Hell: It’s just business

Hell is many things to many people. [In the Bible]( and [the Quran]( hell is a place of fiery, eternal torment for sinners. Mahayana Buddhist sutras count [eight icy cold hells]( where those with bad karma watch their skin turn blue and crack while they await reincarnation. The Gilgamesh epic records the ancient Mesopotamian belief that hell is a glum, dusty place, where good and bad souls alike “[drink dirt and eat stone]( But for a lot of penitent souls, hell is big business. It’s a place where sinners can buy or bribe their way out of torment; where lavish rituals on earth can determine one’s fate in the afterlife; and where, if you’re foolish or daring enough, you can cut a deal. Some even see the workplace as a modern hell for secular workaholics who resign themselves to the earthly torments of burnout and disillusionment. Say your prayers and hold onto your expense reports—we’re about to take a business trip to the underworld. 🐦 [Tweet this!]( 🌐 [View this email on the web]( [Quartz Obsession] Hell September 27, 2019 Hell is a raw deal --------------------------------------------------------------- Hell is many things to many people. [In the Bible]( and [the Quran]( hell is a place of fiery, eternal torment for sinners. Mahayana Buddhist sutras count [eight icy cold hells]( where those with bad karma watch their skin turn blue and crack while they await reincarnation. The Gilgamesh epic records the ancient Mesopotamian belief that hell is a glum, dusty place, where good and bad souls alike “[drink dirt and eat stone]( But for a lot of penitent souls, hell is big business. It’s a place where sinners can buy or bribe their way out of torment; where lavish rituals on earth can determine one’s fate in the afterlife; and where, if you’re foolish or daring enough, you can cut a deal. Some even see the workplace as a modern hell for secular workaholics who resign themselves to the earthly torments of burnout and disillusionment. Say your prayers and hold onto your expense reports—we’re about to take a business trip to the underworld. 🐦 [Tweet this!]( 🌐 [View this email on the web]( Giphy A brief history of the Devil’s deals [6th century:]( Theophilus of Adana becomes the first man to sell his soul to Satan, in exchange for a position as a bishop. Wracked with guilt, he appeals to the Virgin Mary, who intercedes on his behalf and frees him from his contract. [999:]( Gerbert of Aurillac, a Christian scholar who studied in Muslim Spain, becomes Pope Sylvester II. His enemies whisper that he gained his office through a deal with a demon he conjured with the help of his heretic teachers. (According to another tale, he [won the papacy in a game of dice]( with the Devil.) [13th century:]( A monk completes the Codex Gigas, a massive 165-pound (75-kilogram) bible featuring an eerie full-page drawing of the Devil. Historians estimate that [it would have taken a single scribe 30 years to finish]( legend has it that he struck a satanic deal to bang it out in one night. [1587:]( A Frankfurt printer publishes the chapbook Historia von D. Johann Fausten, an early version of the Faust legend that inspires Christopher Marlowe and Johann Wolfgang von Goethe to write their classic tales of a scholar who sells his soul to the Devil for earthly knowledge and power. [1668:]( In an early piece of performance art, Austrian painter Christoph Haizmann sells his soul to the Devil, draws up two contracts written in ink and blood to document the sale, and depicts the transaction in several paintings. Later, the case becomes an object of fascination for psychologists [including Sigmund Freud](. [1678:]( Dutch East India captain Bernard Fokke sails from the Netherlands to Java in just over three months, spawning yarns that he had sold his soul to the Devil to become the fastest sailor alive, and inspiring the legend of the Flying Dutchman. [ca. 1930:]( Blues legend Robert Johnson supposedly meets the Devil at a crossroads in the Mississippi Delta and sells his soul for his supernatural guitar talent. Quotable “How! now in hell! Nay, an this be hell, I’ll willingly be damn’d here.” —A glib Doctor Faustus, [gloating after selling his soul to the Devil]( in Christopher Marlowe’s 16th century play. Reuters/Ralph Orlowski TALES FROM THE CRYPT Sometimes you can take it with you --------------------------------------------------------------- In some religious traditions, the fate of the damned depended on living relatives paying for the right rituals and offerings. In Chinese mythology, the land of the dead, called Diyu, isn’t an exact parallel to the Christian notion of Hell, but it is a place of hellish bureaucracy. Magistrates [preside over 10 different domains]( and penitent souls stand trial before them to determine which ghastly punishments they’ll have to suffer. But just as in earthly courts, the judges are open to bribes, which living relatives can supply in the form of rituals and ceremonial offerings. To secure lenience for their ancestors, a relative might burn fake cash known as “[hell money]( or paper effigies of food, clothes, or cars. Ancient Egyptians believed that after death [their hearts would be weighed against a feather]( on the scales of justice. If they balanced, your soul was pure and you would be admitted to the heavenly Field of Reeds, where you would farm fertile land forever. Balance didn’t require that you lived a completely blameless life—just that your good deeds evened out your bad ones. And if they didn’t, [purchasing the right spells and amulets]( or [adorning your tomb with the right prayers, offerings, and affidavits of innocence]( could tip the scales in your favor. But if you had lived a life of sin and you waltzed into the afterlife without an offering up your mummified sleeve, your heart would sink past the feather and your soul would be fed to the crocodile-headed goddess Ammit (known as [the “Bone Eater” and “Devourer of Millions”](. Playlist Music to sell your soul to --------------------------------------------------------------- Musicians have been making deals with Satan since at least 1713, when Italian composer and violinist Giuseppe Tartini swapped his soul for the “[Devil’s Trill Sonata]( Ever since, artists have been writing songs about their exploits with the Devil and dark magic. We’ve compiled some of our favorites here. ORIGIN STORY Selling salvation --------------------------------------------------------------- In the 11th century, the Catholic church [stumbled upon a wonder-product]( the indulgence. Indulgences were, and are, a spiritual solution for sinners looking to shave time off their stay in Purgatory—a place of painful purification that isn’t quite hell. Indulgences come in two brands: plenary, which wipe out your whole term in Purgatory, and partial, which knock off a stretch of years or months or days. All this salvation was (and still is) [covered by the treasury of merit]( a trust fund of mercy endowed by Jesus and administered by the Pope. And deep-pocketed sinners could buy a share of that mercy in exchange for donations toward holy projects like the construction of cathedrals. Business boomed until the early 16th century, when a German friar named [Johann Tetzel hit the road as a traveling indulgence salesman]( preaching that the devout could buy indulgences for their dead loved ones. He is credited with the catchy sales pitch, “When a penny in the coffer rings, a soul from Purgatory springs!” Tetzel’s unsavory tactics were part of what inspired another German friar, Martin Luther, to write his 95 Theses, launch the [Protestant Reformation]( and fragment Christendom into dozens of sects. As damage control, Pope Pius V banned the sale of indulgences in 1567. But indulgences never quite died. Pope John Paul II [revived the practice in 2000]( as “a happy incentive” for sinners to confess. In 2013, Pope Francis brought indulgences into the digital age, [offering them up in exchange for Twitter followers](. Fun fact! Most stories about deals with the Devil end poorly for the protagonist. But according to legend, Icelandic folk hero [Sæmundur fróði sold his soul to Satan several times]( always found a loophole he could exploit to avoid paying up. Have a friend who would enjoy our Obsession with Hell? [ [Forward link to a friend](mailto:?subject=Thought you'd enjoy.&body=Read this Quartz Obsession email – to the email – Giphy MILLION-DOLLAR QUESTION How did work become hell? --------------------------------------------------------------- In The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism, [sociologist Max Weber famously theorized that Protestants’ anxieties about heaven and hell]( made them especially effective capitalists. Some sects, like the Calvinist Puritans who colonized New England and exerted an outsize influence on American culture, believed that God had long ago decided who would go to heaven and who would go to hell. They saw hard work—and success—as [solid proof that they were on God’s good side](. Although the Puritans’ religious zeal has faded from American life, their obsession with work has spread. Derek Thompson [argues in The Atlantic]( that modern workers look for meaning in their jobs in the same way that worshipers used to look to their gods, but it’s “a diabolical game that creates a prize so tantalizing yet rare that almost nobody wins, but everybody feels obligated to play forever.” Because we so infrequently find the fulfillment we’re looking for at work, Jonathan Malesic writes in The New Republic that [our offices have become a sort of secular hell](. But, he argues, “if Americans can learn to think of work in less lofty terms, then we might begin to appreciate its material value—wages, benefits, time off, pensions—and lessen the agony it brings.” take me down this 🐰 hole! Jonathan Malesic is far from the first person to think of work as hell. Before Matt Groening created The Simpsons, he was a cartoonist known for chronicling the depressing lives of humanoid rabbits in a strip called Life in Hell. His work-related cartoons have been gathered and published as a book, [Work Is Hell]( which would make a charming secret Santa present [for a certain kind of boss](. Watch this! A gentleman’s bet with Beelzebub --------------------------------------------------------------- In [the Charlie Daniels Band’s bluegrass classic]( “The Devil Went Down to Georgia,” a country boy named Johnny agrees to wager his soul against a golden fiddle in a musical battle with Lucifer. The music video for this cover by Primus features a delightful claymation reenactment. Giphy Poll Is your job hell? [Click here to vote]( I am wracked with the torment of biblical hellfireI am as bored as a dead Mesopotamian eating dustHeavens, no—it’s paradise! (My boss is standing behind me.) 💬let's talk! 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