In Radical Move, Indian Women Stay Single

www.ozy.com [OZY]( OZY A Modern Media Company Share This Sh*t December 06, 2022 Share This Sh*t [The drop]( IN RADICAL MOVE, INDIAN WOMEN STAY SINGLE More and more women in India are pushing back on the pressure to settle down by putting themselves, their careers and even single motherhood ahead of finding a husband. Independent Women Neeta Lal in New Delhi [@Neeta_com]( Sangeeta Das, 51, walked out of her five-year marriage in 2012 when her photographer husband refused to honor the couple’s previous decision to have kids. The New Delhi-based freelance graphic designer, keen to be a mom, was even willing to adopt. But her husband would have none of it, fearing that a child would rob them of their freedom. “It was a deal breaker for me, so I opted out,” she recalls. Das has since dated several men but none she feels “compelled” to marry. There’s been pressure from relatives, as well, to tie the knot, with some even warning her that her “ovaries will dry up” and she won’t be able to conceive. But Das is resolute about not giving in to social pressure, saying, “I’m an independent and financially secure woman.” Those who are single frequently have to face scrutiny from relatives and neighbors as to why they want to remain single. - Shivani Misri Sadhoo Vrinda Vats, 27, has her own reasons to remain single. She says marriage puts her off because it means “a compromise on my freedom.” The French language teacher, based in the northern city of Bahadurgarh, has instead adopted three daughters who are her family now. “I’m happily single and don’t feel the urge to walk down the aisle simply because society has such an expectation from me. I wanted to be a mom, so I’m joyfully fulfilling that role without feeling the need to be a wife first.” Das and Vats are part of a growing tribe of Indian women who are opting to remain single by choice. According to the last census data, the number of single Indian women — widows, never-married, divorced and abandoned — surged from 51.2 million in 2001 to 71.4 million in 2011. According to more recent [statistics by IndiaSpend](, an independent data collating agency, single women constitute 12% of India’s female population, or roughly 73 million, the highest ever. The National Statistical Office report also states that the percentage of India’s unmarried female population aged 15-29 years has spiked from 13.5% to 19.9% between 2011 and 2019. Experts say these numbers are indicative of a tectonic societal shift in highly conservative India, where women’s identities are closely intertwined with their marital status, childbearing capacity and as dependents on their sons post-widowhood. “Indian society is still largely patriarchal and gender inequality is deeply entrenched,” says therapist and marriage counselor [Shivani Misri Sadhoo](. “Those who are single frequently have to face scrutiny from relatives and neighbors as to why they want to remain single.” Be that as it may, Sadhoo says the stigmas that prevented women from remaining single or leaving abusive marriages are slowly fading, allowing them to exit fraying relationships or not enter into matrimony simply because they’re expected to. “Education and financial freedom have changed the playing field,” she says. “Today’s women don’t want to tolerate any unfair power display by a male partner. As many women are well educated and earning, they prefer not to stay in a relationship that does not respect equality.” Reasons to Wait Many women say they aren’t opposed to the institution of marriage per se, but struggle to find Mr. Right. Delhi-based Shalini Pradhan (not her real name) says she was so “disgusted” with an endless parade of prospective grooms that she’s shelved her plan to marry, at least for the foreseeable future. “Most of the suitors’ families,” adds the journalist, “were only interested in whether I could cook, take care of the home and in-laws post marriage. I come from a progressive family and my parents had an intercaste marriage. This was a shocker for me. Till I get a partner who respects me, I prefer to remain single.” Pradhan rues that many senior women in her circle have stayed in marriages despite facing spousal abuse. “They were financially dependent on their husbands. But the younger generation of women are educated and empowered. They don’t need a financial crutch, hence the change,” she explains. Nor is it necessary to marry a man to become a mom. Indian laws have become increasingly progressive, allowing single women to adopt kids should they so desire. According to Central Adoption Resources Authority guidelines, issued by the Ministry of Women and Child Development in 2015, single women above the age of 24 can adopt a child of any gender. Single women are stereotyped as choosy, sexually promiscuous or ‘difficult.’ - Shivani Misri Sadhoo Bollywood, the Hindi movie industry, is leading by example. Many stars — such as Sushmita Sen, Tusshar Kapoor and Ekta Kapoor — have adopted kids as single parents. Vats, who was inspired by the women around her to adopt her three daughters, says motherhood “fulfills” her emotionally. However, the growing number of single women in the country is not indicative of broader empowerment or emancipation. Society is still judgmental, and single women are plagued by sundry prejudices. Sadhoo points out that single women are often prone to emotional blackmailing by parents. “Single women are stereotyped as choosy, sexually promiscuous or ‘difficult,’” she adds. Other challenges are more bureaucratic, like paperwork that requires a husband’s name on forms for buying property. Some schools also insist on having the father’s name on forms even if the parent is a single mom. “Getting a house on rent when I was working outside my hometown was a nightmare as discrimination against single women tenants is widely prevalent,” says Delhi-based author [Sreemoyee Piu Kundu](. “I’ve also been judged and lectured by prominent women gynecologists on not having kids as I suffer from PCOD and endometriosis,” she shares, referring to polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), also known as polycystic ovary disease. The 44-year-old admits that, though she has never been pressured into settling down by a certain age, “At weddings, my mother probes as to why I’m single. I am also constantly reminded that, after my parents, I’ll be all alone in this world.” Kundu, who lives with her aging parents, fosters a girl child. “I come from a pretty progressive and liberal family. And my own mother, who was a young widow and primary caregiver and breadwinner to her aging parents as an only daughter, remarried in her mid 40s,” she adds. EPISODE 3 NOW STREAMING! Featuring Genevieve Channelle & Keia Kodama We’re showing the West Coast the sneaker love they deserve! In this episode, we’re headed to Sacramento to shine a light on two women doing it big – but doing it their way. Go shopping with our host, Kia, and Genevieve Channelle, and listen in as they discuss everything from how she got started as a sneakercollector, her most expensive pair, and how she transitioned her love of sneakers to a love of creating content strategies with her favorite brands. Then come kick it with us and sneaker visionary, Keia Kodama, as we turn a sneaker D-I-Y into something F-L-Y, and experience her art, which is housed at the Crocker Museum. [WATCH HERE]( Strength in Numbers Happily unmarried, Kundu was inspired to write Status Single, a book about unwed women in their mid-30s and 40s who are increasingly enjoying both life and work. It features 3,000 urban single women and their diverse stories. The book’s success spurred the birth of another project, a dedicated support network — also called Status Single — that [launched as a Facebook group]( in 2018. It is now a physical community with a presence in 10 cities as well as upcoming branches in Dubai and the United Kingdom. Some women say the pandemic also whittled down opportunities for dating, delaying prospects of marriage and chances of motherhood. “We host meetups regularly and embrace all sorts of single women — unmarried, divorced, widowed, separated, abandoned, differently abled, and those from the LGBTQIA+ community,” says Kundu. “We aim to become an international support community. Like an alumnus, if you move from one city to the other, you can join in,” she elaborates. Also facilitating women’s decisions to stay single are advances in the medical field. Indian fertility clinics have registered a [25% spike]( in the number of women freezing their eggs to keep their childbearing options open. Doctors say many women are delaying motherhood either because of a demanding career or because they did not prioritize having a family. Some women say the pandemic also whittled down opportunities for dating, delaying prospects of marriage and chances of motherhood. Hence, a growing number of urban, career-oriented, single women, mostly aged 32-38, are preserving their ova to use later, a process known as social egg freezing or mature oocyte cryopreservation. “Egg freezing is a viable option as a ticking biological clock shouldn’t drive women to rush into having a child,” explains Dr. Madhu Kakkar of Max Life Hospital in New Delhi. “While early menopause and premature ovarian failure can also affect egg supply, egg freezing ensures women will be able to use their own eggs and have biological children later.” Ultimately, says Pradhan, singledom comes with its own share of risks and rewards. “There are days I cry myself to sleep because I’ve been hurt by someone commenting meanly on my single status. But, increasingly, such episodes are outweighed by occasions when I thrive in my freedom and unencumbered existence. And I wouldn’t have it any other way!” COMMUNITY CORNER How will record numbers of single women affect Indian society? Tell us your thoughts! [SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS HERE]( Michael McConaughey on The Carlos Watson Show]( [WATCH NOW]( [TV]( | [PODCASTS]( | [NEWS]( | [FESTIVALS]( OZY is a diverse, global and forward-looking media and entertainment company focused on “the New and the Next.” OZY creates space for fresh perspectives, and offers new takes on everything from news and culture to technology, business, learning and entertainment. #OZYMedia, #TheDrop OZY Media, 800 West El Camino Mountain View, California 94040 This email was sent to {EMAIL} [Unsubscribe]( | [Privacy Policy]( | [Read Online](