Opinion Today: Let’s put an end to this dangerous myth in America

We don’t actually have to go it alone. In fact, life might be better if we didn’t. [View in browser](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP4QoAWh0dHBzOi8vbWVzc2FnaW5nLWN1c3RvbS1uZXdzbGV0dGVycy5ueXRpbWVzLmNvbS90ZW1wbGF0ZS9vYWt2Mj9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDMxMCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NzMxNSZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnByb2R1Y3RDb2RlPVRZJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjczNzAmdGU9MSZ1cmk9bnl0JTNBJTJGJTJGbmV3c2xldHRlciUyRjcwMDJiMTk3LTc3N2MtNTliNy04YTk3LTliMTk2ZTk2ZDhhNSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmQJTCoLZNDLowJSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~)|[nytimes.com](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP0SwaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjMwMzEwJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg3MzE1Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNzM3MCZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZAlMKgtk0MujAlIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA)[Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-ad-marquee) [Marquee Ad](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP0SYaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9MTYyMTM5JmxpPVRZJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1UWV8yMDIzMDMxMCZ0ZT0xJm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAzMTBXA255dEIKZAlMKgtk0MujAlIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Read more from Opinion](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP0S_aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vc2VjdGlvbi9vcGluaW9uP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjMwMzEwJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg3MzE1Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNzM3MCZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZAlMKgtk0MujAlIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) March 10, 2023 [Author Headshot] By Vanessa Mobley Op-Ed Editor Dependence is a tricky thing in American society. Children are celebrated for steps toward independence, couples are chided for shades of codependence and, of course, with great pride the former president declared, “[I alone can fix it](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP4QBAWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm55dGltZXMuY29tLzIwMTcvMDIvMTcvb3Bpbmlvbi9pLWFsb25lLWNhbi1maXgtaXQtcHJlc2lkZW50LXRydW1wLXdoaXRlLWhvdXNlLWFwcHJlbnRpY2UuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDMxMCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NzMxNSZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjczNzAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmQJTCoLZNDLowJSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~).” [In a guest essay this week](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP0TZaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMy8wOS9vcGluaW9uL2FydC1vZi1kZXBlbmRlbmNlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAzMTAmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODczMTUmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI3MzcwJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpkCUwqC2TQy6MCUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~), Alissa Quart examines why Americans simultaneously revere independence even while we suffer from anxiety and loneliness. By calling for the cultivation of “the art of dependence,” she argues that needing other people and caring for them is an overlooked strength we all possess. Yet, Quart points out, “when we do get assistance, we may feel we must play down the help we receive from our government, our families or our neighbors.” Quart is a reporter, poet, social critic, author and executive director of the Economic Hardship Project, which supports independent journalism. She also describes herself as a mother and friend. With all of those roles, the very basic need for human interdependence asserts itself. What can we do? [In her essay](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP0TZaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMy8wOS9vcGluaW9uL2FydC1vZi1kZXBlbmRlbmNlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAzMTAmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODczMTUmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI3MzcwJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpkCUwqC2TQy6MCUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) Quart explains how we can harmonize even seemingly irreconcilable obligations, like being a mother and a worker. Even if you consider yourself self-made, self-sufficient and self-sustaining, she reminds readers that the independence they prize could one day abandon them. Maybe when our solo ways of life break down, we’ll find better ways to live. [Read the full essay here](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP0TZaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMy8wOS9vcGluaW9uL2FydC1vZi1kZXBlbmRlbmNlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAzMTAmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODczMTUmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI3MzcwJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpkCUwqC2TQy6MCUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~). [[Article Image] Paola Saliby](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP0TZaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMy8wOS9vcGluaW9uL2FydC1vZi1kZXBlbmRlbmNlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAzMTAmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODczMTUmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI3MzcwJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpkCUwqC2TQy6MCUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [GUEST ESSAY Can We Put an End to America’s Most Dangerous Myth? Americans are taught that they have to go it alone. But what if we also valued the art of dependence? By Alissa Quart](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP0TZaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMy8wOS9vcGluaW9uL2FydC1vZi1kZXBlbmRlbmNlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAzMTAmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODczMTUmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI3MzcwJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpkCUwqC2TQy6MCUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-universal-0) ADVERTISEMENT [Ad](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP0SXaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9NTk3ODUmbGk9VFkmbT1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkNyZwPVRZXzIwMjMwMzEwJnRlPTEmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDMxMFcDbnl0QgpkCUwqC2TQy6MCUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) Here’s what we’re focusing on today: Editors’ Picks [GUEST ESSAY Homesteaders, Libertarians, Back-to-the-Landers — They Adore Him. Can He Change the G.O.P.? 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By David Brooks](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP0TbaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMy8wOS9vcGluaW9uL3Byb2dyZXNzaXZlLXNhZG5lc3MuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDMxMCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NzMxNSZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjczNzAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmQJTCoLZNDLowJSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP0TbaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMy8wOS9vcGluaW9uL3Byb2dyZXNzaXZlLXNhZG5lc3MuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDMxMCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NzMxNSZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjczNzAmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmQJTCoLZNDLowJSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [GUEST ESSAY For Asian Film Stars, a Hard-Won Triumph 100 Years in the Making This year the Oscars are celebrating an unprecedented number of Asian artists. The recognition is long overdue. By Katie Gee Salisbury](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP0TmaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMy8xMC9vcGluaW9uL29zY2Fycy1hc2lhbi1ob2xseXdvb2QtaGlzdG9yeS5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjMwMzEwJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg3MzE1Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNzM3MCZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZAlMKgtk0MujAlIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP0TmaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMy8xMC9vcGluaW9uL29zY2Fycy1hc2lhbi1ob2xseXdvb2QtaGlzdG9yeS5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjMwMzEwJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg3MzE1Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNzM3MCZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZAlMKgtk0MujAlIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-universal-1) ADVERTISEMENT [Ad](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP0SYaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9MjAxODEyJmxpPVRZJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1UWV8yMDIzMDMxMCZ0ZT0xJm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAzMTBXA255dEIKZAlMKgtk0MujAlIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [The Men — and Boys — Are Not Alright Richard Reeves breaks down the evidence that many American males are falling behind in education, employment and health. 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Of course. But that doesn’t make it any less real. By John McWhorter](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRl7a9MP0TdaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMy8wOC9vcGluaW9uL2JsYWNrLXJhY2lzbS1wcm9ncmVzcy5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjMwMzEwJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg3MzE1Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNzM3MCZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZAlMKgtk0MujAlIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) Subscribe Today New York Times Opinion curates a wide range of views, inviting rich discussion and debate that help readers analyze the world. This work is made possible with the support of subscribers. 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