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A letter from the editor
MAY 7TH, 2018
Monday Motivation: Ever Get The Feeling The People Around You Could Support You More?
Wondering if those around you are helping or hindering you?? Check out this excerpt from my new book!
There’s an old saying that says you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. I’m not prepared to think of myself as average and neither should you, but I take the point. The people we surround ourselves with have a major impact on our lives – from our emotions to our health, and of course, to our productivity. As much as I’ve been encouraging you to embrace your own goals and to listen to your opinions first, it’s essential that you acknowledge the power of the people around you. The truth is, some people lift you up and some people drain you. And in the same way that I’ve asked you to stop allowing distractions from slowing you down, I’m asking you to look at the people around you and see if you have people in your life that are holding you back. If you think of your personal community as an eco-system, is yours a supportive eco-system that allows you to flourish, or are there toxic corners that leave you feeling like crap?
So how do you get your group together? It’s going to mean taking a hard look at the people around you, potentially distancing yourself from some and getting closer to others. You may realize that you need to cultivate new relationships in order to cast your dream team. Now, to be clear, I’m not talking about analyzing every relationship you have. The fondness you feel for your cousin Bobby, a complete slacker who’s never going to help you with a damn thing, can remain unchanged. What we’re looking at is the network you need to meet your Big 3 Goals.
Of course, you can be productive in an environment where you’re not supported by those around you. We all know stories of people overcoming this kind of obstacle. But it’s not easy. And why not put yourself in the best possible position to succeed? Not having a positive environment has real consequences to your ability to reach your goals. In fact, a study at the University of Warwick found that unhappy employees were 10 per cent less productive than happy ones. Research in brain science shows us that humans are more focused and creative – essential for productivity – when we feel positive. We can problem solve more easily and get burned out less.
The people you’re close to tell the world a lot about you, but more importantly they tell you what you’re worth. It feels simple enough to be common sense. If we just meet and I tell you most of my friends are unemployed and that my family would rather stay home than travel, you’re going to make some assumptions about me. You’ll probably see me as someone without a lot life experience or the ambition to get it. But if we’re introduced and I describe my friends as leaders in their fields you’re likely to assume I’m on a similar track.
And there’s a good chance you’d be right. Humans are mirroring machines. Several years ago women’s magazines screamed with headlines that warned your friends might make you fat. You won’t be surprised to hear the truth is just a little more complicated than that. Researches Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler relied on a long-term, wide range research conducted by The National Heart Institute to look at how the people around us play into our emotional and physical health.
6 Toxic People to Watch Out For
You can find toxic people anywhere, sadly. You might sit next to one at work, have a long-standing frenemy relationship with one, or worst of all, have one in your family. You know you have a toxic person in your life because you’ll often feel drained after spending time with them. You feel anxious around them and worry about their moods. Sometimes you even find yourself mirroring their behavior. To sum up: These people are poison. Luckily, though, they’re pretty easy to spot.
Emotional Bullies
You never know what you’re going to get with this person. One day she’s cracking jokes and listening with interest to your stories about your weekend. But the next day she’s a black cloud in a dress. You wonder if you’ve done something to offend her. Pretty soon you realize you’re walking on eggshells with every encounter.
The Victim
Victims are tricky. You’re likely to feel sorry for them at first and be drawn into their troubles. You’ll want to be helpful and supportive. But you soon realize that nothing is ever this person’s responsibility. The world is unfair to the victim and if you’re going to have a relationship with this person you have to be prepared for the constant support they need. Plus, it’s only a matter of time before they feel victimized by you.
The Judge
This person’s weapon of choice is their disdain. They move through life like an eye-roll emoji. Every idea put forward is dumb, no plan being created will ever work. Don’t expect this person to offer their own suggestions, they’re not risk takers and they don’t want you to be either.
The Envious
This person is a score keeper and things are never in their favor enough. In this person’s world, there isn’t enough to go around. You won’t see this person cheering a friend or colleagues’ success – they’re too busy wondering why they didn’t get that promotion or opportunity.
The Passive Aggressive
This can be a tricky person to get a handle on. Passive Aggressives use emotions subtly to control others. If you’re working on a project with this person and her idea doesn’t get chosen, rather than move on or express disappointment, she will quietly stew, and then resist progress through being late to meetings or misplacing materials. If you ask her what’s wrong she’ll say nothing but you’ll continue to feel her low-level anger.
The Gossip
At first, the gossip can be a fun friend or workmate. They seem to know everything about everyone and, let’s be honest, who doesn’t like to have the inside scoop? But it doesn’t take long to realize this person takes a little too much pleasure in the misfortune of others. How long until it’s your shortcomings being dissected?
The Pessimist
This person complains. A lot. But they express their negativity and paranoia with such confidence you can start to ask yourself if you’re seeing things clearly. Maybe your boss is trying to undermine everyone on staff.
Want to know how to get your productivity posse together? Check out my [new book, How To Get Sh*t Done: Why Women Need To Stop Doing Everything So They Can Achieve Anything](
Have a wonderful week!
Be Well,
Erin
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