Opinion Today: Why society fears women like me

At 50, I was supposed to disappear. Instead, I became more visible than ever. [View in browser](~/AAAAAQA~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)|[nytimes.com](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoNFgDP0SxaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjQwNTI1Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTEyNDQ2OSZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjc3NzEmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmZFA9NRZirlQMtSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) [Ad](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoNFgDP0SlaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9MTYyMTM5JmxpPVRZJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1UWV8yMDI0MDUyNSZzdHBlPWRlZmF1bHQmdGU9MSZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjQwNTI1VwNueXRCCmZFA9NRZirlQMtSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) [Opinion Today](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoNFgDP0TAaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vc2VjdGlvbi9vcGluaW9uP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjQwNTI1Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTEyNDQ2OSZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjc3NzEmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmZFA9NRZirlQMtSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) May 25, 2024 [SUPPORTED BY AMERICA MAGAZINE](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoNFgDP0TkaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuYW1lcmljYW1hZ2F6aW5lLm9yZy9zdWJzY3JpYmU_Y2FtcGFpZ249bnl0JmNhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjQwNTI1Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTEyNDQ2OSZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjc3NzEmdGU9MSZ0cGNjPW55dC1uYXRpdmUtdGV4dCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmZFA9NRZirlQMtSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) Forget about the horror of being alone and middle-aged — there is nothing more terrifying to a patriarchal society than a woman who is free. That she might be having a better time without permission or supervision is downright insufferable. [A photo illustration of a woman on a beach facing a sunset. The sun’s reflected light is seen through her silhouette.] Photo illustration by Julia Wimmerlin By Glynnis MacNicol I’ve been warned about the invisibility that comes with being a middle-aged woman for about as long as I’ve understood the concept of middle age. You reach a certain point (you become a woman of a certain age), and you seemingly cease to exist. Not only will men stop noticing you (the worst thing that could happen to you, I was assured), but so will waiters and taxi drivers and sales shop assistants. You become a nonperson. This has not been my experience. To put it mildly. As I approach my 50th birthday this summer, I am experiencing the exact opposite. I’ve never felt more visible, more attractive, more powerful. The sex is better (and more frequent, if I’m being honest), the friendships are deeper, and life is more exciting and satisfying than it’s ever been. The narratives we have around women’s lives have never served me — or most women, I would argue — all that well. Still, it was a bit of a shock to find myself, deep into my 40s, single and childless and having such a good time, even though [research tells us](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoNFgDP0ThaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMS8xMC8yMC9vcGluaW9uL21hcnJpYWdlLWRlY2xpbmUtYW1lcmljYS5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjQwNTI1Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTEyNDQ2OSZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjc3NzEmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmZFA9NRZirlQMtSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) that single women rate high in happiness polls. It has been stranger still to be experiencing it against the backdrop of so much awfulness in the world. It’s a different sort of dissonance from the one that [comes with](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoNFgDP0TUaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAxOC8wNy8wNS9zdHlsZS9uby1raWRzLWhhcHB5Lmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyNDA1MjUmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTI0NDY5Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTE2Nzc3MSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZkUD01FmKuVAy1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAD) living a life you rarely see reflected in culture. Yet as I write in my [guest essay](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoNFgDP0TjaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNS8yNS9vcGluaW9uL3dvbWVuLWFnaW5nLW1haW4tY2hhcmFjdGVyLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyNDA1MjUmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTI0NDY5Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTE2Nzc3MSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZkUD01FmKuVAy1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAD) this week, the recent violent rollback of women’s rights — from restrictions on abortion and birth control access to challenges against no-fault divorce — strikes me as directly connected to the reality that women are doing just fine on their own. In fact, our enjoyment of our [main-character energy](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoNFgDP0TwaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubmV3eW9ya2VyLmNvbS9jdWx0dXJlL2luZmluaXRlLXNjcm9sbC93ZS1hbGwtaGF2ZS1tYWluLWNoYXJhY3Rlci1lbmVyZ3ktbm93P2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjQwNTI1Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTEyNDQ2OSZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjc3NzEmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmZFA9NRZirlQMtSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~), as the kids say, might be a bit too visible. READ GLYNNIS MACNICOL’S FULL ESSAY HERE [A photo illustration of a woman on a beach facing a sunset. The sun’s reflected light is seen through her silhouette.](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoNFgDP0TjaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNS8yNS9vcGluaW9uL3dvbWVuLWFnaW5nLW1haW4tY2hhcmFjdGVyLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyNDA1MjUmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTI0NDY5Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTE2Nzc3MSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZkUD01FmKuVAy1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAD)[Guest Essay Men Fear Me, Society Shames Me, and I Love My Life My story shows there are other, fulfilling ways to live. By Glynnis MacNicol](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoNFgDP0TjaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNS8yNS9vcGluaW9uL3dvbWVuLWFnaW5nLW1haW4tY2hhcmFjdGVyLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyNDA1MjUmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTI0NDY5Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTE2Nzc3MSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZkUD01FmKuVAy1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAD) A MESSAGE FROM AMERICA MAGAZINE [A Catholic President and a Jesuit Pope How does Joe Biden’s Catholic faith influence his politics? How is Pope Francis changing the Catholic Church? Get a Jesuit perspective from America magazine. For over 100 years, America magazine has bridged the gap between the Catholic Church and global issues. With theological essays, political analysis, book reviews and more, America interprets the world for the church and the church for the world. From Congress to the Vatican: Get a smart, refreshing Catholic take on the news. 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By Michelle Goldberg ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoNFgDP0TvaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNS8yMy9vcGluaW9uL2xvbmdldml0eS1lcXVpbm94LXdlbGxuZXNzLWltbW9ydGFsaXR5Lmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyNDA1MjUmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTI0NDY5Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTE2Nzc3MSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZkUD01FmKuVAy1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAD [An illustration depicting an hourglass in which a stack of money is blocking the flow of sand.] Ben Hickey Frank Bruni How to Buy Yourself a Longer Life If price is no object, neither is death. By Frank Bruni ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoNFgDP0TfaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNS8yMy9vcGluaW9uL2lyYW4tbnVjbGVhci1wcmVzaWRlbnQuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDI0MDUyNSZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xMjQ0Njkmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTY3NzcxJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpmRQPTUWYq5UDLUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAM~ [A man casually looking down walks past a banner showing flying missiles.] AFP/Getty Images Guest Essay The Death of Iran’s President Could Change the World Is 2024 the year that Iran finally decides it can no longer take chances with its security and races to build a nuclear bomb? By John Ghazvinian ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoNFgDP0TpaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNS8yNC9vcGluaW9uL2V6cmEta2xlaW4tcG9kY2FzdC1ob2xseS1oZXJuZG9uLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyNDA1MjUmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTI0NDY5Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTE2Nzc3MSZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZkUD01FmKuVAy1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAD The New York Times The Ezra Klein Show ‘Artificial Intelligence’? No, Collective Intelligence. The artist and musician Holly Herndon explores the promise — and complications — of collaborating with A.I. 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