My Stepdad Has Alzheimer’s. Can My Mom Date Someone Else?

Is our mother acting out of fear of being alone? 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Can My Mom Date Someone Else? The magazine’s Ethicist columnist on marriage vows and stolen library books. By Kwame Anthony Appiah](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRjFfMQP0TnaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMS8wOC8zMS9tYWdhemluZS9hbHpoZWltZXJzLWV0aGljcy5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjEwOTA0Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTM5NjU5Jm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9NjgxMzMmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmExEG4zYQqBLolSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) What are your thoughts on the spouse of an early-onset Alzheimer’s patient dating while said patient is still alive? By way of background, my mother was the full-time caregiver of my stepfather until a few months ago, when he was moved to assisted living, and she is lonely and missing companionship. The man my mother has chosen to date is in his mid-70s (seven years older than my mother), has lost all his money, has three failed marriages and generally has a poor reputation. The way the news was broken to us children (two stepchildren, including me, and two biological children) could have been better, and we are worried our mother is acting out of fear of being alone. My siblings are hurt, angry and dealing with their father’s slowly dying, and it’s so hard to watch. My mother seems hellbent on dating this man and is not receptive to hearing our concerns. It was never going to be easy to see her with someone else this soon, but seeing her with this man is alarming. It’s also unlike her to be callous toward the feelings of her children. My fear is if we draw a line in the sand, she will pick him. But anything short of that seems as if it would be ineffective. [Read the Ethicist’s response here](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRjFfMQP0TnaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMS8wOC8zMS9tYWdhemluZS9hbHpoZWltZXJzLWV0aGljcy5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjEwOTA0Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTM5NjU5Jm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9NjgxMzMmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmExEG4zYQqBLolSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~). Subscribe Today We hope you’ve enjoyed this newsletter, which is made possible through subscriber support. 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Expect crowds, but don’t worry — crystal enthusiasts tend to be a genial, family-friendly lot. By Malia Wollan](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRjFfMQP0TtaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMS8wOC8zMS9tYWdhemluZS9ob3ctdG8tY29sbGVjdC1jcnlzdGFscy5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjEwOTA0Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTM5NjU5Jm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9NjgxMzMmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmExEG4zYQqBLolSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [[Article Image] Illustration by R. O. 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