Better get a J-O-B

[The beef 675] [I'm an image] “Not THAT bad’ news is the new good news.” - Jeff Hey there carnivores, Markets were up on Friday despite historically high unemployment. And today we’re talking how bad those numbers were. Keep raging, Jeff & Jason [Image] [I'm an image] Blood in the streets In the latest payroll report from the Department of Labor, [20.5M jobs]( were lost during April and the unemployment rate rose to 14.7%. *Pours one out for America* Big tree fall hard The worst part about the job losses? Well, aside from the literal fact that people are out of work... it's that ten years of US job growth was wiped out in one month. Holy. F*ck. Leisure and hospitality [were the two industries]( hit the hardest, while women, college dropouts, and Hispanics saw the largest losses among individual groups. These losses are truly historic. And not in a good way (think: Hindenburg... or Antietam). Let's put it in perspective... First, let's remember that unemployment was at just 3.5% (the good kind of record) in February of 2020. The 10.3 percentage point increase in the unemployment rate from March to April represents the [largest monthly jump]( since the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) started keeping score in 1948. The last time things were worse? The Great Depression (ever heard of it?). BLS estimates the unemployment rate hit 24.9% in 1933. Comin’ out of my cage Despite the terrible job numbers, stock markets rose on Friday. Why? Because (believe it or not) 14.7% unemployment [wasn’t as bad]( as the 16% expected. Investors seem to be focusing on the bright side (read: the economy reopening, COVID vaccines)… and all that sweet, sweet stimulus money. The Dow, S&P, and Nasdaq gained 1.9%, 1.6%, and 1.5%, respectively, good for the first weekly gain by all indices in the last three weeks. The bottom line... As businesses begin to open back up, the hope is that furloughed employees start coming back to work as well. In fact, 88% of the newly unemployed [declared their layoff was temporary]( during April (read: they were furloughed... and are wishful thinkers). But they may want to think twice before heading back to the salt mines... Turns out some workers are actually [getting paid more]( via increased unemployment benefits than they were at their jobs prior to the CARES Act being implemented. Maybe the joke’s on everyone who still has a job (spoiler: it’s not). [Image] An Unfair Advantage? [Alternate text]( Join Kyle Dennis on May 14 at 8:30 PM—LIVE When He Reveals For The First Time His #1 Tool For Catching Explosive Options [Register Now]( [I'm an image] ☑️JEDI mind tricks. On October 25th, Microsoft was awarded a US defense contract, codenamed JEDI. (The Joint Enterprise Defense Infrastructure, for those of you not up to date on the most recent Pentagon acronyms), and Jeff Bezos [isn’t having it](. Bezos defended Amazon’s choice to challenge the Pentagon’s decision to award Microsoft the $10B contract. Bill Gates’ brainchild called Amazon’s contrarian position a way to “force a do-over to rescue its failed bid.” Them’s fightin’ words, Satya. Amazon argues that President DJT’s bias against Bezos and the Amazon-owned Washington Post had to do with the decision, while saying that Microsoft is trying to “bully its way to an unjust victory.” Yeah, the first thing you think of when you think ‘bully’ is Satya Nadella. ☑️Back from the dead. HQ Trivia is doing its best “Dawn of the Dead” impression. The Q is [bringing back]( sports trivia, without Quiz Daddy Scott Rogowski after the app had [quite the public]( downfall. The app is now partnering with AB-InBev’s Busch to relaunch HQ Sports. Ahhhh yes, Busch and sports trivia, that checks out. The first show happened last night, with a prize pool of more than $2.5k. Oh, and since HQ’s been back, it’s had more than 120k concurrent viewers. It will keep airing shows every Thursday and Sunday. All those degenerates without sports to gamble on will undoubtedly find HQ Sports, I’m sure. ☑️Backing out. Carlyle Group and the Singapore sovereign-wealth investment group, GIC, are [out on]( getting into the global business travel...business. The investors are trying to back out of purchasing a stake in American Express Global Business Travel unit that is supposed to close on Thursday. According to the suits, AmEx violated terms of the purchase agreement as a result of losses from, you guessed it, the coronavirus. At the end of 2019, you know, before the entire world went to sh*t, Carlyle and GIC valued Amex’s unit at $5B, including debt. Carlyle and GIC were on track to buy a 20% stake in the business unit, but with AmEx revenues from business and travel dropping 70% in April, they are having second thoughts. A provision in the agreement said investment funds can not be used towards paying operating losses. Carlyle is making its case around that key piece. *Your lawyer has entered the chat* ☑️Pump the “breaks”. The next coronavirus relief package is [on hold for now](, according to Larry Kudlow, a Trump economic advisor. Ludlow says negotiations with Congress are stalled until late May or early June. Ludlow and White House economic advisor Kevin Hassett had a conference call on Friday with members of the House to break down the next steps to deal with coronavirus. The next deal could climb to $2T, yes, T, and would go towards helping state and city governments, while also funding testing and giving another round of Trump Bucks to Americans (read: money put directly in your bank account, if you’re lucky). 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