue growth was stable at 50%, which was 1% higher than the previous quarter. That’s good, right? Not when companies like Zoom (the real Zoom) are out there with 169% growth. Slack’s stock dropped 15% on the day. The bottom line... Slack isn’t giving up hope. And CEO Stewart Butterfield balks at the comparison of his platform to the likes of Zoom and Microsoft Teams. Mostly because Slack is focused on collaboration while the others are focused on facilitating meetings. Butterfield knows that his revenue isn’t exactly up to snuff, which is probably why he points to healthy user growth. The company had 12k new paid customers this quarter, compared to only 5k during each of the previous two quarters. Plus, users are spending more time online. Aren’t we all? Slack’s users spent 120 minutes per day sending GIFs during Q1 vs. just 90 last quarter. [Image] Flash Sale Last Week...Jason Bond Delivered 4 Out of 4 Winners In His Monday Movers Service [Alternate text]( His Latest Alert Drops This Afternoon [Don't Miss Out]( [I'm an image] ☑️ Denied! Bernie Madoff tried to get out of jail free... and a judge did his best Dikembe Mutombo on the request. Madoff [requested]( “compassionate release” on the terms that he’s terminally ill, with less than 18 months to live, but he was denied. I guess he couldn’t get a doctor's note. Bernie’s ruling comes amid the release of other white-collar criminals due to the spread of coronavirus in prisons. Paul Manafort and DJT lawyer Michael Cohen were both allowed to commute their sentences from the privacy of their homes. But don't worry Bern, you're in good company. Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli [wasn't allowed to leave]( Club Fed either... ☑️ Jealous Ex. So much for being "[Off Twitter for a while.](" Elon Musk [called]( out Amazon’s Jeff Bezos, (ever heard of him?) yesterday after an author was unable to self-publish a book on Amazon. Phony Stark said “It’s time to break up Amazon. Monopolies are wrong!” The book, authored by Alex Berenson, was blocked, according to Amazon, in error. It’s now available in Kindle form... in case you’re looking for your next WFH read. According to Amazon, the book’s release was not due to Lonnie Bookworm’s complaint. The only solution? Cage match, no holds barred. Winner gets planet Earth. ☑️ Back in business. Sports are back... kind of. The NBA’s board of governors agreed to resume the season at Disney’s facility in Orlando, where 22 of the leagues 30 teams will begin playing games on July 31st. That is, of course, if Disney allows the league to use the company’s facilities, which would house the league and provide a place to play. Mover over banana boat photo, there is a commemorative Splash Mountain shot in Lebron's future. The top eight teams in playoff position from each conference and the six remaining teams from each conference with the best record would get an invite to the happiest place on earth. Sorry, James Dolan, the Knicks don’t meet either criterion. 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