No Name, Kraft and burn

[Image]( EMAIL}/redirect (Advertisement) Kraft Heinz just needs to let its turnaround plans bake a little longer before releasing it to the public. At least that’s what the company said when it announced poor Q4 results yesterday. The Oscar Meyer weiners saw net sales decline 5.1% from the prior year, despite higher prices for its products, coming in at $6.54B, short of $6.61B estimates. Plans for the company’s turnaround were also delayed from March until May… which oughta be just enough time to come up with a cockamamie plan that’s so crazy it might just work. Kraft’s stock dropped 7% after-hours trading and is down 41% since last year. The delay comes as the company wants to give new head of the US zone Carlos Abrams-Rivera time to settle in after poaching him from Campbell’s Soup in January. EMAIL}/redirect (Advertisement) Impaired judgment In addition to the poor earnings, the purveyor of condiments and other main course accompaniment announced that it is taking a $666M impairment charge thanks to the value of some of its acquired brands going down. $213M of that is related to a write-down of the Maxwell House coffee brand because... even my grandparents switched to K-cups. Sadly, this is only the latest round of write-downs for America’s (former) favorite individually wrapped yellow American cheese slice packager. Kraft Heinz wrote down its namesake and Oscar Meyer brands to the tune of $15.4B this time last year, and things have been a sh*t show ever since. Apparently, and buzz words like "millennial" and "digital" somehow never made it into the strategic outlook meetings. The bottom line... Don’t get me wrong, I love ketchup as much as the next 12 year old in a grown man’s body, but the company has not adapted to the times at all. Millennials aren’t buying brand name products like they used to, and barriers to entry for products like pasta, cookies, and coffee have dropped significantly. CEO Miguel Patricio and Abrams-Rivera have their work cut out for them.Times, they are a changin'. EMAIL}/redirect (Advertisement) ☑️ Funding secured. After vehemently denying that his company would go to capital markets to raise funds, Elon Musk has changed his tune. Stay off the weed, Treelon. Tesla is looking to raise $2B through a stock sale in order to fund a massive expansion. Turns out building new factories in Germany and China ain’t cheap. Musk himself plans to buy $10M and underwriters will have the option to purchase $300M worth of shares. The filing also included details of an investigation launched by the SEC as to the regular financial agreements that Tesla operates under. The EV makers auditor, PwC, apparently narced them out to the SEC and raised “critical audit matters” that led to the investigation. My fingers are crossed that this leads to financial misstatement! ☑️ The golden goose. Italian luxury sneaker brand, Golden Goose was gobbled up by private equity firm Permira for $1.05B. That’s a lot of sneaks. The brand boasts celebrity purchasers Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez, who pay up to $435 per pair. Dr. Martens owner, Permira is buying the Golden Goose from US buyout firm, Carlyle Group, who helped the company expand from seven stores and $108M in sales to ninety stores and $280M. Stratton Oakmont is expected to facilitate an IPO. ☑️ All the Way Down. Wayfair is cutting 3% of its job force, or about 500 workers, as the company has struggled to become profitable. In fact, Wayfair hasn’t had a profitable quarter since the furniture and home good company went public in 2014. I wonder if that still qualifies them for a participation trophy. The company is valued at $8.2B but shares fell 13% on the news yesterday, and just over 24% in the past year. Wayfair’s entire business model is in question. Shipping things like sofas can be expensive, especially when customers return the goods. It will report Q4, including Holiday earnings on February 28, and investors will hope to see narrowing losses. ☑️ What a Looker. Google announced that it officially closed the $2.4B deal that saw the tech giant purchase data analytics company, Looker. This was the first move made under Thomas Kurian in his new role as the head of Google’s Cloud division, and one that the company is, *clears throat* lookingforward to growing. One key to the deal is that Looker will continue to provide services for companies that use platforms other than Google’s cloud. Huawei would be proud. 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