":: Searching for My Own Body ::" by Yesenia Montilla

[View this email on a browser]( [Forward to a friend]( [facebook-icon]( [tumblr-icon]( [twitter-icon]( December 12, 2018 [:: Searching for My Own Body ::]( [Yesenia Montilla]( Which is to say that like a good theoretical objectified body, my identity was created not by me but by the various desires and beliefs of those around me. – Daniel Borzutzky My body is a small cave door it’s a slick whale a jubilant sea of tall grass that sways & makes its way across countries & lovers I love love-making I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t interested in touch I have these breasts & some would want to come on hands & knees to worship them call me flower or desert Maybe I was only supposed to be stone or a baby eel long & layered a nun? I don’t remember ever saying yes just no I am searching for my own body not the one I was told is so I want to be always open like a canyon Maybe I was only supposed to be tree or temple In some circles I am just an open gate a sinful bauble 
 Once someone said you are this & I never questioned it I am searching my own body for God or someone like her— [Like this on Facebook]( [Share via Twitter]( Copyright © 2018 Yesenia Montilla. Used with permission of the author. [Montilla reads ":: Searching for My Own Body ::."]( About This Poem “I was in a room full of women, discussing the #MeToo movement, and it was no surprise to me that we were all survivors. Later, the one man who had been in the space says to me, ‘I was shocked. That was a shock. Were you shocked?’ And I just said ‘no’ quietly, sitting with the heaviness of twenty women of different backgrounds, faiths, identities, upbringings, everything, having suffered a very similar fate at the hands of men. Much later, I came back to the Borzutzky quote and tried to unpack it against my own sense of self, my own love of body, of consensual touch, and maybe even tried to give some power back to these women. I think I was trying to figure out how I had not gotten to this poem sooner.” —Yesenia Montilla [Yesenia Montilla]( Yesenia Montilla is the author of The Pink Box (Aquarius Press, 2015). A CantoMundo fellow, she lives in New York City. Photo Credit: Ana Leiva [more-at-poets]( [The Pink Box]( Poetry by Montilla [The Pink Box]( (Aquarius Press, 2015) "Self-Portrait in the Nude" by Allison Funk [read-more]( "On Contemplating the Breasts of Pauline Lumumba" by Brenda Marie Osbey [read-more]( "Heavy" by Hieu Minh Nguyen [read-more]( December Guest Editor: Carmen Giménez Smith Thanks to Carmen Giménez Smith, author of Cruel Futures (City Lights Publishers, 2018), who curated Poem-a-Day for this month’s weekdays. Read more about [Giménez Smith]( and our [guest editors for the year.]( [make a one-time donation]( [make a monthly donation]( [Small-Blue-RGB-poets.org-Logo]( Thanks for being a part of the Academy of American Poets community. To learn about other programs, including National Poetry Month, Poem in Your Pocket Day, the annual Poets Forum, and more, visit [Poets.org](. You are receiving this e-mail because you elected to subscribe to our mailing list. If you would like to unsubscribe, please click [here](. © Academy of American Poets 75 Maiden Lane, Suite 901, New York, NY 10038