Opinion Today: How to serve a friend in despair

Lessons from my oldest friend’s journey into depression. [View in browser](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP4QoAWh0dHBzOi8vbWVzc2FnaW5nLWN1c3RvbS1uZXdzbGV0dGVycy5ueXRpbWVzLmNvbS90ZW1wbGF0ZS9vYWt2Mj9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDIxMyZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NTI0MyZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnByb2R1Y3RDb2RlPVRZJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUxODkmdGU9MSZ1cmk9bnl0JTNBJTJGJTJGbmV3c2xldHRlciUyRjQzYTdlNzA4LTNjMjgtNTE5OC1iY2JhLTFlYzZmYmNiMmMyOSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPh2jTqYzqgKm5SG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~)|[nytimes.com](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0SwaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjMwMjEzJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MjQzJm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNTE4OSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY-HaNOpjOqAqblIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA)[Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-ad-marquee) [Marquee Ad](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0SYaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9MTYyMTM5JmxpPVRZJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1UWV8yMDIzMDIxMyZ0ZT0xJm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTNXA255dEIKY-HaNOpjOqAqblIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Read more from Opinion](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0S_aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vc2VjdGlvbi9vcGluaW9uP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjMwMjEzJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MjQzJm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNTE4OSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY-HaNOpjOqAqblIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) February 13, 2023 [Author Headshot](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0S_aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vYnkvZGF2aWQtYnJvb2tzP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjMwMjEzJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MjQzJm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNTE4OSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY-HaNOpjOqAqblIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) By [David Brooks](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0S_aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vYnkvZGF2aWQtYnJvb2tzP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjMwMjEzJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MjQzJm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNTE4OSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY-HaNOpjOqAqblIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) Opinion Columnist My oldest friend, Peter Marks, died last April. I was honored to be asked to give a eulogy at his memorial service, and in it I mentioned his three-year battle with severe depression, an illness that eventually claimed his life. I mentioned his depression in the eulogy because I wanted to remind everybody how joyous a man he was before he got walloped by his illness. I also wanted to remind everybody how courageous and tough he was during his fight against it. I didn’t think I was doing anything noteworthy in mentioning depression. I didn’t think I was putting out in the open anything that was hidden. I assumed we’d all gotten over any inhibitions we might have had about mentioning mental health issues. But afterward, many people came up to me and thanked me for being explicit about it. I realized that there is still a code of silence for some people. And I realized that a lot of people still don’t know what having depression feels like. They don’t know how to act around a person suffering from it. They don’t know what to say. It occurred to me that, three years prior, when Pete first became depressed, I may have counted myself in that category of people. So I left the memorial service thinking that maybe someday I would write about Pete, and what I learned as he battled his illness. It took me many months until I was emotionally ready. [Writing about Pete](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TiaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8wOS9vcGluaW9uL2Rlc3BhaXItZnJpZW5kc2hpcC1zdWljaWRlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) was an unexpected solace. I felt almost as if I were in his presence again. I hope that the things we learned together about depression will be helpful for others who find themselves experiencing it or accompanying someone who is. I hope it will spur policymakers to spend more on research. Plus, it was an intrinsic pleasure to be able to remember an outstanding man, to celebrate his memory and to keep that memory alive. I’ve been grateful to have the support of Pete’s family as I asked them about what happened and triple-checked to get things right. I’ve especially admired the way they all, in their distinct ways, carry on Pete’s many gifts, kindnesses and virtues. What Our Readers Are Saying These comments have been edited for length. As a lifelong sufferer of depression, your beautifully written article struck a chord. I lost a brother to suicide when he was in his 20s. He was smart, funny and devastatingly handsome. He adored his young son. But he was unable to shake the demons. No one can fully understand the bleakness and desperation of deep depression unless they have gone through it. — [Randy Watson, Atlanta](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TAaHR0cHM6Ly9ueXRpLm1zLzNYZnhwYUE_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkNyNwZXJtaWQ9MTIzMDg1ODM4VwNueXRCCmPh2jTqYzqgKm5SG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) I recently retired, after 45 years as a clinical psychologist. I found this piece to be both touching and painful. Two thoughts: 1. The reality of depression is a reminder that we simply know less about ourselves, humans, than we do about many, many phenomena in our world. The great Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung forcefully expressed his concerns about our capacity to destroy ourselves unless our self-understanding as a species improved. It hasn’t. Not yet. 2. We DO have demonstrably effective treatments for depression. They are imperfect, even when delivered by experts. But we do have treatments. David points out that the mental health system is fragmented, siloed and chaotic. The U.K. once developed a project to train up thousands of psychologists in the best evidence-based therapies available. The U.S. simply does not put resources into such efforts. We CAN do better. — [Down62, Overland Park, Kansas](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TAaHR0cHM6Ly9ueXRpLm1zLzQwTkNPWmc_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkNyNwZXJtaWQ9MTIzMDg4MjQ1VwNueXRCCmPh2jTqYzqgKm5SG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [Head to the comments section](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0T0aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8wOS9vcGluaW9uL2Rlc3BhaXItZnJpZW5kc2hpcC1zdWljaWRlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkNyNjb21tZW50c0NvbnRhaW5lclcDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) to read more responses. [You can read the full column here](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TiaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8wOS9vcGluaW9uL2Rlc3BhaXItZnJpZW5kc2hpcC1zdWljaWRlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~). [[Article Image] Photo illustration by Thomas Sauvin; photograph via the Marks family](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TiaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8wOS9vcGluaW9uL2Rlc3BhaXItZnJpZW5kc2hpcC1zdWljaWRlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [DAVID BROOKS How Do You Serve a Friend in Despair? I learned hard lessons when my oldest friend, Pete, plunged into depression. By David Brooks](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TiaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8wOS9vcGluaW9uL2Rlc3BhaXItZnJpZW5kc2hpcC1zdWljaWRlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-universal-0) ADVERTISEMENT [Ad](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0SXaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9NTk3ODUmbGk9VFkmbT1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkNyZwPVRZXzIwMjMwMjEzJnRlPTEmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDIxM1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) Here’s what we’re focusing on today: Editors’ Picks [THE CONVERSATION Marjorie Taylor Greene Didn’t Like What She Saw What did Joe Biden think it would be like to be president? 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FRIEDMAN In 46 Words, Biden Sends a Clear Message to Israel The president’s statement could energize opposition to Netanhayu’s plan to weaken judicial independence. By Thomas L. Friedman](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TnaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL2pvZS1iaWRlbi1iaWJpLW5ldGFueWFodS1pc3JhZWwuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDIxMyZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NTI0MyZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUxODkmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPh2jTqYzqgKm5SG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TnaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL2pvZS1iaWRlbi1iaWJpLW5ldGFueWFodS1pc3JhZWwuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDIxMyZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NTI0MyZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUxODkmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPh2jTqYzqgKm5SG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [DAVID FRENCH Men Need Purpose More Than ‘Respect’ Few goals are more rewarding than helping the people you love walk through life. By David French](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TbaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL21lbi1wdXJwb3NlLXJlc3BlY3QuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDIxMyZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NTI0MyZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUxODkmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPh2jTqYzqgKm5SG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TbaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL21lbi1wdXJwb3NlLXJlc3BlY3QuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDIxMyZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NTI0MyZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUxODkmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPh2jTqYzqgKm5SG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [THE EDITORIAL BOARD India’s Proud Tradition of a Free Press Is at Risk Self-censorship has spread, along with a shrill Hindu nationalism in news reports that echoes the government line. By The Editorial Board](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TiaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL21vZGktYmJjLWRvY3VtZW50YXJ5LWluZGlhLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TiaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL21vZGktYmJjLWRvY3VtZW50YXJ5LWluZGlhLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [GUEST ESSAY Nikki Haley Has a Great Future Behind Her No political figure better illustrates the tragic collapse of the modern Republican Party than the former governor of South Carolina. By Stuart Stevens](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TkaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMy9vcGluaW9uL25pa2tpLWhhbGV5LXJlcHVibGljYW4tcGFydHkuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDIxMyZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NTI0MyZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUxODkmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPh2jTqYzqgKm5SG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TkaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMy9vcGluaW9uL25pa2tpLWhhbGV5LXJlcHVibGljYW4tcGFydHkuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDIxMyZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NTI0MyZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUxODkmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPh2jTqYzqgKm5SG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [GUEST ESSAY Let’s Embrace Constructive Paranoia Natural disasters should get us thinking about how and why we prepare for the worst. By Jared Diamond](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TjaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMy9vcGluaW9uL2VhcnRocXVha2UtbmF0dXJhbC1kaXNhc3Rlci5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjMwMjEzJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MjQzJm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNTE4OSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY-HaNOpjOqAqblIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TjaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMy9vcGluaW9uL2VhcnRocXVha2UtbmF0dXJhbC1kaXNhc3Rlci5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjMwMjEzJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MjQzJm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNTE4OSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY-HaNOpjOqAqblIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [GUEST ESSAY Have More Sex, Please! America is in the midst of a loneliness epidemic. One solution: Everyone should have more sex — as often as they can, as pleasurably as they can. By Magdalene J. Taylor](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TcaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMy9vcGluaW9uL2hhdmUtbW9yZS1zZXgtcGxlYXNlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TcaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMy9vcGluaW9uL2hhdmUtbW9yZS1zZXgtcGxlYXNlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [Write a (Bitter Valentine) to (Your Therapist) in the Style of (a Yelp Review) We’re asking ChatGPT to try to capture that most human of emotions: love.](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TqaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vaW50ZXJhY3RpdmUvMjAyMy8wMi8xMy9vcGluaW9uL3ZhbGVudGluZXMtZGF5LWNoYXRncHQuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDIxMyZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NTI0MyZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUxODkmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPh2jTqYzqgKm5SG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TqaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vaW50ZXJhY3RpdmUvMjAyMy8wMi8xMy9vcGluaW9uL3ZhbGVudGluZXMtZGF5LWNoYXRncHQuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDIxMyZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NTI0MyZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUxODkmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPh2jTqYzqgKm5SG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [GUEST ESSAY I’m a Big Wave Surfer, and I’ve Never Seen Anything Like I Did This Year Tyler Fox on what climate change is doing to his California coastal community. By Tyler Fox](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TxaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMy9vcGluaW9uL3NhbnRhLWNydXotYm9tYi1jeWNsb25lLXN1cmZpbmctbWF2ZXJpY2tzLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TxaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMy9vcGluaW9uL3NhbnRhLWNydXotYm9tYi1jeWNsb25lLXN1cmZpbmctbWF2ZXJpY2tzLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-universal-1) ADVERTISEMENT [Ad](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0SYaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9MjAxODEyJmxpPVRZJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1UWV8yMDIzMDIxMyZ0ZT0xJm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTNXA255dEIKY-HaNOpjOqAqblIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [GUEST ESSAY Trump’s Supreme Court Picks Are Not Quite What You Think We now have real data about Justices Gorsuch, Kavanaugh and Barrett. The court’s gone hard right, but the three are less unified than they might appear. By David Lat and Zachary B. Shemtob](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TuaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL2dvcnN1Y2gtYmFycmV0dC1rYXZhbmF1Z2gtY29uc2VydmF0aXZlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TuaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL2dvcnN1Y2gtYmFycmV0dC1rYXZhbmF1Z2gtY29uc2VydmF0aXZlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [GUEST ESSAY A Huge, Uncharted Experiment on the U.S. Economy Is About to Begin If it fails or misfires, then it will greatly limit the number of tools to fight climate change or a recession. By Robinson Meyer](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TvaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL2Vjb25vbXktaXJhLWluZnJhc3RydWN0dXJlLWNsZWFuLWVuZXJneS5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjMwMjEzJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MjQzJm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNTE4OSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY-HaNOpjOqAqblIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TvaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL2Vjb25vbXktaXJhLWluZnJhc3RydWN0dXJlLWNsZWFuLWVuZXJneS5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjMwMjEzJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MjQzJm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNTE4OSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY-HaNOpjOqAqblIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [GUEST ESSAY I Answer the Phone at a Mental Health Hotline. Here’s What I’ve Learned. Callers need more than just a sympathetic ear. They need an informed listener. By Benedict Carey](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TlaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL2hlYWx0aC9tZW50YWwtaGVhbHRoLW91dHJlYWNoLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TlaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL2hlYWx0aC9tZW50YWwtaGVhbHRoLW91dHJlYWNoLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [GUEST ESSAY I Love You, Too, but Let’s Skip the Roses The massive cut-flower industry — valued at $34 billion in 2019 — isn’t the most environmentally criminal of all commercial enterprises, but it’s far from benign. By Margaret Renkl](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TtaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMy9vcGluaW9uL2Zsb3dlcnMtdmFsZW50aW5lcy1kYXktc3VzdGFpbmFiaWxpdHkuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDIxMyZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NTI0MyZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUxODkmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPh2jTqYzqgKm5SG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TtaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMy9vcGluaW9uL2Zsb3dlcnMtdmFsZW50aW5lcy1kYXktc3VzdGFpbmFiaWxpdHkuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIzMDIxMyZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NTI0MyZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUxODkmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPh2jTqYzqgKm5SG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [TISH HARRISON WARREN This Artist Has a Mission to Call White Americans to Truth Gregory Thompson left his role as a pastor to work toward reparations. By Tish Harrison Warren](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0T0aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL3JlcGFyYXRpb25zLXdoaXRlLWNocmlzdGlhbnMtYmxhY2stYW1lcmljYW5zLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0T0aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL3JlcGFyYXRpb25zLXdoaXRlLWNocmlzdGlhbnMtYmxhY2stYW1lcmljYW5zLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMzAyMTMmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUyNDMmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MTg5JnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4do06mM6oCpuUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [LETTERS In Praise of Bookstores, a Reader’s Refuge Delighting in brick-and-mortar bookstores. Also: The Kafka diaries; news literacy; misdiagnosed by an Apple watch; unrepresentative polls.](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TaaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL2xldHRlcnMvYm9va3N0b3Jlcy5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjMwMjEzJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MjQzJm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNTE4OSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY-HaNOpjOqAqblIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Article Image](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlzLnaP0TaaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8xMi9vcGluaW9uL2xldHRlcnMvYm9va3N0b3Jlcy5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjMwMjEzJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MjQzJm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNTE4OSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY-HaNOpjOqAqblIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) Subscribe Today New York Times Opinion curates a wide range of views, inviting rich discussion and debate that help readers analyze the world. 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