The Ethicist: My friend won’t leave her abusive husband. What do I do?

She refuses to leave him. [All newsletters](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0S7aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vbmV3c2xldHRlcnM_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MjgyJmVtYz1lZGl0X3RlXzIwMjMwMjExJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MTE3Jm5sPXRoZS1ldGhpY2lzdCZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MDkyJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4cnJ52NUbe70Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [Read online](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP4QoAWh0dHBzOi8vbWVzc2FnaW5nLWN1c3RvbS1uZXdzbGV0dGVycy5ueXRpbWVzLmNvbS90ZW1wbGF0ZS9vYWt2Mj9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0yODImZW1jPWVkaXRfdGVfMjAyMzAyMTEmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUxMTcmbmw9dGhlLWV0aGljaXN0JnByb2R1Y3RDb2RlPVRFJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUwOTImdGU9MSZ1cmk9bnl0JTNBJTJGJTJGbmV3c2xldHRlciUyRjY1MjkyYTM3LTUxMDMtNWUxMC04OGQ3LWM0YTViNDdkNmU0ZCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPhycnnY1Rt7vRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [The Ethicist](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TDaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vY29sdW1uL3RoZS1ldGhpY2lzdD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0yODImZW1jPWVkaXRfdGVfMjAyMzAyMTEmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUxMTcmbmw9dGhlLWV0aGljaXN0JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUwOTImdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPhycnnY1Rt7vRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [The Ethicist](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TDaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vY29sdW1uL3RoZS1ldGhpY2lzdD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0yODImZW1jPWVkaXRfdGVfMjAyMzAyMTEmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUxMTcmbmw9dGhlLWV0aGljaXN0JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUwOTImdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPhycnnY1Rt7vRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) For subscribers February 11, 2023 COMPLIMENTARY ACCESS This is your final week of complimentary access to The Ethicist. To continue receiving The Ethicist in your inbox twice a week, subscribe to The Times. [Subscribe to The Times](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TNaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vc3Vic2NyaXB0aW9uP2NhbXBhaWduSWQ9OEhMS0gmY2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MjgyJmVtYz1lZGl0X3RlXzIwMjMwMjExJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MTE3Jm5sPXRoZS1ldGhpY2lzdCZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MDkyJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4cnJ52NUbe70Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) for unlimited access to our journalism and all of our newsletters. [Author Headshot](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TDaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vY29sdW1uL3RoZS1ldGhpY2lzdD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0yODImZW1jPWVkaXRfdGVfMjAyMzAyMTEmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUxMTcmbmw9dGhlLWV0aGljaXN0JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUwOTImdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPhycnnY1Rt7vRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) By [Kwame Anthony Appiah](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TDaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vY29sdW1uL3RoZS1ldGhpY2lzdD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0yODImZW1jPWVkaXRfdGVfMjAyMzAyMTEmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUxMTcmbmw9dGhlLWV0aGljaXN0JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUwOTImdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPhycnnY1Rt7vRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) Illustration by Tomi Um Today, The New York Times Magazine’s Ethicist columnist answers a reader’s question about offering support to a close friend stuck in a dangerous relationship. My Friend Won’t Leave Her Abusive Husband. What Do I Do? I have a good friend whom I love and care about. She is married to a man whose alcoholism has gotten worse over the years; he is also both verbally abusive and controlling of her. They have a son who is 12. My friend participates in Al-Anon, a support group for friends and family of alcoholics, and is also going to therapy. We talk about once a week, and she tells me awful stories about her husband’s drinking and subsequent abuse. I have talked to her about leaving, and emphasized the support that I and other friends would give; she maintains that she is not ready to leave. (She has a good job with benefits and salary, so it’s not a financial issue.) I’m never sure what I can say to let her know that I support her but think her husband’s abuse of her is unacceptable. I heard a podcast on this subject advising saying something like, “I know how smart you are and that you’ll know when to leave,” and I’ve used that line a lot. Recently, her husband picked up her son from a friend’s house and drove with him while drunk. This still did not cause her to take her son and leave. I really don’t know what to say anymore. — Name Withheld From the Ethicist: A proverb from my part of Ghana says, “Marriage is like a groundnut; you must crack it to see what is inside.” It’s hard to figure out what’s going on in other people’s relationships. In particular, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to why people stay with abusive partners long after their friends have all concluded that they should leave. Although your friend offers you no explanation for why she remains with her abuser, the fact that she regularly tells you about his appalling behavior indicates that she is highly aware of the problem and seeks corroboration and support from you. So far as I can tell, you’ve done all the right things: You’ve made it clear to her that she is a person of value, that she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way, that she isn’t alone and that she’ll have a good network of support if she chooses to leave. You’ve let her know too that you understand the suffering her husband is causing and the menace he poses, helping her see her situation as clearly as possible. It’s certainly a dismaying one. While alcoholism can worsen domestic abuse, it doesn’t entirely explain the propensity to engage in abuse. And given that he’s driving their son around when he’s drunk, he’s a danger to both of them. But, as you recognize, the decision to leave is ultimately hers to make. Even if the abuse rises to the level of a crime, the police are unlikely to be able to do anything about it unless she confirms what’s happening. She’s fortunate that she has someone like you with whom she can discuss her husband’s conduct. You’ve preserved the relationship because you’ve found a way to dissent from her misguided loyalty to her husband without tearing her down. Keep asking her what you can do to help. And though you can’t dictate what she can do, promptings can be made in the spirit of friendship. Like you, I worry about the danger to her son. According to [a 2014 analysis](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TNaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubmNiaS5ubG0ubmloLmdvdi9wbWMvYXJ0aWNsZXMvUE1DNTc1MTQxMC8_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MjgyJmVtYz1lZGl0X3RlXzIwMjMwMjExJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MTE3Jm5sPXRoZS1ldGhpY2lzdCZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MDkyJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4cnJ52NUbe70Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~)of C.D.C. data, nearly two-thirds of children who die in impaired-driving crashes are passengers of the impaired driver. Driving drunk is, to be blunt, a typical way that parents kill their children. Ideally, your friend would take pains to ensure that her son was never in a position to be driven by her husband. At the very least, you could suggest that she instruct the boy not to get into the car if his father shows up drunk. (For that matter, the friend’s parents shouldn’t have let him be driven by a man showing signs of intoxication.) She could give him access to a ride-share account and tell him to use it instead. It would probably be best if she told her husband that she was doing this. But she may be too afraid of her husband to take such measures, and she would have to make a judgment about whether that would make her son a target of abuse. Whatever your friend does, she ought to discuss the situation with her son, who must already be aware of some of what’s going on. Therapy could be helpful to him, too. Discussing these options with her will reinforce the reality that her husband is a threat to her son as well as to her — and further motivate her to move them both out of harm’s way. Being a bystander to this sort of horror show can make a person feel powerless. You’ve made it plain that you’ll walk with her to the exit. All you can do is stay with her and hope she’ll take the necessary steps. Thoughts? If you’d like to share a response to today’s dilemma with the Ethicist and other subscribers in the next newsletter, fill out [this form](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TaaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMS8yMC9tYWdhemluZS9ldGhpY2lzdC1jb21tZW50cy5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTI4MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF90ZV8yMDIzMDIxMSZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NTExNyZubD10aGUtZXRoaWNpc3QmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNTA5MiZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY-HJyedjVG3u9FIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA). FROM THE ARCHIVES Back in 2016, the Ethicist answered another question about social dynamics and spousal abuse. [[Article Image] Illustration by Tomi Um](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TzaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAxNi8wNy8zMS9tYWdhemluZS9jYW4taS1zdGF5LWZyaWVuZHMtd2l0aC1hbi1hYnVzaXZlLWh1c2JhbmQuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0yODImZW1jPWVkaXRfdGVfMjAyMzAyMTEmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUxMTcmbmw9dGhlLWV0aGljaXN0JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUwOTImdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPhycnnY1Rt7vRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [THE ETHICIST Can I Stay Friends With an Abusive Husband? The magazine’s Ethicist columnist on navigating friendship with a couple and their destructive dynamic, and whether to break confidentiality to let a friend know she will be fired. By Kwame Anthony Appiah](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TzaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAxNi8wNy8zMS9tYWdhemluZS9jYW4taS1zdGF5LWZyaWVuZHMtd2l0aC1hbi1hYnVzaXZlLWh1c2JhbmQuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0yODImZW1jPWVkaXRfdGVfMjAyMzAyMTEmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUxMTcmbmw9dGhlLWV0aGljaXN0JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUwOTImdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPhycnnY1Rt7vRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) Readers Respond The previous newsletter’s question was from a woman wondering whether she should allow her sister and her sister’s husband to fund an investment account in her 1-year-old daughter’s name. The sister had previously cut off contact with our letter writer. Feeling conflicted, our letter writer wrote: “I don’t want to accept funds from a couple who have proved emotionally abusive and tie my daughter to a potentially harmful relationship with them. Still, I wonder if declining funds on behalf of my 1-year-old is not fully my decision to make. Should I decline?” In his response, the Ethicist noted: “What you call emotional abuse comes across like a pretty ordinary family row. … The natural way to interpret [your sister’s offer] is that after a year of shunning you, she’s trying to re-establish a relationship. … As a parent, your job is to act in your child’s interests; as a person, you’ll want to be mindful of your own. Alienating your daughter from her aunt isn’t likely to advance either goal.” (Reread the full question and answer [here](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0ToaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMy8wMi8wNi9tYWdhemluZS90dWl0aW9uLWZpbmFuY2VzLWRpdm9yY2UtZXRoaWNzLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MjgyJmVtYz1lZGl0X3RlXzIwMjMwMjExJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MTE3Jm5sPXRoZS1ldGhpY2lzdCZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MDkyJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4cnJ52NUbe70Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~).) ⬥ Yes, the relationship should not be severed, but I wouldn’t take any money. From the sound of the sister’s behavior, it could be a tool for her to manipulate the relationship in the future. I highly doubt there would be no strings attached to the gift. Gifts can become a heavy burden. — Chris ⬥ The letter writer seems more like the problem than the sister. These sound like squabbles that do not require slamming the proverbial door on a relationship. Don’t screw up a relationship over this, and take the money. (And say thank you graciously.) — Shelley ⬥ Although I agree with the Ethicist that the investment fund may be the sister’s way of starting to repair the relationship, giving someone the cold shoulder — the silent treatment — is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation, not to mention an immature response to the situation. That was the red flag in the letter for me, and it was disappointing not to see that acknowledged and considered in the response. — Ann ⬥ Envision your sister’s side: You kicked her out of a room and didn’t come to her wedding. It’s actually quite kind of her to give anything to your child. If you don’t want the money, suggest they fund a charity instead, since you all seem to be well off. — Misha ⬥ Money is power, and any time you accept a large amount of money from someone, you give them power over your life. In my first marriage, I insisted that we not take money from our parents. If we took their money, it meant they had the right to tell us what to do. The scheme worked; our parents had their opinions, but they kept them to themselves. It made for a much smoother relationship. — Deborah Enjoying this newsletter? Subscribe to keep receiving it. We’ve reserved a selection of newsletters, including this one, for Times subscribers. Subscriber support ensures that we have the resources to deliver original, quality journalism in every form — including our newsletters. [Subscribe to The Times](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TNaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vc3Vic2NyaXB0aW9uP2NhbXBhaWduSWQ9OEhMS0gmY2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MjgyJmVtYz1lZGl0X3RlXzIwMjMwMjExJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MTE3Jm5sPXRoZS1ldGhpY2lzdCZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MDkyJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4cnJ52NUbe70Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) to continue receiving this newsletter once your complimentary access ends. Need help? Review our [newsletter help page](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TbaHR0cHM6Ly9oZWxwLm55dGltZXMuY29tL2hjL2VuLXVzL2FydGljbGVzLzM2MDAwMTQ4ODI2Ni1OZXdzbGV0dGVycz9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0yODImZW1jPWVkaXRfdGVfMjAyMzAyMTEmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUxMTcmbmw9dGhlLWV0aGljaXN0JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUwOTImdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPhycnnY1Rt7vRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) or [contact us](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TaaHR0cHM6Ly9oZWxwLm55dGltZXMuY29tL2hjL2VuLXVzL2FydGljbGVzLzExNTAxNTM4NTg4Ny1Db250YWN0LXVzP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTI4MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF90ZV8yMDIzMDIxMSZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NTExNyZubD10aGUtZXRoaWNpc3QmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNTA5MiZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY-HJyedjVG3u9FIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) for assistance. You received this email because you signed up for The Ethicist from The New York Times. To stop receiving The Ethicist, [unsubscribe](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TVaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vbmV3c2xldHRlcnMvb3B0b3V0P2VtYz1lZGl0X3RlXzIwMjMwMjExJm5sPXRoZS1ldGhpY2lzdCZwcm9kdWN0PVRFJnNlbmRfaWQ9MTI1MDkyJnRlPTEmdG9rZW49NTk0ODAwZjk3NTEzOGY0OGFkZWEwZmNkN2NiNDFiY2FkYmM5NWMzYzU5ZjNkODYzZDNhYmZmNTlhOGQzOGRmOTBlMmJlNTYwYTY5MTJmYTRlY2FiZTA2MjkwYTM3MjA1VwNueXRCCmPhycnnY1Rt7vRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~). To opt out of other promotional emails from The Times, [manage your email preferences](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TKaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vbmV3c2xldHRlcnMvbWFuYWdlP2VtYz1lZGl0X3RlXzIwMjMwMjExJm5sPXRoZS1ldGhpY2lzdCZzZW5kX2lkPTEyNTA5MiZ0ZT0xJnRva2VuPTEwOTQxYzJiY2E0NjYwMzE3OTgxZWUyNGNkMGQwZTlhZGQ4YjI2OWNlNGYzMmY0NTU2OTAwNWM1YWJmNGQxZjc2NTUyNTdhMzY2MmZlYjE4YzcxMDJjMWVkZmJjYzQ4Y1cDbnl0Qgpj4cnJ52NUbe70Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~). [Explore more subscriber-only newsletters.](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TXaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vbmV3c2xldHRlcnM_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MjgyJmVtYz1lZGl0X3RlXzIwMjMwMjExJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MTE3Jm5sPXRoZS1ldGhpY2lzdCZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MDkyJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkNyNzdWJzY3JpYmVyLW9ubHktbmV3c2xldHRlcnNXA255dEIKY-HJyedjVG3u9FIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA)[Get The New York Times app](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TKaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vc2VydmljZXMvbW9iaWxlL2luZGV4Lmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MjgyJmVtYz1lZGl0X3RlXzIwMjMwMjExJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MTE3Jm5sPXRoZS1ldGhpY2lzdCZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MDkyJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4cnJ52NUbe70Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) Connect with us on: [facebook](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0S4aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZmFjZWJvb2suY29tL255dGltZXM_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MjgyJmVtYz1lZGl0X3RlXzIwMjMwMjExJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MTE3Jm5sPXRoZS1ldGhpY2lzdCZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MDkyJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4cnJ52NUbe70Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [twitter](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0SzaHR0cHM6Ly90d2l0dGVyLmNvbS9ueXRpbWVzP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTI4MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF90ZV8yMDIzMDIxMSZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD04NTExNyZubD10aGUtZXRoaWNpc3QmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEyNTA5MiZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKY-HJyedjVG3u9FIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Change Your Email](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TEaHR0cHM6Ly9teWFjY291bnQubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vbWVtL2VtYWlsLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MjgyJmVtYz1lZGl0X3RlXzIwMjMwMjExJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MTE3Jm5sPXRoZS1ldGhpY2lzdCZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MDkyJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4cnJ52NUbe70Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~)[Privacy Policy](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TlaHR0cDovL3d3dy5ueXRpbWVzLmNvbS9jb250ZW50L2hlbHAvcmlnaHRzL3ByaXZhY3kvcG9saWN5L3ByaXZhY3ktcG9saWN5Lmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MjgyJmVtYz1lZGl0X3RlXzIwMjMwMjExJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTg1MTE3Jm5sPXRoZS1ldGhpY2lzdCZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTI1MDkyJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpj4cnJ52NUbe70Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~)[Contact Us](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TMaHR0cHM6Ly9teWFjY291bnQubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vbWVtYmVyY2VudGVyL2hlbHAuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0yODImZW1jPWVkaXRfdGVfMjAyMzAyMTEmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUxMTcmbmw9dGhlLWV0aGljaXN0JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUwOTImdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPhycnnY1Rt7vRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~)[California Notices](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRlyk7JP0TJaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vcHJpdmFjeS9jYWxpZm9ybmlhLW5vdGljZT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0yODImZW1jPWVkaXRfdGVfMjAyMzAyMTEmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9ODUxMTcmbmw9dGhlLWV0aGljaXN0JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMjUwOTImdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmPhycnnY1Rt7vRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) The New York Times Company. 620 Eighth Avenue New York, NY 10018