Operation Cocaine Bear: Fed Edition

“Oh.” [Altucher Confidential] April 21, 2023 [WEBSITE]( | [UNSUBSCRIBE]( The government’s current solution to inflation, AKA Operation Cocaine Bear, threatens to throttle the economy into a depression. But there is a magic bullet. [Hero_Image] Operation Cocaine Bear: Fed Edition By Chris Campbell ***THE VICE PRESIDENT’S OFFICIAL MESSAGE*** This is a special courtesy reminder from the Vice President Of Publishing Alerting you to a major opportunity in our business... …that could have a direct and immediate impact on your financial future. [Click Here to see the Vice President of Publishing's 2-minute clip explaining everything](. [Chris Campbell] CHRIS CAMPBELL Dear Reader, On September 11, 1985, former narcotics-officer-turned-drug-smuggler Andrew C. Thornton II and his accomplice were trafficking cocaine from Colombia into the US. As they soared through the skies in their Cessna 404 Titan, it dawned on them that the FBI was onto them. Panicked, they dumped 75 pounds of cocaine into the sprawling wilderness below, before reluctantly bidding farewell to their beloved aircraft high above the expanse of Knoxville, Tennessee. Thornton was hoping to survive, but his parachute had other plans, leaving him to plummet earthwards and land in a manner that was decidedly less than soft. One can only speculate, but I'd wager that one of the last things that crossed his consciousness -- especially after a hard tug at the string garnered an unfortunate response from his backpack -- was something akin to an emphatic, "Oh." Fast forward to December 23, 1985: Cocaine Bear Georgia officials stumbled upon an unusual discovery -- a lifeless 175-pound black bear surrounded by $20 million worth of cocaine (that’s an eye-watering $55.6 million in today's currency). Some estimates suggest the bear ate half its body weight in the white lightning, dying on the spot. Thus began the legend of the Cocaine Bear. To add insult to injury, his stuffed body now sits in a Kentucky mall. Worse, by some weird quirk in Kentucky marriage law, he can apparently officiate weddings, like some cheap Elvis impersonator in Vegas. And the topper… His story has inspired a 2023 horror comedy thriller film that took more than a few liberties; the bear is 500 pounds and it goes on a bloody rampage. The effects of the Devil’s Dandruff on the bear remain as mysterious as his motivation to eat so much of it in the first place. Of course, one could imagine some clandestine government bureau diligently allocating millions to fund a study administering cocaine to bears, though the truth would elude us still. We can at least guess that, at some juncture, the bewildered bear must have had an epiphany regarding the consequences of its indulgence. Undoubtedly, it would have articulated something akin to the bearish translation of that ever-universal sentiment: “Oh.” Fast forward to 2023: Bingo Bango There’s an analogy here, however lumpy, to the Federal Reserve. Hear me out. Let's imagine the wilderness represents the US economy, and Jay Powell, naturally, is the former monetary officer-turned-lunatic-stimulus-smuggler. See, just like the guys who dropped $20 million worth of cocaine into the wild, the Fed injected trillions of dollars of liquidity into the system. But this time, the bear ate TWICE its body weight of the Bolivian Marching Powder. And then it wreaked havoc on millions of innocent people just trying to follow the well-worn economic footpaths. How will this sequel end? We don’t know yet. Hopefully Bingo Bango -- the smuggler’s accomplice -- helped fold the parachute correctly. But, let’s be honest. Is there anyone left who still clings to the hope of a super soft landing? For those who do, they may soon find themselves like Andrew, plummeting dirtbound. And as the ground rushes up to meet them, a single thought may flash forward before the screen fades to black: "Oh." Fast forward to the 2150s: Urgent From James Altucher! Hey, it’s James Altucher. I just announced a massive new change to Altucher’s Investment Network, and as one of my readers I wanted to make sure you know what’s going on. [Click here now to see my urgent announcement.]( The Secret Cure With the Fed… the Inflation Reduction Act… the Green New Deal… and a whole host of new whiz bangs about to fly through the hopper… The government’s current solution to inflation, AKA Operation Cocaine Bear, threatens to throttle the economy into a depression. Not ideal. Yet, fear not, for there may be a glimmer of hope shining faintly at the end of this dark, murky tunnel of economic despair. The other night, Elon Musk mentioned it during an interview with Tucker Carlson. While he acknowledged there's no magic bullet for inflation, he then described precisely that: a magic bullet. Grow the economy and cut government spending. Easy as that. Get the government out of the way. Slash useless regulations. Banish predatory taxes. Abolish wasted spending. Then, bureaucrats can go find real jobs. (Hey, maybe they can learn to code.) Alas, reality paints with a different brush… One where perhaps the US economy lumbers along the same well-worn path as Cokey the Bear. Inevitably, future historians will scratch their heads, wondering how we could be so foolish. Hindsight will be abundant, while foresight will seem all too scarce. And yet, on a long enough timeline, memories are fickle. Our errors will transform into hazy events from a distant past when humanity was far less clever and far more naive. And as the people of the future behold this déjà vu of human ineptitude unfurling before their eyes, akin to the failed deployment of a parachute, they will sigh and mutter that eternally weary word of capitulation: “Oh.” Until next week, [Chris Campbell] Chris Campbell For Altucher Confidential --------------------------------------------------------------- Urgent Notice From Paradigm CIO Zach Scheidt! Click here for more... Hi, Zach Scheidt here… I’m the Chief Income Officer at Paradigm Press. With inflation raging (and showing no signs of coming to an end any time soon), almost everyone in America is feeling the pain in a big way. Which is why, several months ago, I set out on a big mission… my goal was to create a [complete, step-by-step plan to surviving and beating inflation]( one that anyone could take advantage of. Today, after hundreds of hours of research, I’m revealing all of my findings. 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