The Edit: Yes, I look young. Stop reminding me.

Plus: Plus: The NBA's next star is a Duke freshman. View in [Browser]( | Add nytdirect@nytimes.com to your address book. [The New York Times]( [The New York Times]( Tuesday, December 18, 2018 [NYTimes.com »]( George Wylesol Yes, I Look Young. Stop Reminding Me. [Robbie Harms] Robbie Harms Contributor to The Edit I just shaved. An unremarkable event in the life of a 25-year-old, but it means something more for me. It makes me look — and feel — even younger. The questions, “Where do you go to school?” or “You’re twenty-five?” are bound to cloud the air around me more frequently. People tell me I have what a [2009 study in the journal “Ethology”]( characterized as an appearance with “physical features such as the large head, high and protruding forehead, large eyes, chubby cheeks, small nose and mouth.” A baby face. There’s no question I look young. In my 6th-grade picture, lining the wall of my parents’ house, I look like I’m 8. My 5th-grade students consistently tell me I look like I’m 18. During my senior year of college, when I was 21, a carnival employee at a state fair guessed I was 16. (I won a stuffed cow for his wrong answer.) I know what a typical 25-year-old male looks like, and my bathroom mirror suggests that I look markedly different from him. I even wear it as a badge of pride: Looking “younger than my age” has become both a recurring joke among my family and friends, and a significant part of my identity. What gets old, though, are the constant reminders, and the subtext they entail. There is, I learned upon writing this article, an army of other baby facers who feel this pain. Soon after he turned 21, Joe DiRienzo—a 26-year-old who, a few months ago, had a Lyft driver guess he was in high school — went to a Mets game and ordered a beer. He presented his driver’s license, but the vendor refused to serve him: Even after quizzing him on his date of birth, ZIP code and house number, she thought it was fake. Mr. DiRienzo, like most would, felt insulted. He went to a different vendor and got his beer. There’s a fine line, Mr. DiRienzo and I agreed, between kidding among friends and feeling disrespected by a complete stranger. When I was an intern for a Boston newspaper, for example, a professional soccer player I was preparing to interview looked at me and commented that high school must have let out early that day. Joey Hodges knows what it’s like. Ms. Hodges, a 32-year-old writer, has been married for eight years. But because she looks young, people have a peculiar reaction when they find out she’s been married for that long. “People look terrified,” Ms. Hodges said, viewing her, as she described, like a “child bride.” Kevin Phinney, 26, meanwhile, bore the baby-faced burden in another arena: dating apps. A girl he matched with asked if the pictures on his profile were taken recently, because, as she delicately put it, “You look like a child.” Mr. Phinney changed up his pictures soon after. All of these scenarios might seem benign, but experienced repeatedly over several years, they can affect a person’s self-perception. If something is consistently shoved in your (baby) face through different corners of society, no matter what it is, you start to believe it. When Ana Travis, a 31-year-old high school teacher, started her career, some of her students’ parents thought she was 18 — no matter that she wore [makeup]( and purposefully dressed to look older. During her first couple of years at her high school, even staff members would ask “Where’s your pass?” as she walked the hallways. “When I get a little bit older,” Ms. Travis said of her young appearance, “I’ll probably appreciate it more.” Dave Lohse wholeheartedly agrees. He thinks us baby facers should celebrate. Here’s the catch, though: Mr. Lohse is 63 and often guessed to be in his 50s. Looking young is, as he put it, “a wonderful thing.” He is living proof of the remark young-looking people everywhere hear daily: “You’ll love it when you’re older.” So we’re left with an important question: What are supposed to do now? What are we supposed to do when a co-worker mistakes us for an intern or shames us for wearing a tie into the office to appear older? When a client asks where our boss is? When our IDs are scrutinized and ages debated? What are we supposed to do until it pays off in 20 years? My only answer: Don’t shave your beard. HOW ARE WE DOING? We’d love your feedback on this newsletter. Please email thoughts and suggestions to [the edit@nytimes.com](mailto:theedit@nytimes.com?subject=The%20Edit%20Newsletter%20Feedback). LIKE THIS EMAIL? Forward it to your friends, and let them know they can sign up [here](. 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