NYT Magazine | Can I Cut Off a Relative With Hateful Views?

View in [Browser]( | Add nytdirect@nytimes.com to your address book. [The New York Times]( [The New York Times]( Friday, January 18, 2019 [NYTimes.com »]( The Ethicist [“His are very public opinions that are filled with hate and even calls to violent action.”]( By KWAME ANTHONY APPIAH Illustration by Tomi Um "My sister divorced her husband years ago. Until recently, we remained on friendly terms with my former brother-in-law, socializing at family events he hosted and exchanging holiday gifts. Lately he has become so radical in his political and world views that I am no longer comfortable maintaining a relationship. He has a blog and is an occasional radio host, so his are very public opinions that are filled with hate and even calls to violent action. I find this horrifying, and I am firmly in the category of people he is calling for violence against, along with most of my family. This is more than simply differing ideologies. (I do not believe he is a physical danger. I believe he needs help, the way Alex Jones needs help.) My question is this: Do I tell him that his behavior offends me and I wish to cut off contact, or do I simply decline invitations and cease sending gifts? Is one behavior more ethical than the other?"  [Read the Ethicist's response here.](  ADVERTISEMENT [“It’s a good time to be a gay conservative.”]( [Ben Holden: “Demographics shouldn’t be destiny.”]( Ben Holden: “Demographics shouldn’t be destiny.” Peyton Fulford for The New York Times By BENOIT DENIZET-LEWIS Inside the emboldened, if hardly unified, ranks of the L.G.B.T. right. [How Tarell Alvin McCraney Moved From ‘Moonlight’ to Broadway — and Beyond]( John Edmonds for The New York Times By CARVELL WALLACE His play “Choir Boy” just opened. His next film will air on Netflix. What ties his work together? Plumbing the depths of black beauty and grief. “To love black people immensely, to celebrate our very being as poetry, to lose yourself in our stories, to search them desperately and perpetually for our beauty — at the rehearsal for “Choir Boy,” what I witnessed was a man who has made himself a connoisseur of grief sharing that expertise with a roomful of younger black artists. His power, sure, is that he’s a playwright and that he has, through decades of study and training, built, from the ground up, a container for his mastery of feeling. Understanding and creating stories has been one survival method. But another has been the development of a keen, patient and nearly pansophical emotional intelligence. He has, in a sense, cracked the code on how to remain safe as a beautiful black man, at least for himself. It is, of course, to focus almost entirely on understanding and showing the beauty of others like you.” [[Read Carvell Wallace’s profile of the playwright behind “Moonlight” here.]Â](  [From the archives: Marie Kondo and the Ruthless War on Stuff]( By TAFFY BRODESSER-AKNER Photo illustration by Christopher Mitchell "Marie Kondo did not set out to become a superpower in the world of professional organization. It just sort of happened to her. When she was a little girl, she read all of her mother’s homemaking magazines, and as early as elementary school began researching various tidying methods. She recalls that the national library of Japan held a large collection of tidying, decluttering and organizing books, but it didn’t admit anyone under 18. Marie Kondo spent her 18th birthday there." [[ If you enjoyed Marie Kondo's show on Netflix, you'll enjoy reading Taffy Brodesser-Akner's 2016 profile of the organizing superstar.]Â](  [We’re Looking for People Who Love Their Job]( By THE NEW YORK TIMES MAGAZINE [We're looking for people]( in the New York area who have been doing the same job — not necessarily with the same employer — for 40 or more years because they love what they do. We’re looking for all kinds of jobs. We want to hear from employees making minimum wage to over six-figures, those working freelance gigs to permanent positions. [Is this you? Do you know somebody who fits the description? Tell us!Â]( More from the Magazine: [Korean short-rib stew with root vegetables.]( Paola & Murray for The New York Times. Eat [A Secret Ingredient Makes This Chef’s Galbijjim Perfect. Just Don’t Tell Mom.]( By SAM SIFTON What set this Korean-style short-rib stew apart? Photo illustration by Ben Grandgenett. 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It’s even stranger to consider that his policies might work the same way.  New Sentences [New Sentences: From a Poem by Ben Purkert]( By SAM ANDERSON “The difference between the almost right word and the right word,” Mark Twain wrote, “is really a large matter.” Stay in touch:  Follow us on Twitter ([@NYTmag](  Appreciated this email? Forward it to a friend and help us grow. Loved a story? Hated it? Write us a letter at [magazine@nytimes.com](mailto:newsletters@nytimes.com?subject=Newsletter%20Feedback%20NYT%20Magazine). Did a friend forward this to you? [Sign up here to get the magazine newsletter](  Check us out on[ Instagram]( where you’ll find photography from our archives, behind-the-scenes snippets from photo shoots, interviews on how we design our covers and outtakes that don’t make it into the issue. We’ve got more newsletters! You might like At War.  Learn more about the experiences and costs of war. 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